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Max147

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Reply with quote  #1 
Hello everybody. Can somebody please help me. I lost my beautiful dog max a month ago & I just can't cope without him. He had congestive heart failure & was beginning to struggle which was unbearable to watch -he was nearly 11. He was struggling with his breathing & cdnt get comfortable so we took him as an emergency to the out of hours hospital at 1am on Sunday 27th January 2019, the worst night of my life when we decided to put him out of pain.

Ever since that horrendous night I've literally cried non stop every single day. I can't get his beautiful face out of my head when I walked out of the vets room (I couldn't face seeing him take his last breath). Therefore I deserted him & I feel so guilty it keeps me awake every night. I miss him so much especially in the mornings, I feel that I can't go on without him. I just want to be with him. I lost my beloved mum 4 years ago but I didn't feel as bad as I do now & that sounds terrible because I was so close to my mum but its true. I struggle to eat & sleep & all I think about is that fateful night & how horrid & soulless the house is without him. I wander round the house calling his name hoping he will give me a sign that he is somewhere safe & happy. Isn't it ridiculous? I have friends who say they hear or catch sight of their beloved deceased pets sometimes in their houses/gardens but i get nothing & i had a wonderfully close bond with max we went literally everywhere together, even when I was doing the ironing he wd sit on my feet 😢. I'm so worried he hasn't forgiven me for taking his life away from him - I had no right to do that. I have his ashes & a memorial of pictures & his favourite toy but I don't feel he is round me & it's killing me. I wish I was with him & I want to believe in life after death so I will see him again but I've seen nothing so that makes it even more unbearable. Please could someone help me. Thank you so much & my love goes out to all of you going through the same nightmare of grief xxx
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ImissyouGrindle

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Reply with quote  #2 
My grindle died on Feb 10th in the morning after struggling to breathe for an entire night from congestive heart failure. You did the right thing to end his suffering early and I'm sure Max appreciated that. I too am not a believer and am having a hard time dealing with death, having his ashes and paw print doesn't make me feel any better knowing that he will never be able to feel love and joy the way he did while he was alive just 10 days ago. You are not alone in the misery of losing your best pal.
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neesy369

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Reply with quote  #3 

I am so sorry for the both of you.  I came on here today because it has been 6 weeks and 2 days since I had to send my Sam (Sammy) over the bridge and I am having a very hard day today.  I thought I was getting better and accepting and healing but now I find myself back at square one of denial.  I dont know what is wrong with me.  Like your Max147 I cannot get my sweet Sam's handsome face out of my mind.  I want to hold him, and touch him and kiss him so very badly.  I thought I had already passed this stage and here I am going backwards again.  Coming onto this website; however does remind me I am not along in my grief.  I just thought I was getting better.

 I am so sorry for loss Max147 and for your loss ImissyouGrindle.  I hope that you both can heal as each day goes by.  It's a big roller coaster of emotions.  I just thought I would move forward in my grief and not backward.  I know our fur angels would not want us to be unhappy, as their entire reason for being in our world here on earth was to make us happy.  I will try to smile a little bit today and hope the same for both of you...so broken inside

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155

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Reply with quote  #4 
Max147
I am so sorry about your Max. It resonates with me deeply because my oldest son had a beautiful Lab named Max. He's been gone about 5 years but everyone still misses him so much.
It is well known and oftentime said here in forum also that when a pet dies it can be so much harder than losing a parent.
I lost all my immediate family members years ago..
mother, father, and brother but the pain and heartache were nothing as intense as when my precious cat of 11 years passed away. It was January 3rd of this year I had to have him put to sleep and the guilt and horror of that moment is still with me and I imagine always will be. I miss him unbearably but I'm finding each new day is softening the raw gut -wrenching pain. It takes time and I know it's easy to say that 'time' will be our salvation..but it really is true. We will always be sad and deeply hurt, but the passage of time will restore our interest in life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Max147

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Reply with quote  #5 
Thank you so much you lovely people & so sorry for the loss of your beloved pets. Nessy369 I can quite believe the way you are feeling - I think there will be many hard days ahead and it's comforting to know that there are others by your side understanding how difficult life can be without our best friends. ImissyouGrindle, Thank you for your support, I hate the fact that it's spring time & I can't romp with max through the woods in the daffs & bluebells like we always did & he can't feel the love & hugs that we shared. 155, I send my hugs to you, you give me hope, I hope you got my message. Xx
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Charmaine118

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Reply with quote  #6 
I started reading this and had to stop because I started crying. I am feeling the EXACT same way that you all are. My baby girl kitty Geneva, had SNEAKY congestive heart failure, and I had to put her to sleep on Feb 9th. I don't think i have hurt this HARD ever. I thought the death of my brother was the ultimate, but this HURTS so deeply until grief is almost a smothering feeling.

I feel like I am going crazy. I have two other precious kitties who i dote on and LOVE, but Geneva was special. She lost her hearing 3 years ago, so I catered to her and spoiled her extra and she loved me more than life itself and us being without each other is  tearing me apart.

I don't want to talk to anyone, or eat and I sleep hard and cry and then sometimes I cannot sleep. It hasn't even been two weeks. I have her ashes and her paw print and i talk to them, but it's not the same. No life in those ashes. How could my sweet baby girl fit in that tiny box and I beat up on myself for trying to help groom her the night she crossed over.

Her coat had changed. I brought pet shampoo and gave her a bath and blow dried her fur the night she died and although every vet I talk to says the bath did not kill her, I feel like I killed my baby. What if I had not given her a bath? Did it stress her out? I cannot say that because she LOVED the tub. i have a video of her in the shower. Yes, and people would marvel at how a cat loved water so much, but I feel like I killed my sweet baby by giving her a bath that night. I was only trying to help her and I know it and she knows it.

I have passed up on taking trips because I did not want to leave her home. i have walked in the snow and ice to go buy her favorite food and treats..actually for her and both my other babies, but because she could not hear anymore, I went the EXTRA mile for Geneva.


With congestive heart failure, anything can trigger it. One vet told me that it was bound to happen, whether it be after a bath or the doorbell ringing, it was bound to happen. I am just happy that I was with her at the end. If I had come home from work and found my baby dead, I would have REALLY felt guilty. I would have beat up on myself for going to work that day and at least i had the chance to hold hr while she took her last breath. She looked so peaceful.

I am sorry to be telling you my story, when I was supposed to be comforting you about your sweet baby Max. My feelings are all over the place, but all in all, I thank GOD for this forum. It has given me somewhere to come to where I can pour out my feelings and realize that there are many others who feel like I do. I pray that you all keep coming back and talking about your babies. IT IS OKAY TO CRY. Those were our babies.

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Charmaine Langford
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neesy369

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Reply with quote  #7 
So sorry Charmaine118 for the loss of your Geneva. Yes it is very hard. The hardest thing I have been through and still going through. I understand she was special to you. I have three cats and nd my Chihuahua. I love them all so much, but my Sammy was my soulmate. I feel so bad for the babies I have now because all I do is cry now for my Sammy. I dont seem to be able to enjoy all my other fur babies. I feed them and kiss them but I'm always crying. I hope each day you find more peace. Keep writing about your Geneva, it helps. Mu prayers str with you and for everyone who is missing their sweet fur angels who are waiting to be with us again some day, over the Rainbow Bridge.
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Suze16

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Reply with quote  #8 

Max147, big hugs to you.  I also lost my sweet Max 1 month ago and I’m still struggling a great deal. He was 10 ½ and had end stage cancer. I couldn’t watch him suffer and made the heartbreaking decision to say goodbye. Mornings are especially difficult as he used to cuddle on the coach with me before I left for work. The house is so empty and lonely without him. I have his stuffed bear with his collar in the corner of the couch. It is not ridiculous at all that you look for a sign that your Max is safe and happy. I hope for that as well though I haven’t picked up on any. You’re not alone.

Please do not feel guilty for letting your boy go. It was the most kind, selfless thing you could have done for your baby. You did the right thing, out of love. He is free of pain and suffering and he knows that you loved him.

Sending love and comfort your way.


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Rest easy, my sweet Max. 2-24-19
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SugarBooger

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Reply with quote  #9 
Max147:
I know what you are feeling as our 12 yr old Sugar had congestive heart failure. Last Monday on the 11th, we had to suddenly put her down after bringing her to the vet on Sunday. She too had started breathing hard and was unable to get it stable. I find myself thinking of her frequently, especially when I first wake up in the morning or come home from work as her presence is no longer there to greet me. I’ve also been dreaming of her and wake up feeling exhausted. At least they are good dreams where we are together but when I wake, I feel lonely again.
I wish I could help you but know that there’s no easy fix for this. We need to keep going, be grateful for the time we had with them and try to focus on the fond memories. I pray the guilt leaves you as you did the best you could for Max. You loved him til the end, and I truly believe they know we’d do anything for them. Stay strong and just take it one day at a time.
-Mari
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Tweety97

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Reply with quote  #10 
I put my Lady to peace Jan 2. I had her 18 years.
The emotional pain is no less than losing a child.
In some ways I wish we didn’t have the option to dictate death due to the guilt we suffer.
I’ ve begun to think, what if she could see me somehow, her heart would break over and over to see me this sad. Because her only care in life was to make me happy. And I think each time I cry she’d be sad and wonder what she’s done wrong.
It’s a merciful thing to end suffering not a bad thing. The hurt hasn’t gone away but the initial sting has gone now.
I still can’t bring myself to look at her photos and not feel my heart break. There’s no quick fix. Deeply deeply sad for anyone going to through this.
Time is the only healer in these circumstances.
Big caring hug.
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Rosakat

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Reply with quote  #11 
I am so sorry, I feel your pain. I just lost my 17 years old princess.i am in pain
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Charmaine118

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Posts: 24
Reply with quote  #12 
Ohh, my heart and prayers go out to you. May your beautiful Princess be forever in your heart and i know she will. This is HARD. I am so glad this forum is here. I can't say it enough. I say write, write, write. Write out your pain and cry it out too. This is a safe place for us all to do so.

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Charmaine Langford
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neesy369

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Posts: 193
Reply with quote  #13 
So sorry Rosekat for the loss of your Princess. Yes, I understand you are in pain. Boy do I ever! Today will be 7 weeks and I still miss my Sammy a d cry every day. Today is a hard day for some reason. I just cant believe he is gone. I cannot concentrate. I want him back so very badly, but I know he is fee from pain now, and he has probably learned how to use his angel wings by now. This really sucks.
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CraigD

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Posts: 8
Reply with quote  #14 
thank you all for being so supportive of each other.

this has been the most difficult time of my life. I feel so lost and helpless and its only day 3. It feels so raw and surreal, happy and healthy one day and very sick and gone the next. I wishnthismvould be a bad dream.

I miss my girl Savannah sommuch, im so heart broken

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RIP Savannah 2-23-2019
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Rosakat

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Reply with quote  #15 
Thank you both, yes, this is very painful.
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