paio77
Hello, this is all new to me, i have a 13 year old Chihuahua who is my baby...she has been with me through most of my life...all the good memories I have are with her by mi side.... A,few months ago we found out she has a brain tumor..and after,days of praying and she getting worse..tomorrow evening we will take her to the Dr to put her down....I have no words to describe how I feel...I cant get a hold of myself and I have been crying for weeks... Even my 2y old son looks worry everytime I look at my baby and cry. Is there any advice on how to deal,with tomorrow??? I am loosing it...
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AliceM
I am so sorry that you are going through this and I know its a heart breaking decision. It sounds like your baby was so loved and cherished. There comes a day when a lot of us have to choose between quality of life versus quantity I could not live with myself if I knew I had done something to cause one of my babies to suffer when they did not have to. When faced with this decision, I told myself that I would rather suffer the pain of losing my Cali rather than do something that would cause her needless pain. Just keep telling yourself that you loved your baby so much that you were able to ease her passing. My thoughts are with you and a prayer is being sent your way.
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Bellamum
My heart goes out to you as you face a tough day tomorrow.  Nothing I say will take away your pain, but I thought I would share some thoughts that I had nearly 1 year ago when I had to let my baby go as she suffered from a brain tumour and kidney failure.
The 3rd April 2014 was the hardest day of my life.  It was a day full of overwhelming emotion...immense sadness for my loss and deep, deep gratitude for the life that my dearly loved Bella, shared with me.  The things that helped me get through that tough time were remembering how lucky I was to have had the privilege of having Bella in my life.  I keep reminding myself of that every time I become upset. 
My husband also helped me cope with the guilt that I felt after having to make the difficult decision that it was time to let her go...the guilt really ate me up at times.  He reminded me that we would never, ever want to knowingly have her suffer as we loved her far too much for that.  He said that letting her go was the greatest gift of love that we could ever give her.  We ignored our own desire to have her with us as long as possible and put her needs first.  What could show her our love better than that?  That is exactly what you are doing, so in those times that become difficult, remind yourself of that and feel proud of yourself.
Between now and the time that you take her to the vet, spend every second you can with her.  Shower her with love.  Tell her everything that you want her to know...you will be glad that you did.  Take lots and lots and lots of photos of BOTH of you, together. Down the track you will be grateful you have photos of the 2 of you.
If you are up to it, stay with her until she closes her eyes for the last time.  As hard as it was, I am so glad that my family and I stayed and held our baby.  I am glad that it was her family's touch she felt, our voices she heard and our eyes she looked into as she peacefully closed her eyes and left on her final journey. 
And lastly, cry as much as you want to.  We need to be able to grieve in the way that we feel we need to. 
You will love and miss your baby forever, but I hope the wonderful memories of the life you shared will soon bring you more smiles than tears.
I will keep you in my prayers.  I wish you peace and healing.
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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Katel
Dear Paio  My heart goes right out to you, last October I was in the same situation with my beloved chihuahua Danny who had inoperable cancer and I had to take him on his final journey.  He was 13 too.
If words could ease your pain I would find them but just know that we are all thinking of you here and sending you wishes of support.. 
I was with Danny at the vet's and held him closely and told him I loved him over and over again and my touch was the last he felt and my voice was the last he heard.  That brings me some solace. Somewhere through all my pain  I knew that what I was doing what was the best for him, and giving him peace. 
I am sending you prayers and thinking of you. 
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ScruffysMom
Dear Paio,
Take heart that you are doing the right thing. I put my Scruffy to sleep just yesterday. It was the hardest thing but it was for the best. Everyone on these forums is very supportive and know what you are going through. I send peaceful thoughts and prayers your way.
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bullymomma
I soon will be faced with this difficult decision. I have two terminally ill puppies. I feel the same way you do currently. You don't want that baby to suffer anymore. He will be at peace and know you loved him enough to help him along. Thoughts are with you! 
I love my dear sweet babies! <3
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paio77
I just wonder how long this pain is going to be here... I feel weird, I am a high school teacher, a mom, and a wife.... I want to be able to be there for all the people around me, but my heart is broken and I feel numb..
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Amy78748
I'm so very sorry. I had to do this in November last year. I just got a pit in my stomach when I saw your post reliving what you're feeling right now. It's one the hardest and most selfless act you will ever do. I would highly suggest being with your dog. My husband didn't want me to,but I did and I'm so glad I made that decision. In the end, I was calm and able to comfort my dog in his final moments, considering all the love and joy he brought me-it was my honor.

I still cry sometimes, but I'm able to talk about him him without losing it. My husband got me a puppy for Xmas, his same breed. I wouldn't have thought it would help, but it probably has kept me from becoming very depressed about it. I felt guilty at first, but I know my miles wouldve have wanted the best for me. I know you're a long way from considering anything like that at this moment.

Take comfort in the fact that you did the very best or your dog. Try not to second guess your decisions afterwards. We do the best we can do at any given moment.

My heart goes out to you. It is a devasting loss that not everyone understands.

Amy
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paio77
Thank you all for your answers.

We have the appointment today at 6:30pm, I wanted to be the last appointment of the day so the Dr would allow us to have time with her. Last night she let me kissed her for the first time in many days. I am not second guessing my decision because I wont allow for her to go through pain. I will be with her kissing her as she goes to heaven. I dont think I could have another dog. My husband has two dogs already and I honestly do not think I could go through this again. The last thing in my mind when I got her as a puppy was to take the decision to end her life. I am devastating ...but very thankful for sharing my life with her during all those years.

Here is something I wrote for her this morning.

I remember the first day you got in our lies like it was yesterday (and I have the worst memory ever. You were just a puppy but you taught me so much. I was a teenager and you quickly became my baby. I referred to you as my daughter and could not wait to go back from school to see you, squeeze you and tell you about my day. You were there the first time a boy broke my heart, and you comforted me with your kisses. As you grew up you developed the best personality I could of ever ask. Most of the people would describe you as grumpy and angry, but I know you were just being very clear about who you loved. You never had a bad day with me, even though I am sure I did deserve those some days that I had to work all day or decided to spend my day somewhere else. I have so many memories with you I dont ever want to forget. You hated when i dressed you up like a princess...or a bee...or a barbie, but I couldn't resist it, you were so cute. The day I met my husband, I told him I had a daughter, and he almost stop talking to me....until I showed him a picture of you. I was really impressed that you accepted him so fast. I think you always had a better sense to see people's hearts than me.

We got married and we moved to Oklahoma. I know you loved the house immediately, and that big backyard you had to run for 20 seconds before you decided it was either too hot or cold for you and wanted to go back inside. You always slept by my side, making me feel loved and secure. You were the first thing I saw when i came back home, you and your wagging tail ready to kiss me and let me know how much you missed me.

When I got pregnant, I honestly had a fear of never being able to love anybody like you. You use to sleep inside my shirt next to my belly, until one day my son decided to kick you and you got so scared you never tried again. I have several pictures of me looking "pregnant" because of you. The day I came home with my son, I remember you being really curious about him, sleeping next to him, protecting him....until he started crawling....then you knew better and always stayed up in the couch so he wouldn't have access to your tail. You would still wait for him to take a nap so you could go snuggle with him. You eyes always talk to me, I knew when you were tired, happy, hungry, or just playing around....just like a few days ago they told me you were in pain. My sweet girl, we tried everything we could, and is now time to let you go.. I would do anything for you, even let you go so you dont have any more pain.

I hope you know how much you were loved and how much of a better person I am today because of you.

You were not only a crabby dog, you were my first child, my baby girl, my confident and my best friend. I will always be grateful for those days God allowed me to have with you.

I will always remember you....

Rest in peace my sweet baby.



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bullymomma
Hang in there! Always remember everyone here understands and we will always be here to listen and know what you are going through. She knows you love her and she knows you did what you could. My thoughts are with you and I hope you find peace.
XOXO
I love my dear sweet babies! <3
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BellesMom
What a lovely letter to your first baby. I will be thinking of you and your sweet pup.
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paio77
Well, she is finally at heaven and my heart is broken. It was a weird feeling of relief because she is no longer in pain, and also a deep sorrow of knowing she is gone. I can't be home without thinking of her. Everything I do reminds me of her next to me, begging for food, waiting for me to come play with her, even when my son goes for a nap...and I use to just kiss her and snuggle with her during that time... It seems that every day it is getting harder... This morning after my alarm went off, the first thing I did was going to the kitchen and try to find some food for her... I think I am loosing my mind..
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paio77
So I lost my baby last Friday, and even though I know it was the best for her, my heart still aches. I had a few moments since then where my son or my husband made me smile, but I cannot stop thinking about her and all the things we use to do together. I could not stop crying yesterday and I even had the urge to get a puppy. I honestly feel like I am loosing my mind. I know is too soon to get another dog, but I somehow want to heal a little bit my heart.
Any advice?
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tramseyer
Paio77,  you are not losing your mind. It's normal, very normal, to not want to grieve or accept or feel pain. Sounds like you have a wonderful bond with your girl, and that cannot be broken.  Not even by death. 

If you need to cry, do so, and don't let anyone stop you. Your son will understand, even if you have to explain it to him more than once.  You are teaching him that it is ok to grieve. If you're like me, you will cry buckets and buckets of tears - tonight I saw a human bib at the Dollar Store that says "Mommy loves me," and I just about lost it, as I have tears now.  I miss my girl so; and keeping the tears and the grief inside for show is not good.  

{{{{Paio77 and her family and her girl}}}}




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Jimbo106
It's never easy to say goodbye to a loved one, your feelings of extreme loss are normal.

Jim
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