Hello my baby girl Peanut. Mommy is having a bad day today. The last 3 days I was doing good and thought I was coming to accept that your gone. But then today mommy has just been longing so much for you and crying. Family members have called me talking about there problems, because you know mommy has always been "the listener", but none of them listen to what I am feeling and going through. It will be 5 weeks tommorow that I put you down and I just can't relax. You always made me feel so peaceful when you were by my side. You always listened to all my thoughts and feelings. Just kissing you and hugging you made me feel better. At night I can't even relax in bed because your not by my side. You helped your Mommy so much by making me get out of the apt for a walk or a ride in the car. You know that mommy is a home body and only goes out if I absolutely have to. Now that you are not here Peanut I can't get myself motivated to do anything. Mommy wishes this was just a dream that I could wake up from. But then it hits me that your never coming back. Christmas is coming up quickly and mommy will have to put on a happy face for the grandkids. I really don't even feel like celebrating it. Mommy sees all the cute sweaters and Christmas toys in the store and it makes me sad that I can't buy you any this year. I won't get to watch you rip open your gift that you would get so excited about. Not having you here has not helped my depression. You were such good therapy for me. Mommy can't focus on watching TV so I try to find something online to watch but my mind is constantly repeating, Peanut..Peanut..Peanut. Your aunt RoseAnn is coming in for a visit for Christmas next week. Remember how excited you would get when she would walk in the door? All my memories right now of you are about the past year when slowly you started declining. And then of the final months and day you were here. Mommy feels like her heart was ripped out the day I put you down. I hope that God will bless me one day in the future with another little angel to love but you will never be replaced. You are in my heart forever. Everything just happened so fast in a matter of 1 day. I guess mommy thought by taking care of you you could live forever. I just didn't want to allow my mind to think of you gone. Mommy misses you Peanut so so much. I love you. My baby, my buddy, my little angel. I pray for strength every day to get through this. I just don't know where 14 yrs went. Watch over me Peanut and help your Mommy through this. Hugs and kisses.
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Bless you Gmr, this is so hard, I know. I also felt a great loss of any motivation when my girl left. I think that is natural....but it hurts so very much.

I know what it feels like to not have them there with you when you sleep at night. My girl always slept with me, and her breathing was so comforting to me. With her beside me we always had something to look forward to -the next morning, the evenings when we sat together, the nights when we cuddled up sleeping....

And Christmas coming up doesn't feel the same. Yes I know that too.

Your sweet Peanut will be watching over you, and still loves you very much and will continue to do so. But yes, we miss them here  always.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
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Gmr, crying reading your post. i feel so much how you do, everything I can relate to. Hugs to you....
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss of your baby Peanut. I can really relate to everything you said, it’s amazing the unconditional love & support these little guys can give us. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time
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