Forum
Sign up Calendar Latest Topics
 
 
 


Reply
  Author   Comment   Page 2 of 2      Prev   1   2
shmoobear

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 88
Reply with quote  #16 
Bar, thank you for coming on and I'm so sorry for the loss of your beloved Bubba. I can imagine that even after over a year, the tears will still be coming. Sometimes the little things that remind me of Dakota make me more upset than the big ones. The table that he loved to lay under always makes me sad....but it's the things I'm not expecting that hurt the deepest. I came across an email that I sent just a few days before this happened. I mentioned something about Dakota in it to my friend. I kept reading and re-reading the email and was thinking "I can't believe on this date, I had no idea what was about to happen". It was like I wanted to go back and warn myself of what was coming. But honestly, what good would that have done? I would have just lost precious time enjoying Dakota because I would have been so upset.

Again, thank you for your reply, it means alot and does help. I hope that the start of a new week tomorrow will give me some sense of hope...
0
judy

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 45
Reply with quote  #17 
Hi Shmoobear,
How are you holding up?  I read your latest post about all the reminders.  I understand that too.  Do you know what is really getting to me?  Seeing Teddy's noseprints on the windshield of the car.  Yet I can't wash them away.  I received a few condolence cards today and almost but not quite started crying again.  I feel totally loss without Teddy and I understand how you are feeling too.
Judy
0
shmoobear

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 88
Reply with quote  #18 
Hi Judy, I feel really numb today....almost like I AM crying, but the tears just aren't coming out. Instead of it feeling better because it's a new week, it feels worse. Almost like I want to put the brakes on time marching on and turn to everyone in the world and yell "how can you act normally, don't you know that the world will never be the same??". I haven't had anyone say anything to me, but I'm guessing people will just assume that I should get over it. I'm not even anywhere close to that.

I know what you mean about the noseprints. Dakota's fur was EVERYWHERE (he was a Husky :))....the day we lost him I threw on a dark blue fleece before running out the door. That fleece is what I was wearing when I was hugging him, and when he passed away in my arms. It has his fur all over it. I have it folded up in the bottom of my closet, and I don't believe I will ever wash it, or where it again. I've taken it out a few times and smelled it. Dakota didn't smell....but I feel like I can sense him on it.

One of the hardest things to come to terms with is that I don't want to forget him. I know that I won't, and that it will be better when I can think fondly of him. But where my head is at right now is that I don't want him to be a memory....I want him here. I'm just not ready to get passed that yet.

What do you find is the worse time of day for you? I think it's nightime for me....by the end of the night I'm worn out, so any defenses I have or optimism or whatever seem to be gone, and I just get really depressed about everything...
0
bar

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 36
Reply with quote  #19 
Hi Shmoobear, You are very welcome!! Time will help alittle. But, we will also have our moments that will still hurt. A very good friend of mine did something real nice for me yesterday. He had gotten me a photo motion frame for Christmas and he hooked it up forme yesterday. Well, he put together the most beatuiful show of pictures that it made me cry Happy tears.There were pictures of my Bubba when he was little up to about a week before we lost him. Also he including pictures of his girl samatha that we had losted before Bubba and alos pictures of our two newest additions to our family. We know that they will never take the place of Sammy and Bubba! But, having Molly and Lucy sure will help.So I would like to thankGary for the best gift I could ever imaging getting. So like I said yesterday just try to keep your chin up because with each day it get's better then the day before.

Bar

0
roxiebabyg

Registered:
Posts: 2
Reply with quote  #20 

I am so very sorry about your loss, it is so hard to lose your pet.  My bichon got pancreatitis in jan and the vet said she was doing great until last week she vomited twice and had diarrhea and was not eating She was still her perky self and looked great.  She had blood tests done and the vet called to tell me she was in acute renal failure and needed to be put down.  I couldnt believe that I was gona lose my Roxie she died on good friday and its been 3days and  am still crying.  I miss her terrible I feel like I am dying.

0
judy

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 45
Reply with quote  #21 
Hi Shmoobear,
I feel the same way you do, so you are not alone.  I feel like a lost soul; just trying to function and think straight is difficult.  Teddy had a thick undercoat, too, and chows shed twice a year.  He was shedding now and where ever I see a little clump, I pick it up and put it in a drawer.  Like your sweats, he was lying on a blanket in the car; I don't know if I can wash it.  Same with Teddy - no real odors, but you can feel the presence.  I also put a piece of his fur in my mother's locket she left me.  I started crying again today when I added Teddy to the candlelight service for tonight.  How I want him here with me!  Just going through the motions of every day living.  While he was sick, I couldn't eat and lost weight.  I am eating again, but not that much.  I was just outside in the garden by his grave.  It's spring and I don't feel like planting anything, but hopefully that will change; I know both Dakota and Teddy were OUR LIFE and it is so hard to go on without them!
All day is bad.  I think trying to get up in the morning may be the worse.
We always went for a walk that time of day and now it seems like there is extra time and that I need to fill that void.  I do have all the cats that demand my attention, so that helps.  Several of them come to bed with me at night, so that is comforting.  Are you able to sleep at night?  I find it remarkable that I am sleeping thru the night.  I always used to get up at least once a night to let him out to pee and go myself.  Don't worry, you will never forget him and it's great that you have lots of pictures to look at and they will bring you happy memories.  I know that is the way it is with my other chows that passed.  I keep their picture on the fireplace in my kitchen and look at them everytime I sit at the table.  Did you add Dakota to the candlelight service?  There is a picture of Teddy on the candlelight link; if you get a chance, check it out.  I took it 3 days before he died.  I didn't think he looked sick at all, just beautiful.  And your Dakota is gorgeous too. Best regards, Judy
0
NTB

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #22 
Good morning Scmoobear,
Sounds like you and I have been on a similar path with our two amazing dogs, Dakota and Domino.  Both were loved and cherished during the many wonderful years they were with us and now both of us are struggling to adjust to life without them.  How both of them went from being vibrant to leaving this earth in such a short period of time probably has added to our pain, since there was no time to emotionally prepare.  The morning after I jumped on the internet to look-up tumors in dogs and was stunned to see how common they are and especially that some breeds are prone to them.  Had I known I might have been on the look out for their symptoms.  I take solace in that it appears that both Dakota and Domino went quickly without much pain. I remember just the day before Domino was galloping like a puppy playing with our 1 year old Chihuahuas, Bently and poking his nose into the grocery bags when my wife came home from the store.  My heart goes out to all others that had to watch their pets go through a slow painful decline.    

Like you, I had made Domino's picture as my computer background but it was too much.  I found myself opening applications just so his picture would not show through.  I hope to be able to get to the point that I can look at pictures without feeling sad.  I plan to go through all the pictures we have and make a slideshow and photo collage.  I go back to how fortunate and by circumstance Domino came to bless our lives.  Back in 1998, we were a one pet family with a cat named Bud, whom is still going strong.  Without my knowledge my wife had taken my kids to the pound to look at dogs.  They suprised me that weekend to look at the dogs.  I was not sure that I wanted to take on the responsibility of having a dog knowing that the dog would quckly become my resposibility.  At the pound none of the dogs seemed to be a good fit and since growing up as the youngest in the family I never was able to choose my own dog, I said no.  This broke my children's hearts and they did not speak to me for a few days.  Again without my knowledge they kept the search going and about a week later they said they had found the perfect dog.  I hesitently went with them to look, knowing it would be painful again for them if I rejected their selection.  I fell in love with him the moment I saw him.  He was four months old at the time and the people who were giving him away had taken in his pregnant stray mother.  They had previously placed him with another home but he had just been returned since their child was alergic to him. The owner had wanted to keep him since Domino was her favorite of the puppies but with three dogs her husband would not allow it.  I look back at this and see that god must have intervened in this process since he could of not have made a better match between myself and family and Domino.  He was part of the family from the first night we brought him home.  Included in the photos collage will be pictures of him as a puppy that were given to us by his original owner.  I feel so blessed to have been given the opportunity to share my life with him.

I know with time the tears and pain will subside but last night when I started feeling better I felt guilty since I do not want to stop greiving.  All it took was looking at a few pictures and raw emotions were there again.  It is strange that a few weeks before I was extremely depressed about life with the daily burdens and financial struggles and it felt like ground hogs day, just get up go to work pay bills go to sleep and wake up and do it again the next day.  I had commented to myself how I felt emotionally dead.  Domino's last gift by passing is that it has awakened me and I again know how precious life and family are and it has set me on a path to appreciate my family and every minute we have remaining together.  Enjoy your family and use Dakota's memory to provide you strength to focus on keeping your family happy and secure since that is what both Dakota and Domino strived for every day.

Lets both focus on the joyous times and remember how fortunate we both were to have spent many years together with Dakota and Domino.  My heart goes out to all whos pets left them earlier.   
0
judy

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 45
Reply with quote  #23 
To Shmoobear and NTB
I read your post on Domino, NTB, and have the same feelings you do.
It seems like nothing else matters now that my Teddy is gone.  I would give
anything to have him back.
Judy
0
Carol

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 17
Reply with quote  #24 
Shmoobear,
I read your first post and my heart goes out to you.  The story of your Dakota seems to be echoed throughout this website.  It seems that since animals have such an amazing pain tolerance, that we don't know until it is too late.  I had my kitty put to sleep yesterday.  I wasn't with him, he was at a special clinic in the next state.  I took him there on Monday to find out all of what was wrong.  His tests showed masses in his liver, abdomen and lungs.  I had them go further and do a biopsy to see if there was anyway that he could live longer without pain.  I had to go home and they called me from surgery and told me the disturbing news.  The tumors were rupturing with no encouragement from the Dr.  If I had let him live, a tumor could rupture at any time and he would suffer the consequences.  As much as I wanted to see him again, I knew letting him go was the best thing for him.  I had said my goodbyes to him the night before knowing, they would probably be the last.  I have not stopped crying since.  All the things you talk about, the regrets, the should I, if I would have, and the guilt we all feel for not being able to know they were ill with cancer.  I have the same problems with mornings, expecting to have him wake me for breakfast, head butt me good morning, then I realize I will never experience it again.  The heartbreak is so incredible and the tears keep flowing.  It was mentioned that people, even if they don't say it, believe it is ridiculous to grieve this much for a pet.  My work thought it was inappropriate to miss days to deal with a cat.  Hence, I had to give notice, before they fired me.  Obviously these people have never loved their animals in the same way.  My kitty was my family, my husband died a year ago and we had no children.  I feel the most incredible loneliness and lost my purpose on this earth.  I hope this will pass with time.

Try to remember all those wonderful things that Dakota brought to your life.  He is walking beside you in this process.  His love will get you through as I hope my kitty will do for me.  Take care.

0
Mac

Registered:
Posts: 60
Reply with quote  #25 
All,

I felt the pain for each of you as I read these posts, and the continuing sense of loss that each of you are feeling.  Know that loss is a very valid emotion, and there is no way you cannot feel what your loss is, so don't try to fight it, forget it, brush it aside.  And don't be guided by the comments of people who just don't understand. 

Know that painful memories will continue, and that it can be overwhelming at times.  When we lost our Sassy in November 09, I couldn't get through the day without submitting to tears at some point in the day.  Even the smallest thing, like finding a forgotten toy hidden in the furniture, or coming across an old biscuit under the car seat would hit me hard.  And I also went through a period when I couldn't look at her things, but I've learned to better manage since.

I always did like looking at her photos, only regretting that I did not have more (I am a terrible photographer!), and so putting all of them together, getting favorite ones enlarged, shopping for frames, etc. was all a good kind of "busy work" that nonetheless meant something to me.  Our girl was buried in a pet cemetary, so driving by to visit, putting flowers, etc. were things that helped to comfort me as well.

Know that you will move "forward" ("on" sounds so terrible that I don't want to use that word) and that in time the happy memories will push forward.  Find like-minded people who care and understand - there are so many great people here on this forum.  Identify things connected with your pet that you can do, and then do them.  No matter what your religious belief, KNOW that you came together for a reason, and that you will be together again one day. Those are the actions and thoughts that keep me going.

Keeping you and your special ones in my thoughts and prayers...  
0
shmoobear

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 88
Reply with quote  #26 
Bar-that was so nice of your friend to do that for you....it's something I think I will be up to doing in time...I have certain pictures that really help, and others that I can't look at yet. But I am very glad that they will be there for me some day when I am ready...

Roxiebabyg-I am so sorry for your loss. You mentioned that she was still her perky self right up until the end. I feel your pain with that. Dakota was acting like a puppy for the month before we lost him. I still can't put it together with how sick he actually was. But I'm trying to tell myself everyday that the suddenness was the best for him, and that someday I will understand that it was the best for him to go at this stage of his life, and that he didn't suffer...

Judy-How are you doing this morning? I've had a rough couple of days (and my computer has been down, that hasn't helped!). On one hand I am coming a little bit to terms with him being gone. On the other, I can feel the weight of depression sinking down on me. It's not all the time, but it's there a good part of the day. I think my shock is wearing off and I'm realizing that he's gone forever....that from now on he will be a memory. This is just such a long process for us, I don't think we will ever be fully through it...but i look forward to the day that I can show tribute to him by smiling. Poor Dakota would be trying to do everything he could to cheer me up right now. I hope that you are having a good morning..

NTB-What a lovely story about how you and Domino came to be in eachother's lives. I truly believe that everything is destined to be....and that you two were meant to share a life together. How lucky both of you were.....Again, your post is so similar to what I would say for myself.... 
Quote:
I know with time the tears and pain will subside but last night when I started feeling better I felt guilty since I do not want to stop greiving.
I read that line to my mother and she said "wow, that's exactly how you feel". As much as I don't want to feel like this anymore...I feel like letting go of the grief and depression would in some way mean letting go of Dakota. Everything I say these days seems to contradict something else. I know I'm looking forward to the day I can feel better.....but I don't want to feel better. This is basically how my brain is now working!

Carol-Thank you for your kind words....and I'm so sorry for the loss of your kitty. Those first few days are just unimaginable....I'm wishing you strength to get through them. I know that i felt as if I almost wouldn't make it through. As horrible as I feel right now, I guess I can say it does get somewhat better. I don't even know if better is the word...it just changes and you will be in a different spot that isn't as exhausting. But it sounds like you are struggling with the same issues of how final this is as I am. Those memories of waking up in the morning and all of that...sometimes I try to push them out of my mind because it's too painful. But then I feel guilty for trying to forget memories of Dakota. It's like we can't win...

Mac-What beautiful, well-said words. I'm sorry for the loss of your Sassy...it sounds like you've been exactly where we all are, and that you have come to some peace. I think it's wonderful for you to let us know that we will be there are some point as well. I think you are so right about not fighting the grief. I actually remember thinking that in the parking lot, right after it happened. I thought "no use in trying to fight it, this is just going to happen"....

I want to say how lucky I feel to have come across this website. I honestly don't know how I would be doing as well as I am right now without it. Just being able to compare stories and see that what happened to Dakota was not so unusual....and to share with people who really know what I'm going through. Thank you and I hope we all have a peaceful day..
0
judy

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 45
Reply with quote  #27 
Hi Shmoobear,
Sorry you have had a couple bad days.  I know the feeling only too well.
It's now 10 days Teddy has been gone.  This morning I didn't have too much time to think as I was busy doing volunteer work, but several of the ladies asked about Teddy cause they knew he was sick and most of them were quite supportive.  I found that the more they care about animals, the more
sensitive they are.  Ones that don't care that much for animals kind of brush it off.  I can't say I am really "used" to the idea he's gone.  I came home this afternoon and after saying "kitties, I'm home", I had to say "Teddy, I'm home", even though I knew he wasn't here.  It is heartbreaking to say the least and I just know you are having the same feelings about Dakota, as is every one on this site who have lost their beloved pets.  I am going to nap now; I got up at 5AM and have to do the same tomorrow morning, but in case you don't hear from me, I want everyone to know I'm thinking about them.  This site has been a God Send!
0
stomlinson

Registered:
Posts: 1
Reply with quote  #28 
Hello Shmoobear,
This is the first time I've actually used the forum here. And yours was the 1st post I came on. As someone said in an earlier post, My heart will not break because it holds precious memories I need to protect. Those memories are what I hold onto now. I lost my sweet Apollo Nov.3, '08. He died in my arms. He was 13. To this day I still shed tears, but only because I miss him so much. Apollo was epileptic and had been on meds for 10 years and did ok. He would periodically have his bad times but always pulled thru. To this day I wonder if I couldn't have done more. We never ever left him. He was with us 24/7 for 13 years. He was a huge era in our lives. Letting him slip away took a part of me with him,.but in the same way that part of him stayed with us. Dakota will always hold that place in your heart. It was reserved just for him from the beginning.Your happiness meant everything to him. It was Apollo that taught me it was ok to love again. I had a mini Poodle , Tinker, for 17 years and had to tell her goodbye one night . I told myself I would never subject myself to that pain again. That lasted 3 months. I was so lonely. One day I saw an add in the paper for Standard Poodles and berated myself for thinking about "replacing" Tinker. The lady happened to be at the truckstop showing Apollo and his sister to a interested couple. As I watched them, Apollo and I just watched each other. He was 3 months old. He was trying to pull away to come to me. When the couple decided on the little sister and everyone was leaving I went over to talk to the lady about Apollo. It was love at first sight! I couldn't leave without him. So from that day on I knew Tinker had her forever home in my heart and Apollo could take away a terrible void. From the first day Apollo always wore a heart pendant on his collar. I have a love of any kind of hearts. So 13 years later I'm sending this love of my life on to his next adventure. I had told my husband all along I would never be with out that kind of love again.He objected all the way thru it saying it just hurt too much to do it again. He was there with Tinker too. Well, 2 weeks after saying goodbye to Apollo I was on the internet looking. I found Maddie. She was a 5 month old Standard Poodle from a rescue group.I filled out the application and 2 days later they called asking if I knew a person with my husbands name. I said yes, he's my husband. They told me we had both been approved. We were both trying to adopt the same dog with out letting each other know it. I drove 3oo miles the next day to pick her up. A month later I took her into the local dog wash were I do my own grooming and after I had groomed her I found the most perfect shape of a heart on her chest. Her hair just grows that way. Proof that Apollo sent us to each other! His love never left. Our hearts are forever one. These days I smile and cry at the same time. He gave us so much and he keeps giving even today. The other day I was going thru some photos. I came upon one that I had taken of a rainbow just before we crossed a bridge. The reflection in the windshield showed me and Apollo setting in the seat looking out at it. You can imagine what that did to me. But now Apollo has his Angel wings and is a member of the welcome committee at the bridge. Be sure he was there to welcome Dakota and they are having a blast running free and happy, every now and then they look back. They'll be watching for us.. Keep close the sweet memories and know we were so blessed to share that time with them. WE were chosen.... not them.
.
Each love-drop filled tear here has mixed with the sunshine there at your new home, and your Rainbow shines even brighter for you now..... An old Indian proverb: "The Soul would have no Rainbow if the Eyes had No Tears" says it best... You now find rest in the Arms of God's very own Angels...what more could your family have ever wished for you? What more could have ever been wished.......
With love and compassion from our home to yours dear friend

0
Maxie98

Registered:
Posts: 1
Reply with quote  #29 
We had to put our beloved 11.5 yr old beagle, Maxie to sleep yesterday. She had become sick so suddenly, after being diagnosed with bladder cancer earlier this month. But, other than straining while urinating and the signs of an older, slower dog she was fine up until last week - she started exhibiting straining while defecating as well and the night before we put her to sleep she vomited non stop the entire night - it was the most distress and pain I had ever seen her in and it broke my heart. She stopped eating last Friday and over the weekend would not even look at food, I knew in my gut that it was not a good sign.

Reading you post makes me think of exactly what we went through with her. It's just a whirlwind of emotions - we also opted to be with her during the process because I wanted her to see us there holding her so she wouldn't feel scared.

It feels like a gapping hole in my chest. We had her since she was five months - she was the most gentle, loving, serene dog I've ever encountered - just a ray of sunshine. I just feel so lost without her- I get home and am so hurt when I don't here her scratching the door to get out, or her whimpers of happiness that I'm here. The unconditional love she gave us is something that can't be bought. We have another dog, that has been with her for her 8 yrs - she seems pensive and lost without her as well.

This is the most painful thing I've ever had to go through. I've been lucky so far to not experience such a close loss.
0
shmoobear

Avatar / Picture

Registered:
Posts: 88
Reply with quote  #30 
Stomlinson, thank you for your beautiful words....and I'm so sorry for the loss of both your Apollo and Tinker. What a sweet story about how Apollo came into your life. I'm so happy you've found another ray of sunshine in Maddie....it sounds like she was truly sent to you as a gift, with Apollo's blessing. Enjoy every minute of her!...

Maxie98, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Maxie. It sounds like we went through something similar....with the ages and the suddenness of the loss. It's been 2 1/2 weeks for me, and I'm still coming to grips with it. I think I understand his condition now....and even realize that his time on Earth was to be 11 1/2 years, and no more. And that we gave him all the love we had during those years. But I'm still left with the fact that I just miss him terribly. Sometimes I feel like I hear his collar jangle in the other room. It's comforting and disturbing at the same time.

Quote:

This is the most painful thing I've ever had to go through. I've been lucky so far to not experience such a close loss

We are also similar in this....I did lose my grandmother....but she as 96 and in a nursing home. I loved her deeply...but the truth is she was not in my everyday life. And while I missed her....there weren't constant reminders of her everywhere. With Dakota, it seems like not a second can go by without something reminding me of him, or me missing him. It still feels like a punch in the gut when I think "oh my God, I'm never going to see him again". Then I have to remind myself that I WILL be with him again, just not in this life. But it's not a lot of comfort when my body is just physically aching to give him a big hug and kiss. I'm so sorry for your loss....every day I think it gets "better"....which means it changes....but I do think it's a process that we are moving within, even if we don't realize it.

I wish us all peace tonight....though I know it's so hard to come by...
0
Previous Topic | Next Topic
Print
Reply

Quick Navigation:

Easily create a Forum Website with Website Toolbox.