saz
Hi. This is my first post on this forum. I have lost MANY pets over the years, some very tragically, with violent deaths. However, I'm posting today about Hannah, a seal-point siamese who died nearly 4 years ago - yes, four.

She'd always had bad teeth and gums from kittenhood, and she'd always been terrified of the vet (so terrified they couldn't touch her even to remove her from the carry cage without using a gas-box). At home, you could do ANYTHING with Hannah - even clip her claws or pretend she was a guitar, strumming roughly on her tummy!

I was pregnant when she died, and she'd recently developed a very close bond with me, that she'd never had until then (she was 9). The vet (who I'd known for over 20 years) wanted to remove 6 of her teeth, so he decided it was less traumatic to do it in two goes. I have always been very anxious about general anaesthetic, so was very relieved that she made it through. A month later (I was 8 months pregnant), with slightly more confidence, I put her in her carrier and my husband dropped her off at the vet's.
When I went to pick her up, the vet said, 'Bad news, I'm afraid.' which is what he said when my puppy died there. Apparently, she'd made it OK thru the operation, and because of her feisty nature at the vet's, they'd put her somewhere quiet and out of the way to recover. When the vet went to check on her just before I was due to pick her up, he found that she'd died from respiratory failure.
Because I was 8 months pregnant and due for a ceasar within weeks, I didn't allow myself to dwell on it, and therefore didn't process her death. About a year later, we got Taisie, a ragdoll, but she is nothing like Hannah was. We also have an adorable Birman cross boy, Dexter, and he recently had a tooth out OK. He's my special buddy now a bit like Hannah was, but he's very timid.
I keep looking for free Siamese cats in my area on the internet, or at RSPCA and rescue sites. I know deep down I'm looking for Hannah, as I have this residual feeling that she's around somewhere (or still at the vet's) and I need to bring her home alive. She would be so angry at me, because she despised going to the vet.
I am an amateur potter and make pottery effigys of all our deceased pets for their graves. I did make one of Hannah, and actually entered it in a show. It's sitting outside, but it's not her.
Anyway, that's our story.
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Williver
Hi there, I just wanted to reply as I have just lost my beloved red-point boy 2 days ago. I know first hand what massive personalities these little guys have and my boy was stuck to our sides for 7 years, beguiling us, trusting us, loving us and so in your face was Ollie, sometimes annoying us with his awful rasping call!
 I'm sorry you didn't get to give Hannah all the attention you would want when the time came. One thing I've learnt from reading so many posts since I found this site is that nobody seems too happy with the way their animals have passed and how they dealt with it when the time came. This has given me some comfort. Oliver was only 10 or 11 so I feel a bit cheated and hoped this little ball of fun would have a few more years. The brightest stars burn out faster, that's what I tell myself. I know I too will at some point have that desire to have another Ollie in my life but for now we focus on his bereaved son, our blue point William.
Siameserescue.org is a good resource, if you feel you are looking for another cat like Hannah that is no crime, if the time feels right for you then why not? You will give a cat a second chance and clearly, heaps of love.
I wish you well in coming to terms with your feelings and hope you can give that love to a new furry friend.
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saz
Thanks for those kind words. I do see there are lots of homeless siamese on the net, but not yet unfortunately*, near where I live. (By the way, I live in Australia.)

*Perhaps unfortunate for me, but not the cats - I don't wish homelessness on any cat!

Saz.

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Meghanm
Hi there Saz. I really feel there is no "statue of limitations" on grief although this seems to be something other people try to impose on us. If you never truly grieved Hannah when she died, the pain will always be lingering in your mind. It breaks my heart when you wrote, you think that she is still around somewhere and you will always be looking for her. I have never heard anyone put this into words before so I thought it was something maybe only I had ever felt. I have to say thank you for writing that because I now realize I am not alone in that feeling. Please know there is no judgment here and you can express any and all of your feelings without having to worry about that. You are in my thoughts.
Meghan

"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever." ~ The Crow

"We don't "get over" our losses and just move on, we learn to live differently."
~ http://www.angelbluemist.com/frames/guilt.html
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saz
Hi. Guess what? I´ve been madly searchingonline for the right kitty to help me feel right. I´ve also been pestering my hubby to agree. Today, after months of searching,  I found on the internet a 10 mth old ($400) purebred siamese kitten in an RSPCA shelter about 3 hours away, AND a much younger, free, half-siamese tortoiseshell kitten, too. My husband gave his blessing that I follow u on the second one I found.
BUT this evening we took our Birman cross, Dexter, to the vet for a blood test, and found out his kidneys are not working properly, and he has to start on a very expensive renal diet.
So there goes my ideas of getting another kitt, and to make me feel even worsethan before, my ¨Dekkie-boo¨ isn´t well!
God is so confusing (I won´t say cruel, because obviously none of us mortals can see the big picture). But I am weepy tonite even so. I have come to realise in the past few years that I´m a bit psychic, so maybe the searching was a premonition - who knows. I just feel like Someone´s having a laugh at my expense.
Saz.

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donnalee
Oh dear saz, bless your heart, please know that no one is having a laugh at your expense....not the Universe, not God, not anybody.   What you have been through and are currently going through is sad.   This life is just plain difficult.  We get to have some happiness, laughs, & good things interjected here and there because, otherwise, we couldn't survive it if we didn't.  I know it makes us question why but I do believe there is a big picture.  Unfortunately (very), I think it is through our problems & hardships that we learn the most and grow spiritually.  I wish it wasn't that way!  I know, at times, we just want to call "time out!".   
Your story about Hannah broke my heart...poor baby.   I can only imagine how hard that would be to deal with since it just shouldn't have happened.   Yet, I see it over and over on this site.  People take their beloved and treasured best friend to the vet for a simple procedure and something goes terribly wrong.  It has kind of eroded my confidence in vets although we had a very kind and loving vet. 
Well, I hope you will be able to get the health problems of Dexter under control.  Hopefully, things will work out in the future for a siamese.  My brother-in-law's family has a new Siamese kitten and, I tell you, she was the star of the show at Christmas time.  What a playful and darlin' personality.  Everyone absolutely fell in love with her. 
Well, I sure hope things take a turn for the better for you and your husband.  I send prayers for you, your husband & little Dexter.
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