GrievingHannah Show full post »
Rudytoot wrote:
We must share  how we feel; don't hold back; as there may be someone looking for "just your words," that pull them through this.  I hope everyone can write about at what point  they started crossing over to accepting what had happened, and being able to love again.   That is what this site is all about.  

If we all write the same cookie cutter response, how can we help each other?   It was suggested to me that I should not write about God, and God's love, and going to Heaven here.   But there are too many people that love their animals, and they need to know.

And I had to write what was in my heart.  I felt it so strong; as Rudy's love was strong to me.   If I could not write that, then I had nothing to say.  Rudy's love was God's love.  It made it stronger.  How can I ever forget Rudy for doing that??

I think you did a wonderful thing when you took Mack in your home.  
I hope that when the time comes, others will be able to do the same.  


I am so happy that you wrote this.  I always appreciated when you wrote about God. 

A friend at Rainbow Bridge sent me a private message today and told me that God was helping me to get the right words out so that I could help others here at Rainbow Bridge.  I appreciated his taking the time to write me and tell me that.

All I know is that healing must be a part of the grieving process.  I was trying to share my experiences hoping that it might help others here.  People who have recently lost their animal family members need support and understanding in their time of gut-wrenching pain.  My message is one of hope.  If my pain after Hannah's death was so severe that I wanted to die (and I did), then battling my way back from the precipice has to give hope to some people, at least that's what I believe.  That doesn't make me special or anything like that.  It simply means that I've shared my experiences openly and honestly, and that some folks in terrible pain right now might see the hope in my story.

For me, folks offered me hope right after Hannah died.  Sonya, who promised me I would one day be able to look back on Hannah's life with a smile and love another animal family member, is a prime example of the power of hope. Her promise came true.  I consider Sonya one of my role models here at Rainbow Bridge (and several other great people).  I was trying to emulate the great gift that Sonya and others gave me.

And that includes you, Suzanne.  I admire and greatly respect you and your great love for Rudy.

Thank you, my friend.

Lee (Mack's and Hannah's and Heidi's dad)

Lee (Mack's and Hannah's and Heidi's and Janie's dad)

Fragile Circle

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan."

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Mistysmama wrote:
You know what? I was reminded of something today, I needed to remember.
Misty showed me a good thing. During her life and after she passed. They all show us this, and it is something us humans sometimes find hard. Sometimes we fall down in this respect, and can look at things with a different viewpoint. 
They all show us this, and I need to remember it all the time. It's the beacon Misty gave me:
Unconditional Love.
Unconditional Love lets us be US. Ourselves. It just loves us for what we are. Whatever we are, however we are, any way we do anything. When that kind of love is with us, nothing could be 'wrong'; we are ourselves, we shine, and that is a beautiful thing. It holds everyone in the Light.
They all show us that. Those we call our 'fur-babies'.
So blessings, Lee. On whatever you do, or anyone else does. 

That's a beautiful thought, Misty's mama.  Thanks so much for sharing.

Hannah's life of love and devotion continues to shine on is the light of love she left behind so that Kathie and I could find Mack.  Our beautiful Hannah showed us the way.

Thanks again.

Lee (Mack's and Hannah's and Heidi's dad)
Lee (Mack's and Hannah's and Heidi's and Janie's dad)

Fragile Circle

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan."

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GrievingHannah wrote:


I remember joining Rainbow Bridge in early February 2014 after my beautiful Hannah died.  Emotionally speaking, I was hanging by a thread over the abyss. I thought I was about to go off the deep end.  I wanted to die, and I'm not trying to be melodramatic. I was in so much pain, and my grief was so deep that I was physically sick, clinically name it.

But my friends at Rainbow Bridge...Sonya, Vicki, Karen, Jayme, Susan, Suzanne, Shadow's mom...the list goes on and on... helped me to gradually recover.  I think the legacy of my friendships here at Rainbow Bridge was encapsulated by my most recent post to Vicki:

For me, I can't allow myself to think of Hannah's end-of-life struggles any more...I end up crying and getting a bit depressed.

So my coping mechanism has become more of a positive. I have come to think of Mack as Hannah's legacy. I think that she would have wanted me to rescue Mack and give Mack a rich life that he deserves.  So all of my focus is on Mack, and, through Mack, I can focus on Hannah's good times and overall good life.  Yesterday, for example, Mack and I played a little ball in the back yard, and it conjured up fun images of Hannah playing.

What I'm trying to say is that I honor Hannah's life by giving my love to Mack and thinking about Hannah's good times through him.

To do otherwise would be to focus on Hannah's suffering and death.  I have come to believe that wallowing in her tragic and sick times is a dishonor to her life, which was one of noble and happy times despite her disabilities.  I guess what I'm saying is that I now believe that I've reached the point where grieving over Hannah detracts from her good life.

Rather, I choose to rejoice in her life through Mack.  It might sound like a huge rationalization, but I don't think so.  Life goes on, and my love for Mack continues to grow, which serves as a building tribute to my beautiful Hannah and the noble and overall happy life she lived.

I'm not suggesting that my philosophy is for everyone.  All I can say is that this is the happiest I've been since December, 2013, when Hannah first started getting sick.  You see...just writing about December 2013 hurts.  I just don't need to go there any more.  My great love for Hannah is now wrapped up in might sound like I'm forgetting about Hannah, but, to the contrary, I think about her more in good times through precious Mack.

Mack rescued me in many ways.

I'm not sure this will help you.  Maybe it will help others.  I don't know and I don't presume to know all the answers.  Far from it. All I know is that it's working for me.  And the key, in my humble opinion, was rescuing Mack rather than going to a breeder for a dachshund puppy.


Lee (Mack's and Hannah's and Heidi's dad)

I genuinely believe that the deep love I had for Hannah also got me to this point.  Coincidentally, a friend sent me this in the mail today, and I thought I would share it with all my friends at Rainbow Bridge:


Before humans die, they write their last will & testament and give their house and all their worldly possessions to those they leave behind.  If, with my disabled paws, I could write down my last will and testament, this is what I would say:

To a poor and lonely stray I'd give:

My happy home.

My bowl, cozy bed, soft pillows, and all my toys.

The lap that I loved so very much.

The hand that stroked my fur and the sweet voice that spoke my name.

I also leave to the sad and frightened shelter dog the place I occupied in my human parents' hearts, which seem to have no bounds for loving.

So when I die, please do not say, "I will never have a pet again, for the loss and pain is more than I can bear." Instead, please open your hearts to an unloved dog, one whose life has held no joy or hope, and please give MY place to him.

This is the only thing that I can give....THE LOVE I LEFT BEHIND.

Dearest Hannah,

As you wished, we have opened our hearts to Mack, who was abandoned, left to live the desperate life of a stray. He eventually contracted Lyme disease.  Mack was found again and sold on Craig's List as unwanted property, abandoned again, caged in a Beagle Rescue, and then housed at PAWS before we adopted him as his forever parents.

Hannah, our deep love for you is now wrapped up in our growing love for Mack.  We rejoice in your life just as we rejoice in Mack's new, joyous life.

I promise that I will only think of you in good times as Mack flourishes and thrives in his new, forever home.

Dearest Hannah...we have done as you wished.  Thank you for teaching us how to love so deeply.  Your life was truly our greatest blessing.

I will always love you.

Your dad (and Mack's new dad),



Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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