Christinatara Show full post »
It is a world of wonder as we continue on "our" path. Not a day goes by that I don't find myself lost in emotion. I receive the moments of heavy and rich emotion as a gift from my Zoe girl....settling into my spirit to help me and in my sense, to assure her that although my life is different...everything will be ok. I still talk to her as freely as ever....cannot ever imagine not doing so. You and I....all of us, who were gifted with the company of unbridled love are aware of the impact that Gods creatures can have on our lives. Live these days with peace of mind and cherish the gift that will forever bless our spirits.
Richard R
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I walked Buck up two flights of stairs. Everyday noticing something wasn't right. I kept on walking him. Until the day he sat down and looked at me. He couldn't do the stairs. Why didn't I realize that. Then the coughing started. His heart was enlarged pushing on his trachea. From October to January he got sicker. I felt I caused this or added to the pain. I was so stupid to keep walking him. He wanted to walk until the day he sat down. I was up 3 times a night with him for 3 months. I got sick myself and my dad was dying. I couldn't do it anymore. I had to put him down on January 19th. I'm heart broken, depressed and broken. I find no joy in anything. I miss him so much. If I could have only been well myself I could have kept going to take care of him. One day the anger set in and I realized WAIT A MINUTE HERE...When I got Buck my promise was to take the best care of him I could and love him forever. I did that! We all do that! I did the best I could! I was angry because I had to make the decision to end his life. How many people can give up someone they love so much to end the pain? I realized I had no choice to take on the loss of my best friend. I had to end his pain. I would rather hurt myself then see him hurt. What I am trying to say is we all could have done things differently but in the end it comes down to our promise that we make when we are responsible for them. That is to love them and take care of them the best we know how. You did that. We all did that!
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Christinatara wrote:

I've written a few times on this incredible forum. I euthanized my beloved dog October 7. And the only feeling I have more and more of, is how much I regret that decision and how much I am to blame for my own dog's suffering. 

I really think I failed Humphrey. I think I took him on too many long hilly walks and it caused his body intense, agonizing pain, that left him tremoring and desperate. 6 months later after his death, things are finally coming together for me and I'm just totally in mental hell. I loved that dog more than anyone in my life and I think about everything, and in the end, I honestly feel that it was my own actions — my own limitations — that caused his suffering and in the end, the reason why he was euthanized. 

I keep writing on this forum because I keep wondering if anyone else is full of total misery and a sense that it was their short sightedness that led to the loss of their pet? I cry every day. I'm just so screwed up. More than that, of course, I miss him like air. I can't reconcile the fact I will never see him again, hug him, love him and tell him I'm so so sorry.

If anyone can relate, please write. Thank you for listening.

Hi Christinatara, Firstly, let me send you a big warm hug. 

I know exactly how you feel. I'm not going to make this post about me, but I euthanized my beloved 10yo yorkie, Cupcake, 2 days ago. In summary she suddenly fell ill and I find out she has a tumor in her spleen and the next thing you know she's gone. It was shocking. You can read some of my recent posts if you so choose for more background. I feel incredibly guilty because I immediately chose to put her down the day I saw the xray. So, I feel guilty about the things I could've controlled as well as the things that were out of my hands. I know how you feel and there is really nothing else I can say to comfort you other than I feel just as screwed up right now as you do. I am so sorry, I know how you are hurting. Written with love, 

Sierre B.
With Love,

Sierre B. 
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