Meggiemeg
Sitting in my car trying to go to work right now. I’m trying not to feel angry at anyone for being happy and not understanding why I’m in so much pain over a dog who was four and healthy when I dropped him off with my family to attend a wedding. Losing him goes beyond the piercing heaviness of his absence, it is alienating. I just want him back. It’s a nightmare I relive every day.
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear Meagan,

I recall your original post on this forum from around 1 month ago. Many of us here feel the same way that you are feeling.

I have to speak with people each day, ones I can not share my feelings of grief, sadness, sorrow & remorse with. As they don't want me to share my feelings with them, because they don't care or don't understand or have heard enough. Or it isn't appropriate for me to do so. I have to be "Fake Happy" as the Paramore song goes. I smile at them with my teeth. I nod my head. I maintain a pleasant demeanor. But inside I am crushed. And all I can think of is:

"Don't you know my boy is gone?"

"Don't you know my boy is no longer here?"

"Don't you know I need to see my boy",

"Don't you know how much I miss my boy?"

"Don't you know my boy is never coming back?"

"Don't you know that my heart is broken?"

And yes Meagan, every single day I awaken into a living nightmare.

: ** (

But I do feel very blessed and grateful to have this forum to visit and share my feelings and emotions and experiences and memories, with the kind, sweet, sympathetic, empathetic, understanding, supporting, wise, unique & witty people here. Thank you Meagan for sharing those wonderful, happy photos with us and some of your and your boys story.

Hugs,
James
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Jan_H
I am sorry for the pain you are feeling for the loss of your sweet, handsome boy. To lose him when you were away and he was young and healthy must be especially difficult. I have also cried over the loss of my boy driving to and from work. Sometimes a song triggers the pain and sometimes it just pops into my head. Be kind to yourself and be safe.

Jan
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Meggiemeg
Thank you so much James for letting me know I am not the only one feeling these things. Jan-H, I was trying to make the commute the time to cry but I find myself looking for the bathroom or a corner. I think once you’re passed the initial shock, you feel extremely sad. Hoping to find something to heal or feel hope and joy again.
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Meggiemeg
I should try it in this case but I think it’s helpful to designate a cry schedule. I did that for another life event and it works.
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Zeke1_
I am sorry for your loss, you are not alone here. I find this site comforting in that sense that we are not alone in feeling the way we do. I had gotten tired of people asking how I was doing, even some who knew I was in grief but just said it out of habit. For those times when I have a moment of strength where I can get through it without breaking down, I just say it --I'm sad, I haven't done anything for months, I have no vacation plans, whatever the response is to their question …….. because my dog was sick with bone cancer for an extended period and I just recently put him to sleep. They may get uncomfortable but I feel better of not "hiding" my beloved dog's death behind a fake façade of happiness. I feel I am honoring his memory in some small way by doing so and we can all just back to the business at hand and skip the niceties that are tearing me up inside. 
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