Sooz
I'm still so very raw with grief.  

I know I am so lucky to have had my little Bichon (he was an owner "turn-in" when he was close to 2 years old so I had all the info from the owner, and from the breeder where he was purchased, and he was born in the year 2000) since 2002 to 2018. He bonded to me immediately, and I lost my heart to him.  We celebrated his birthday, and his adoption day, every year. 

Luigi was the sweetest, happiest little guy, my constant companion who brought me such joy, who slept with me every night, who was never far from me, who always "found" me if I went into another room, and who had to check on me when I was in the bathroom.  I'd close the door --but not have it latch-- and within seconds, the door would open just a tiny bit, just enough for me to see his little black nose poking through, just enough so he could see me and to make sure I was ok.

He always greeted me with tail wags and a smile and tapping toes. 

At the vet's on Thursday (4/26/2018), just 11 days after his 18th birthday, it was time to say goodbye.  He was wrapped in the softest white cotton blanket and I held  him in my arms when the vet helped him leave. The grief hits me in waves and brings me to my knees.

It was the right thing to do, and the hardest.
I know everyone here understands.
Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you.
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xxcesarxx
RIP
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Sooz
I'm just heartsick.  

The grief comes in waves, and when I cry and sob, it's not pretty so I try to do it when I'm alone.  It's the ugly cry.  The loss and sadness hits me so hard, I start to hyperventilate and feel like I'm going to vomit--much the same feeling as when in the vet's office and knowing it was goodbye.  I scream in anguish into a rolled up towel.

I've lost beloved dogs before, too soon because of cancer, but losing my Luigi seems to be worse.  I feel so lost--he was so much a part of me and a part of my day and daily routine, I was always aware of where he was and what he was doing, never far from my side.  His adopted little rescue Bichon "sister"--out of the corner of my eye--is mistaken for him when my peripheral vision notes a little white fluff on the chair next to me.  The depth of my love is the depth of my grief.  

We don't have children, and my sister doesn't have children so there are no nieces and nephews to "love on." My dogs are my children. Not a lot of people in my real life understand that.  
Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you.
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catiebee
I very much understand. I have one remaining relative and some turns in life have left me very, very isolated. Like you, no children, no siblings, etc. The loss is enormous, and the pain is outrageous. And it seems to take forever to start to ease.  I wish I could say it will get easier and better soon, but everyone's grief journey is difficult. For sure, the first few days are the most torturous and the waves are highest and strongest, and just about knock a person's heart over!

Keep holding on, keep writing here. People do hear, understand and relate. I'm soooo sorry you're hurting so badly. Hugs to you and wishes for you to have comfort.



Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Sooz
Catiebee, I appreciate your letting me know how you understand, and how very isolating some of life's turns can leave us... you are I are in the same boat, so to speak, being so very alone. 

It's been a week today since I had to say goodbye, and the pain and grief come in waves.  I know from walking this road before, that this is the way of it for me...this journey I'm taking through the sorrow.

I am realizing that with Luigi, I have more joy in remembering him because he had a long and healthy life.

This joy for having Luigi so long, and my sadness and grief now, is unlike my total sadness/grief/loss about my other precious dogs, whose euthanasia decisions were forced upon me as those were lives shortened by cancer or by some other physical health issue that took them years before their average life span.  

I am waiting for his ashes to be returned to me, so he can be home again.





Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you.
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