I've written a few times on this incredible forum. I euthanized my beloved dog October 7. And the only feeling I have more and more of, is how much I regret that decision and how much I am to blame for my own dog's suffering.
I really think I failed Humphrey. I think I took him on too many long hilly walks and it caused his body intense, agonizing pain, that left him tremoring and desperate. 6 months later after his death, things are finally coming together for me and I'm just totally in mental hell. I loved that dog more than anyone in my life and I think about everything, and in the end, I honestly feel that it was my own actions — my own limitations — that caused his suffering and in the end, the reason why he was euthanized.
I keep writing on this forum because I keep wondering if anyone else is full of total misery and a sense that it was their short sightedness that led to the loss of their pet? I cry every day. I'm just so screwed up. More than that, of course, I miss him like air. I can't reconcile the fact I will never see him again, hug him, love him and tell him I'm so so sorry.
If anyone can relate, please write. Thank you for listening.