Hi there. New here to the forums. Not sure where to start. I guess I'll start with introductions. My name's Holly. And I've been a very proud owner of a very beautiful, smart, loving grey arabian gelding named Oakley. I put up a memorial page of him with the whole story on how he came to be and how he passed away.
As for me, I don't think I've been doing too well. Not well at all. and I've wondered if anyone else has ever experience so much pain in their life over the loss of their special furbaby that it completely affected their life.
With me, I have lost so much interest in outdoor activities. I've barely gone out to the gym which is normally my favorite thing to do. I've just ate, slept, spent time with my cats and the computer than being outside and playing with the other horses. I have indeed spent some time outside with my other horses, but not nearly as often.
My sleep schedule is completely busted. I have such bad insomnia now that I sleep during the days and am more active during the night. Plus, whenever I do try to get to sleep on time, I end up waking up around 4 or 5 in the morning and I can't go back to sleep until 9 or 10 am.
My eating and drinking habits are also messed up. Hence the weight gain. Let's see... junk food, beer, lack of good foods. and lack of exercise.
I pretty much lost interest in just about everything I used to enjoy and do. Ever since I lost my baby boy, Oakley, I've been a complete mess. Also, I'd go for a few weeks without showering. I would, however, wash my hair in the tub, but that be about it.
I mean, the pain is soo intense, I feel like just existing and not really living. I just about lost the mojo to live and rather, I'm eating, sleeping, and doing whatever brings me emotional/mental comfort. Not really "living" just waiting for my body to be done and over with. Hence why I say I feel more like existing than just living. I mean it's horrible. Hygiene needs backsliding, exercise, healthy eating habits totally backsliding, and so has sleep, too. All that just feels like it's slipping backwards more and more.
Oh yah... and of course when I do have dreams where I see my arabian, I end up crying my eyeballs out. I miss him, and I know his spirit is alive and well, but I think my brain's totally confused. I end up saying my boy, Oakley, has died or is dead. and I bawl like crazy. I guess sometimes I just don't do enough crying in the physical world.
So I was wondering... am I crazy? am I the only person who feels like their life's daily routines, schedules, and needs have been scrambled?
I miss my baby boy, Oakley. And my doggy girl, Rosie, who passed away on the last day of March, 2010, same month my boy passed away. Only he passed away on the 2nd. Rosie, last day of the month. The pain is soo numbing it really hurts and has affected my life. Am wondering if anyone else experienced this?
I might be considering seeking a psychiatrist or group therapy for this. It's really messed up my life and I'm having a hard time coping with this.
-Holly & Oakley
P.S. Almost forgot... it also really didn't help matters at all either that some guy nearly crashed into us, into the back of my mom's truck when her and I went out to dinner this past Friday. it happened while we were stopped at a traffic light. Some guy in a black car he was driving got very wreckless. He jumped four lanes behind us, cut off a woman driving a green suv, and then to avoid us, he blew past us, tires squealing, and jumped the median. He ended up crossing the other four lanes -- which, god bless, nobody was in those lanes at the time! -- in the opposite side, and he came to a stop onto the sidewalk. Needless to say he came within a hair fraction of hitting not only my mom and I, but other innocent drivers, too, and it could have been fatal for many, considering the speed he was going at when I looked behind and saw him flying by us. man, those tires screeching from him swerving and that crash of him hitting the womans front of her car, those are sounds you never want to hear. Fortunately no one was hurt in this mans wreckless driving. My mom called the cops, talked to them as she pulled into a nearby restuarant parking lot after the light turned green. Asked the cops if they needed us for eye witnesses because we basically are eye witnesses... but they told her no, they wouldn't need her, she told them everything they needed to know and they'll be there to get things sorted out. So... needless to say, we did make sure that everyone was okay. The woman and her husband in the green suv are okay. The guy driving the black car hit his head on his ceiling, obviously because when the car jumped the median, it went up and so did him. And with a low roof, well, that's what happens. anyhoo, just science doing the talking I guess. But needless to say everyone is okay. I just hope the cops nail him for wreckless driving and endangerment like that. He could have killed a lot of people, including my mom and I. and I sure wasn't ready to be reunited with my horse just yet. it was very very scary. So glad we were all wearing our seatbelts, and came quickly prepared to dial the cops when need be. Boy! Yes, I think my horse is definitely happy my mom and I survived. Whew!