Jax29
Hello to everyone,
Can anyone help me with this,
On Sunday afternoon(18th Jan 2015), my dear cat Bonnie made these awful yowling sounds, my dogs came and got me and took me to her in my front room, she was laid on her side and I thought she was choking. I held her in my arms, as she seemed to  convulse, there was nothing in her throat, and she died in my arms. It lasted under a minute & I am totally heartbroken. 
I hand reared her after her mother died,when she was a few weeks old, and Bonnie was nearly 11 years old when she left me.
I have kept things as normal as possible for my dog's sake, they all grew up together.
My family have said I 'should be getting over it' by now, but I am so lonely without her, I am really devastated and dont know how to cope.
Can anyone help or suggest how to deal with this?

Jax29
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Bellamum
Dear Jax,
I am sorry that you are gong through this overwhelming grief after saying goodbye to your precious Bonnie.  I know the pain you are experiencing and we do not just "get over it".  It is a very tough time in our lives and it takes lots and lots of time to learn how to cope with our "new normal".  I think we will eventually adjust...we will not like it, but we will begin to be able to function again, but we will always grieve for our dearly loved companions and we will miss them forever.
I can imagine the anxiety you felt when Bonnie was in distress.  Could it have been a seizure of some kind?  I am not sure, but I am glad that she did not suffer for a prolonged period of time.  You said it was over in under a minute...I know that minute was very difficult, but it is reassuring that it ended quickly.  Sometimes we never really find out exactly what took our babies from us, but regardless of the cause, the effect it has on us is heart breaking.  The only consolation is that we were truly blessed to have had Bonnie (and my Bella) in our lives.  We wanted them with us longer, but we were so privileged to have had them for the time we did.
I wish you peace and healing. I hope that soon your memories of Bonnie bring you more smiles than tears.
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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Jax29
Karen,
Thanks for your kind words and understanding, I feel a bit on my own dealing with this, my husband is trying to understand, but he is a lot stronger than me and copes in a different way. 
The vet believes Bonnie had a heart attack, but unless I want a post mortem done,(which I dont), will never know.

Does the raw feeling ever subside I wonder. 
Well, before I start blubbing all over my computer again, I will go. 
I really appreciate your support and thanks again for taking time to write me.
kindest regards,
Jax
Jax29
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tml81573
Jax, the raw feeling does subside.  I am so sorry you lost your Bonnie so suddenly.  I think it is hard too when you don't know the end is on it's way.  I lost my beautiful Doppler dog Saturday and the raw grief is subsiding to be replaced to a profound ache.   
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shantismom
Jax, So sorry to hear of what happened to your little Bonnie, it is so difficult when we see them suffering and then gone so quickly.
The pain does subside in time.
My cat Shanti died in October, I have a picture of him on my refrigerator and when I look at it I feel sad but also on the refrigerator are picture of other cats I have had who are gone and when I look at them I feel a warmth remembering them.  So I will someday be able to see Shanti and feel the same way.  In the same way now when you tink of Bonnie you feel grief and heartache but after a while you will feel a warmth in just remember how special she was.
We all understand what you are going through and don't let anyone upset you when they say "get over it".  They just do not understand.
Marlene Wagner
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Jax29
Thanks to you all for your thoughtfulness and kind words, to have others going through the same experience is a great comfort.
For the parent of the Doppler dog, I truly hope you able to sleep, as grief is quite exhausting, and for the parent of Shanti, having a photo up is a lovely thought, something I might do in the future.
My dogs are still the usual clowns they've always been, and my husband is giving me lots of cuddles.
We are collecting Bonnie's ashes tomorrow night, so finally, my little girl can come home.

IMG-20140815-WA0005.jpeg 
Jax29
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shantismom
Love that picture, such a sweet girl!  
I always try to remember that the love we had is worth the pain we now feel.
If you'd like to see what Shanti looked like you can find his picture under My beautiful Shanti on this forum.  It may be several pages back but he is there.
I always like to see the pictures people post.
Marlene Wagner
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tml81573
What a sweet kitty!  You are right, the grief is exhausting, I have finally been able to sleep well and am starting to feel better emotionally.  This site is such a wonderful help.  Our last remaining pet is our cat Socks, who we also hand reared, bottle fed when his feral mother left only him behind in our shed.  He hated us and would hiss at us.  Now 13 years later, he is always on my desk.  As to your family saying "You should get over it," ignore them.  You will get over it in your own time.  It is not healthy to bottle up these emotions.  Glad to hear your husband has been giving you extra cuddles.  
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