Over my 65 years on this earth I have had multiple dogs. One died in my arms and the postmortem showed a heart abnormality. Some died quietly at home which is kind of natural and I can understand it.
Other dogs had the vet send them to heaven. My current dog is / was almost 17 years old. We had it while our son grew up (he is now 24) and my wife says she wants no more dogs / animals.
Today was the day we went to the vet and sent our sweat 17 year old to heaven. I am in a severe depression and much greater than any of the other times. I've grabbed some meds just to make me numb. I'm thinking that there are several factors:
The length of time she was with our family
This will be the last Christmas our son will wake up Christmas day in our home
This will be the last dog in my life
I now have a Medicare Card (getting older)
To be honest, as always I tried to beat the inevitable, the inevitable that the vet said at our last office visit. For 1.5 years she had doggie dementia and also balance problems. In the past 6 months the balance problems got worse and we blocked all stairs. In recent months she took some falls and also getting up was at times difficult. When she went out to do her business I stayed close behind so she didn't loose her balance and fall into our --- you know what.
Her quality of life as a dog wasn't that great but she would look at us with those eyes as though saying, "I'm here I know you, I'm ok."
She had a great appetite and we always said our decision would be when she stopped eating. That time came last Thursday. Maybe she fell and hit her mouth, jaw teeth and she wanted to eat but she wouldn't open her mouth. Today she did eat some of her breakfast.
Also last week her sight became almost non-existent.
Yesterday we made the decision that today would be The day. Then she starts trying to eat. I start thinking that maybe we should give her some time. But she is old, falls a lot, soils her bed, etc. and I think it is time.
Arrived at vet and they said, yes it is time, at 17 she had a good life. But I do have a guilt.
My wife and I were crying in the vets office and all day crying at different times and places. It was never like this before. Sigh....I don't even want to be in the house. Tomorrow morning will be hard. For all those many years my routine was --- say hi to doggie, take doggie out, give doggie breakfast and then make coffee. I am the only one up at 6:30 AM and nobody else gets up until after 8 AM. I can't stay medicated forever.