I know rationally that my kitty was old and not doing well despite treatments. What I am still struggling with is how his life came to an end on Saturday. Just two weeks ago, he began having focal seizures. We ruled out a few possible causes and were left with either sudden onset epilepsy or brain tumor/disease. We began seizure meds and he was going well for about a week. I even doubted when my vet told me he likely only had months left. About a week after the seizures began, my kitty Monty skipped one dose of his medication by eating around the pill pocket. The following day, he began seizing violently and scared my 3 year old daughter. It is so heartbreaking to see. From Tuesday until the last Saturday, he began a swift and steady decline, falling over in the litter box and having caked litter all over himself. I had to bathe him the final nights of his life, and he couldnt even stand up in the tub any longer. He was exhibiting very odd behavior like circling, suddenly could not jump, etc. The vet told me he is suffering, likely cannot see anymore, and more than likely has an inoperable brain tumor (tests run in the $thousands and even so, cannot be treated at 16 yrs old). I agreed with the vet to euthanize.

When I thought of putting to sleep, it sounded peaceful. In actuality, Monty growled at being held down. Vet asked if I wanted to spend some time beforehand and I said no-partly because he was anxious, and partly because the horrible anticipation of what's to come overwhelmed me. I stayed with him but as they began the injection, his eyes got very wide and his back arched. I quickly ran to the corner of the wall because I couldnt take it..I was sobbing and I couldnt see my baby that way. After about 10 seconds, the vet told me he was gone. I went to be with him, but his eyes were open still and my heart so broken I immediately fell to the floor in agony. I just dont feel like he went peacefully. The visions of Saturday and him with a needle in his leg are haunting me.
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Oh, Monty's Mom, my heart is breaking for you. I am so very sorry to hear about all you and Monty went through together.

My T.J. (my avatar kitty) was my soul cat, the very heart of the center of my ever-lovin' momcat heart. The bond he and I shared was extraordinary. He also had what we suspect was a brain tumor at the age of 16 1/2 years. I did everything I could to try to save him (including living in the land of denial for about a month) and then to help him stay comfortable. It was the first time I've ever had to let one of my furs go. I knew he would be the one, because he and I would have done anything to stay with the other. 

I was fortunate in that my niece was our vet at the time and T.J.'s death was very peaceful. I wish Monty's had been, too. I am so very sorry. 

I now work nights at the front desk of a busy, world class veterinary E.R. I've been working vet E.R. night shifts for seven years now, so I witness a lot more farewells than the average clinic worker. We're available 24/7, so nights and weekends are especially difficult. I have never witnessed a euthanasia that was anything but peaceful, and I it's heartbreaking to know that Monty's was so traumatic for you. He is at peace now, and I know he understands that you made the most difficult decision you could make in order to prevent him from suffering a moment longer. I know that he would tell you that he's grateful that you did everything possible to help him.

Please try to hold on to the wonderful life Monty had with you, and how much love you shared for sixteen years. 

I wish you a gentle healing from this crushing sorrow now. 


In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night. -- The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery

All tears are healing tears.  They help to wash away our sorrow and allow the first buds of happiness to blossom in our hearts. -- Susie "Squillions"

A fresh start after 947 posts. March 7th, 2011. I've been coming to this wonderful site since April 6, 2004.
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