heapik
2 days ago I lost my baby girl Fiona, she was only 7. I feel so guilty because if I had checked the door just 5 minutes earlier I would have let her in and she wouldn't have been hit by that truck. She was chased into the road by another cat that I never should have let out knowing she was outside, for some reason he would chase her and I usually let one out and one would stay in. He was annoying me so much and I didn't see her outside. I unfortunately saw her in the road and when I checked my camera I saw the entire thing, which now sticks in my head like a horror movie playing over and over. I could see her by the door waiting for me when he chased her right into a truck. I had to put the other cat in another room, I can't even look at him. She was a huge part of my life, she was so shy and I would have to get her every night and bring her in, I live in upstate NY and it's cold at night. I have so much guilt and so many "what ifs". I should have never let him out, but I called her and didn't see her anywhere, we have 60 acres so she could hunt all over and had been cooped up for a few days so I figured she was running around. I didn't know she heard me and was close by, I hate myself for it, should have never happened, I cry all the time, I just miss her and it was such a tragic death. I feel like my heart has been torn out, I miss my Fiona so much!
Heather pikna
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camunki
I am so sorry for the loss of your Fiona, and the image that you will replay in your head over and over. Part of the grieving process is the guilt, along with the could haves and would haves and should haves, unfortunately none of this will bring your Fiona back. At "that time" you did what you did, and you did not see her even after you called her......you did not "plan" for this to happen with Fiona getting chased into the road. It is hard enough with the grieving process, but please do not add more pain to your life by hating and blaming yourself. I am glad you had 7 wonderful years with Fiona and sometimes in life, things happen that are out of our control. Please be easy on yourself.....

cam

Cam


 
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heapik
Thank you, your very caring and kind words help.
Heather pikna
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cakes488
Oh heap I know all the pain of the what if's.  I lost my cat at my vacation house in upstate NY.  I replay those days in my mind frequently what I should of and could of done all the better decisions that I could of made.   

This happened over 2 years ago and I'm still tore up about this baby that my negligence has lost and killed.  I'm not sure how to "get over it"...maybe at the 5 year mark...10???  I don't know but I do know IT SUCKS!
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heapik
Yes, it truly sucks. We get so attached and they are such a big part of our lives. She was a big part of my daily routine, she was so shy. I don't believe we'll ever really get over the guilt that we feel. They rely on us and trust us, I feel like I let her down and have such a hole in my heart. It was just so tragic, so unexpected, maybe that makes it worse, I don't know.
One day at a time I guess. We'll never forget them, that's for sure.
I hope you one day have peace over your loss too. HUGS to you and thank you!
Heather pikna
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Beaglemomma
Oh honey, I feel so badly for you.  You couldn't have known of course, but that doesn't stop the picture in your head.  I have that too.  We lost our little Beagle 6 weeks ago and that afternoon in the Vet's office won't stop playing in MY head, so I know what you are going through.  Wish I knew how to stop it.  I try to make my mind go to a pleasant memory of her, but the damage is done by then.  Try to be gentle with yourself.  You NEVER would have harmed your baby and she has to know that.  Sending you hugs.
janice
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heapik
Thank you, it's nice to have people that understand the pain and heartache. Still have a lump in my throat and holding back tears, so much reminds me of her. We just love our little ones so much it just hurts when they go. Thank you again for your support and hugs to you and I'm sorry for your loss as well.
Heather pikna
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