Kayy
Friday night, I checked on my cat Sarah and rushed her to the emergency vet. She had a collapsed lung, punctured lung, blood was in the lungs, and air was seeping out. I don't know what had happened to her. The vet wanted a large bill to do surgery, we left and I couldn't see her in more pain, not even 10 minutes down the road we turned around and I had my mind made up on surgery. When we came back, he said she was in worse condition than what she was in earlier, we discussed surgery and he didn't seem too confident in working on her, he even said himself, also her being feisty doesn't help. I felt horrible, I felt like if the vet isn't confident it surely isn't making me confident. My boyfriend, who had a closeness to Sarah said, "I just can't see her in pain, what if surgery doesn't help, we would've put her in more pain than she already is.". I cried, we made the decision of letting her go, we took a visit she was in the oxygen chamber trying to breathe, I couldn't see her like that. We went back and headed outside, we both cried our eyes out. We picked a place and laid her to rest with her favorite toy. I loved that cat.
I have guilt and the what ifs. What if I checked on her sooner and rushed her to the vet, could she had made it? What if we just went through surgery even though the vet didn't seem much confident?
I woke up this morning and I felt emptiness, no Sarah was there on my bed sleeping at my feet. Today I go to work, but honestly I don't even feel like going. She was so young.
I really miss my Sarah.
Quote 0 0
LG
Oh Kayy, how heartbreaking! When we lose our sweet little ones, we feel such heart-wrenching grief, but those "what if" questions truly haunt......  My sweet dog, Chili, had liver ca. When she was diagnosed, we were told she would live only a day or two and that neither surgery or chemo. were options. Chili. strong girl that she was, lived an additional four and a half months, which I will be eternally grateful for.

The "what ifs" for me are; since she became ill, I've learned of homeopathic vets., who often have treatments that can give comfort, prolong life in a humane way and sometimes even are successful when traditional medicine is not. How I wish I had taken her to such a doctor! I also struggle with wondering if I waited too long to make that dreaded decision. At other times I think I should have held off longer.....

I think because we love our sweet little ones so very much, it is impossible to see our horrible situations with any true clarity. I also think that there are times when there is no "right" answer, we simply must make the best decision we can out of terrible options. The only thing we can use as our guide is our love, devotion and desire to put our fur baby's needs ahead of our own.

It's obvious to me that you love your sweet Sarah greatly. I don't think you had a "good" choice, though I surely wish that you did...... I think she was blessed that you made every effort to do what was best for her. I also wonder if perhaps the fact that you drove away, only to turn back 10 min. later, was a gift. Otherwise she might have gone into a surgery that couldn't help her and would have only extended her suffering.

She was loved and you did your best by her. Please remember that as you grieve. Also remember that you have people, here at Rainbow Ridge, who are thinking of you and sending warm thoughts your way.

Sincerely,
LG
Quote 0 0
derek
I so understand the grief you're going through.  I woke up last Monday morning to find one of my cats had died.  When I found him, it was as if he was sleeping.  He was only 9 years old.  I loved this cat and the grief I've been feeling at times has been overwhelming.  I still can't wrap my head around it.  He had not been sick and was just fine the day before.  I'm going through the "what if's" a million times over.  And it's hard to find anyone who really understands how much this kind of loss hurts, especially when it comes to pets.   It breaks your heart.  So yes, I do understand the emptiness and just how much you miss her.  The house just is not the same. 
Quote 0 0
LG
Derek,
    I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet little one. It is completely gut wrenching, and only someone who has had That Special Bond can understand the depths of despair we feel. My sweet girl, Chili, passed over six months ago now, and still, most days I cry. I pine for her daily and have trouble grasping that I'll never see her again.

I've personally found few people understand such grief for "an animal". If you find this to be the case for you, remember that everyone on this form does understand.

The "what ifs" are very hard...... As I said below, my only conclusion after a full six months is that we can only do our best. If we act out of love and selflessness, I don't think anything more can be done. I also now believe that sometimes there isn't an "answer", which is, I know, not what we want to believe.

I must remind you that your little one showed no sign of illness...... It seems to me that there would be no way for you to have done things differently. I know you would have, if given the chance....... I believe that your sweet baby died quietly in his sleep, just as sometimes happens with us humans. I'm sure that this is not comforting now, but I hope with time you will come to feel comforted by the thought that he didn't suffer......

I am truly sorry for your loss. Please know that I am think of you at this difficult time. I am sending thoughts for comfort and peace to you.

Sincerely,
LG
Quote 0 0
derek
LG,

Thank you so much for those kind words.  It is comforting to know there are people like you who do understand how much this loss hurts.  If I had seen warning signs, there is no question I would have gotten him help...but I didn't.  That's the worst part for me.  "What did I miss?"...keeps going through my mind a million times over. 

I am grateful I have three cats still with me.  They've gotten a little more attention than usual this past week, needless to say. 

I had Cal cremated and am still waiting to bring him home. 
Quote 0 0
LG
Derek,
    Perhaps you didn't miss anything...... An example would be, my uncle died of a stomach aneurism. One minute he was with us, the next he was not...... We have a very close friend who just dropped over from a heart attack. No warning. Nothing to be done, it just was...... So unfair, I know......

I don't know what is worse, the "death watch" that I endured for four and a half months, while trying to decide if she was in pain...  Should I end her suffering, or would I rob her of quality time with her family? Was I making her suffer and didn't realize her quality of life was too low? It was torturous....

But then I think of you, with no chance to say goodby, with the shock of it being over when you didn't even realize......  How horrible....... 

But perhaps, just as there are no "answers" sometimes, no "right" decisions, perhaps pain is simply pain and both ways of loosing someone we love so much is equally as devastating.

Derek, hang on. Cuddle the rest of your crew. I have three other dogs as well. I was grateful to have something to hold on to. Maybe plan what you will do when Cal (one of my dogs is named Cal) comes home. I spent hours and hours planning a granite grave marker for Chili, and although it was painful, it helped me feel like I was honoring her. Just a thought.....

I am thinking of you, Derek, in this difficult time.

Warm thoughts are being sent to you from me.

Sincerely,
LG
Quote 0 0
derek
LG,

Thank you again for your kind words.

Anyone who has had a pet knows that the worst part of having them is losing them.  And yes, when the answers aren't clear, whether it's dealing with a terminal illness or an unexpected loss, we all cave in to the sometimes unbearable questioning if we did the "right" thing or did we "miss" any tell-tale signs that we may have been able to see and get proper help sooner.  It's like reliving an accident over and over and asking myself what could I have done differently.  I'm a reasonable, intelligent person who knows I can't provide myself with those answers.  We all must go through this, whether we want to or not, and at some point give ourselves the peace of knowing that we provided a good life and home to those we lost.

How funny you have a dog named Cal.  I found my Cal as a stray while vacationing in California three years ago.  I fell in love with him from the moment I saw him, fed him the first day he found me and he was there every day for a week until I was ready to leave.  I knew I couldn't leave him and decided to bring him home with me.  I live in Illinois!  Yes, I brought a stray cat while on vacation in California back home to Illinois!  He was my souvenir :) !!  I love telling this story...no one can believe I did it...haha!  So I named him Cal....short for California!

I must go for now, but do want to thank you again for all your comforting words.  I hope to catch you again on here soon.








Quote 0 0
Kayy
LG,

Thank you so much for reminding that I did try my best by her. Since the vet didn't seem confident about surgery, it wasn't really helping me to proceed with it after speaking with him the second time. I was willing to get loans and pay but then my boyfriend just said what if it didn't work? What if it was just her time? Thank you for saying that maybe it was a gift to leave and come back 10 minutes later. What do you mean by good choice, I don't think you had a good choice. Do you mean I didn't have much of great options?
In a lighter note, I'll see her again. :')

Derek, I know exactly what you mean. It's those second guessing or what did we miss types of things that kills me the most. I hope down the road we come at peace with it, it may take awhile but we will get there.
Quote 0 0
derek
Kayy,

I really don't think at the time that you were left with an "easy" decision to make, based on all the information you had at hand. Sarah sounded pretty critical and to make that gut wrenching decision must have been unbearable. I feel you made a very selfless decision to spare her any more suffering. You made that out of love for her, even though you knew just how much it was going to hurt you to lose her. You know, she trusted you to make the best decision you could make and I think she knew you made the right one to end her suffering. I have tears rolling down my face right now as I'm writing this because I made that same decision you did with my dog several years back. Today, I don't doubt or second guess that I made the right one.

We all have learned that time heals. I know each and every person who has the compassion for animals that we do go through this anguish when they lose those we love, take care of, provide for, want to keep healthy, safe and happy. It says a lot about people like us, but it also says a lot about those pets who have touched are lives to make us feel this pain and grief when we lose them. They truly are incredible creatures!

I will continue to think of you and say a prayer every night that you find comfort and peace. I feel like I have a connection with someone going through the same pain as me right now... that I find comforting too.

Warmest thoughts to you and your boyfriend right now.
Quote 0 0
LG
Hi Kayy,
    I completely agree with Derek. Your sweet friend loved you and you did all you could to make the best decision for her. You are correct, I meant that you had few options. Sorry if my wording confused.

You are in my thoughts.
LG
Quote 0 0