ellexruth
I had to put my baby down (Samwise "Sami") on my birthday (was Dec 10). She was 16 and a half years old. I got her when I was 13 with her brother and sister and they were only a few weeks only, could barely walk or open their little eyes. Bottle fed them all constantly. She was my best friend. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADD and anxiety back in 2012 and she was my constant support. That cat was with me every second of every day. Her death was so sudden. I still can't look at pictures of her without feeling like I'm being jerked out of my body and reliving the moment when she passed in my arms. The nights are the worst because she slept with her paws in my hands (she crossed them, I called them "princess paws" lol) and her nose between my eyes. I still listen for her purrs and reach for her when I'm half asleep. I literally feel like my heart has been ripped from me and my pulse just resonates out of that void. Sorry for going on and on. Hugs to everybody.

Lindsey
Samwise (Sami /Sam) Humble
May 21 2003 - Dec 10 2019


"and you're locked inside my heart
and your melody's an art
and I won't let the terror in

I'm stealing time,
through the eye of the needle"
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Lindsey,

I am so saddened to learn of your recent and heartbreaking loss of your beloved "Sami." I too have been diagnosed with BPD. I have also suffered from OCD and severe Depression for many years. My own cat named "Marmalade" also helped me through very difficult and dark times through his companionship. He saved me from suicide countless times just by his enduring devotion, loyalty, love, kindness and compassion. Losing him has pushed me to the brink of insanity. I am so, so completely shattered and heartbroken. So I can totally relate to your tragic loss. Although I did not know my boy when I was 13 years old. That is remarkable. 

Thank you for sharing some of your and Sami's story. Now many here will know of her. Sami is not forgotten.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James
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BoxerMomForever
Lindsey, hugs to you. I am very sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking to say the least.
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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ellexruth
Memories_of_Marmalade wrote:


Dear Lindsey,

I am so saddened to learn of your recent and heartbreaking loss of your beloved "Sami." I too have been diagnosed with BPD. I also suffered from OCD and severe Depression for many years. My own cat named "Marmalade" also helped me through very difficult and dark times. He saved me from suicide countless times just by his enduring devotion, loyalty, love, kindness and compassion. Losing him as pushed me to the brink of insanity. I am so, so completely shattered and heartbroken. So I can totally relate to your tragic loss. Although I did not know my boy when I was 13 years old. That is remarkable. 

Thank you for sharing some of your and Sami's story. Now many here will know of her. Sami is not forgotten.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James


Oh wow, thank you so much. I'm so sorry for your loss of Marmalade. I feel so lucky in a way that you saw my post - someone who can relate to having a pet comfort them in the throes of a mental illness. So you know what it's like. I mean, we all have a very special bond with our furbabies, but for me, having Sam during my mental illness was crucial to my survival. It's interesting that you spoke of suicide, because (and I've brought this up to my psychiatrist) Sami was a constant, absolute buffer between me and my mental illness. Often times I would be so suicidal and then just abruptly think, "... but what about Sam? She'll just think that I've left her." and that was a huge deterrent. I understand your pain. But now that she's gone the thoughts are so much more brutal. I would freaking do ANYTHING to have her back. Anything. God it's been a few days since I've even taken my meds. I just don't see the point. But God bless you, and I truly understand your loss.
Samwise (Sami /Sam) Humble
May 21 2003 - Dec 10 2019


"and you're locked inside my heart
and your melody's an art
and I won't let the terror in

I'm stealing time,
through the eye of the needle"
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ellexruth
BoxerMomForever wrote:
Lindsey, hugs to you. I am very sorry for your loss. It is heartbreaking to say the least.


Thank you so much love. And likewise with the lovin <333
Samwise (Sami /Sam) Humble
May 21 2003 - Dec 10 2019


"and you're locked inside my heart
and your melody's an art
and I won't let the terror in

I'm stealing time,
through the eye of the needle"
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kikis_mom_1118
Sorry for your loss it is very painful indeed. One day and one night at a time. As my girl slept with me, so I understand the void.
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ellexruth
kikis_mom_1118 wrote:
Sorry for your loss it is very painful indeed. One day and one night at a time. As my girl slept with me, so I understand the void.


It's so hard. Just listening for the little squeaks through her nose (she had allergies), the feel of her fur when she pressed against my nose, the "hand holding". It's like I only get 45 minutes of sleep every 48 hours. It just doesn't feel right.
Samwise (Sami /Sam) Humble
May 21 2003 - Dec 10 2019


"and you're locked inside my heart
and your melody's an art
and I won't let the terror in

I'm stealing time,
through the eye of the needle"
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kikis_mom_1118
ellexruth wrote:


It's so hard. Just listening for the little squeaks through her nose (she had allergies), the feel of her fur when she pressed against my nose, the "hand holding". It's like I only get 45 minutes of sleep every 48 hours. It just doesn't feel right.



Yes..I miss hearing Kiki's footsteps on our wood floor. I would be asleep while she stayed up with everyone else and when she got ready for bed I could hear her coming and then she would jump in bed and off to sleep we would go. All we can do is hang in there...
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ellexruth
Memories_of_Marmalade wrote:


Dear Lindsey,

I am so saddened to learn of your recent and heartbreaking loss of your beloved "Sami." I too have been diagnosed with BPD. I have also suffered from OCD and severe Depression for many years. My own cat named "Marmalade" also helped me through very difficult and dark times through his companionship. He saved me from suicide countless times just by his enduring devotion, loyalty, love, kindness and compassion. Losing him has pushed me to the brink of insanity. I am so, so completely shattered and heartbroken. So I can totally relate to your tragic loss. Although I did not know my boy when I was 13 years old. That is remarkable. 

Thank you for sharing some of your and Sami's story. Now many here will know of her. Sami is not forgotten.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
James

Thank you so much. It's been 2 months since I've been here to check my post, but I appreciate your sincerity. Sam was my CONSTANT buffer between trudging on with my mental ill and committing suicide. I miss her all day, every day. I think of her 24/7. I miss her with all that's left of my heart. Don't even understand how it's still beating. God I miss her. I've had the same shrink since 2010 and I've cried more in front of him in the past 2 months than the past 10 years. The death of that little cat has completely shattered me. I'm so so sorry to hear about Marmalade, but I do absolutely understand what you're going through.
Samwise (Sami /Sam) Humble
May 21 2003 - Dec 10 2019


"and you're locked inside my heart
and your melody's an art
and I won't let the terror in

I'm stealing time,
through the eye of the needle"
Quote 0 0