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misscandy77

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I lost my dog Chloe in December and I am looking to get another dog.  Searching petfinder soon after was just to look and help me feel better that there are other doggies out there for me.  Now I'm serious, I want a dog.  I can only have one, and going from having one to not is rough.  I was getting excited about it as I am meeting some rescues tomorrow, I even bought some toys.  Then I just started bawling.  I miss Chloe so much, and I know I can't replace her but I feel guilty.  I feel bad for wanting another, I feel bad for being happy.  Then I get sad knowing that the new dog will be the final reminder that Chloe is really not coming back.  And sad that the dog won't be her or be like her.  I thought I was doing better, still crying myself to sleep but getting through my days and finding joy.  Now, the idea of getting a dog which was making me so happy is making me miserable.  Help!



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AmandaW01

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Hi there, I so understand how you feel and its very hard.  We've just got a new dog, we were considering it, and our Daisy just dropped in our laps - almost literally!  I felt so bad, its been such a short time since our darling darling boy went to the bridge, but our pup (different situation I know) was pining terribly, we were missing him so much, the house was so empty, then Daisy arrived almost out of the blue and its almost turned the clock back. She isn't Brock, she can't be him, she can never replace him, she's a very different little girl, but she's wormed her way into our hearts, our pup smiles again and has taught Daisy all the games she used to play with Brock.  My husband said to me  that if Brock was with us he'd have been so excited, he'd have loved her, he knows how much we loved him, and would be happy that we're sharing our love with a little girl who needs it so much.  Its strange, I had a terrible time the day she came, I felt so guilty, but then I realised that my love for my boy hasn't changed a bit, I've just got more love now and someone who can show give me cuddles, give me that wonderful love that only our fur babies can, and who hasn't replaced him at all, just made our lives that little bit more complete again after a massive chunk had been wrenched from it.

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chanceravi

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we lost our beloved white boxer Jan 09,our son bought us another 1 just a month after we lost him.we thought it was to early but by the end of the day he melted our hearts.in July 09 we lost our spaniel again our son bought another boxer our new dogs will never replace our other dogs but it does help.our house is bouncing again.

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Mac

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Reply with quote  #4 
All,

I think all of you were very loving parents to your departed pets, and part of what becomes a big motivating factor to get another pet is that ongoing sense of loss.  The quiet house, the lost "routines" that your pet was a big part of, all of these things become disruptive factors that also make it hard to move toward healing.

We have the same debate going on in our family right now as well.  We lost our sweet girl of almost 13 years in November 2009 (unexpectedly) and at first everyone said they did not want and could not accept another dog.  However, the loss has had the most negative effect on my mother, who is a senior citizen, retired, and more confined to home than anyone else.  She senses the quiet in the house and the break and uncertainty in her routine, and it contributes to her pain.

Recently we brought up the subject again as a family, and to my surprise I found that my mother was thinking about how we had provided a loving home for our girl (she was a lost dog that we rescued and kept), and that we could make room in our hearts and homes for another.  In talking to other people who have had multiple pets, getting another after one has departed did not really "replace" the other, but rather it did help to heal the hurt.

Although I am still struggling daily with my own grief, I am willing to concede that it can help, and I can do my part to welcome a new pet into our home.  It doesn't change how I feel about our last one, nor will it dim my memories of her, but if it can replace pain with happiness for my mother, as well as provide a home for a dog that needs one, what is the wrong in that?

I'll keep my prayers for all of you who are struggling with this decision, that the "answer" will come to you in a way that you know is right for you...
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misscandy77

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Reply with quote  #5 

I know some have got new pets right away, some wait a very long time.  I've had pets my entire life, but Chloe was the first on my own.  She was 6 when she died suddenly.  I think that is contributing to my misery.  I was so excited to start meeting dogs.  I thought that I was doing better, but now it's hitting me all over.  I really think it is the thought that it is final. Plus,  I still am so dumbfounded and shocked that she was fine and then she was at the vet dying.  I am traumatized beyond belief.  Nothing like that ever happened to a pet my family had.   Why her, why my dog?  What did I do?  I'm scared that the same thing will happen again.  I will love another dog and they will be taken from me too soon.  I think of a sweet wagging tail and happy kiss, then immediately think of Chloe and her sweet personality and how much I loved her and how much it hurts that she is gone.  I know that I love animals too much to live a life without them, that is just the chance we take knowing we will love and then outlive them.  I just expected more time.  I know I have more love to give and there is some dog that desperately needs a home.  I think I can honor Chloe by sharing our home with another dog like her, one with no home who may not know what it feels like to be loved.  I'm just sad and I'm scared and I miss her so much.


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txgal

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Reply with quote  #6 

I know EXACTLY how you feel....my little guy Jake whom I had for 15 years, crossed the bridge two weeks ago.  My husband and I have a small disagreement over when to get another dog.  Jake was "my dog" more or less and there is a big "hole" in my life now that he is gone.  As was mentioned the routine of caring for and being with him isn't there anymore and I am not coping well with the change.  I know in my heart that the next dog will not be like Jake; he will have his own personality even though they will be of the same breed.  I intend to adopt from a rescue group the same way he came into my home.  I am not feeling guilt about the decision to adopt soon because I think Jake would want me to give another dog a forever home....

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lovemypets

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 i can understand how you feel. We lost our precious Baby Girl Brandi on this past Thursday Feb 18th. She was 16 years but so full of life till she got sick. She was my 2 dss and my dog. I told my dh that after the one remaining dog we have passes away I do not want another one. He has mixed emotions. It is to painful losing them.

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Ponchosmommie

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lovemypets, that's exactly how I feel.  I just lost my baby boy Poncho on 2-12-10. He would have been 10 this December.(chihuahua)  He was all MINE! We also have a female black lab who belongs to my grandson. We really don't know how old she is because we got her from the SPCA 9 years ago...the vet guesses she's about 11 or 12. I know her time is coming but I hope not soon....when she is gone, I'm so afraid to get another. The pain is just to much...maybe I'm just too old now to go through it again. I've had dogs since I was old enough to walk! Poncho had a lot of medical issues so that makes me afraid too. My heart wants another but my head tells me no. I guess it's just a wait and see thing...I miss Poncho more than anything in this world. I hate getting up in the morning and I hate sleeping without him. I haven't slept in the bed since he died. I sleep in a recliner in the family room watching TV. He was a snuggler and I miss that SO much! My arms ache for him. They just don't live long enough and that's a sad fact of life.
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txgal

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I have cried all weekend....I had applied to adopt another miniature schnauzer and for the 2nd weekend in a row they have not been able to come out and do the home inspection.  The dog has had an upset tummy and I understnd they want to adopt out dogs in good health but I was so looking forward to having "someone" to come home to.  Now I have to wait ANOTHER week.......

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misscandy77

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Reply with quote  #10 

I got a new dog.  A private rescuer had brought him to my house last week and he seemed to make himself at home.  I was having a rough time, feeling guilty, the sobs were coming back. It was final, if I get another dog, Chloe is really really gone.  I knew she was gone in my head, but some days it was still hard to wrap my heart around it.  This dog was not what I was looking for.  He is too little, he's a doxi/chi, he's a boy...but somehow I think he's what I needed.  Things kept lining up in a way that convinced me that I was supposed to have him.  I had been looking for spaniels, girls, some dog that might have been more like Chloe.  She was a mix, so there wasn't going to be another but I was gravitating to the petfinder photos of dogs that looked similar even if they were a different color (that part was on purpose, didn't want one the same coloring, it would make it too hard).  I know some take comfort in getting the same breed but I think getting this dog that is so different than her makes me feel better, that I'm not replacing her.  Of course, I never could, there will never be a substitute.  But there is love after love.  As they say "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."  It is painful, but when you get a happy kiss and a tail wag, you know that it is worth it.  Last night was the first night in over 2 months that I did not cry myself to sleep.  I miss Chloe and I always will, but I need pets in my life, and this dog needed a home and I needed a dog.


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txgal

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Reply with quote  #11 
I am so glad to hear you feel it was the right choice!  I do remember having resentful feelings if you will toward Jake, my last dog, after adopting him.  His predecessor Bart was also a miniature schnauzer but had a completely different personality.  I didn't like Jake's personality at first but of course that changed! 
The dog I am trying to adopt is a different color from Jake.  I expect my biggest challenge will come from dealing with a young dog after living with a senior.  Jake was deaf for the last few years which did have its advantages from time to time!  I spent a couple of hours at the foster mom's home getting to know Mitch and I think we will be a good match.  Like you I need pets in my home.  I gave Jake a good home for 15 years and just want the chance to do the same for another dog.
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AmandaW01

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Reply with quote  #12 

I'm so pleased to hear that you have a new little man in your life now :-) It is hard, when Daisy came I thought I'd made a mistake as I was looking at her thinking you aren't Brock, I want Brock back, but she's wonderful and seeing my other pup playing with her is so good. Its lovely to have to cuddles again, and the way she looks at me and the way she's settled in so fast is just brilliant. She can't replace Brock, she never could do, but she is Daisy, she is fantastic, and it feels great to know that she now has a forever home and will bring so much to our lives, and us to her's.  The thought of what will inevitably come scares me, and half of me holds back from loving them completely, then I think that's just crazy, what's the point in that - so in (hopefully) years to come I'll cry buckets and feel like I want to die too, but rather that and enjoy the years of love, fun, wags and licks than hold back and all of us not share what we could...

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Attiesmom

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Reply with quote  #13 

I understand how everyone feels.  I lost my precious Attie almost 7 weeks ago...it was tragic and unexpected.  She was 5 1/2 yrs old and I enjoyed every single precious moment I had with her.  She left behind our other dog Cody, a 3 1/2 year old black lab.....he was so sad and depressed without her.  I cry every single day still....not only for myself but for Cody.  Approximately 2 weeks ago Riley landed in our laps.  She is about 3 months old and by our best guess she is a yellow lab/pit mix.  She was found by a man who then just gave her away.  I wanted to try to find her owners so I brought her to our home.  So far I haven't had any luck finding her owners.  She is quite a handful and is actually making me miss Attie more.  I don't think there is necessarily a time frame that is right....it's right when you feel it's right.  Riley is happy and although Cody isn't back to normal yet it makes me smile to watch him play with her. 

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