huckleberry1918
It's now been 53 days since Huckleberry went missing and I've been building a stronger relationship with my other pet Banjo. It hurts though and I feel guilty when I'm petting him. I know that I shouldn't and there's nothing I can do to help Huckleberry, but the guilt and sad feelings won't go away, and I keep thinking about Huck. Does anybody else have that same issue? What do you do to stop it? I tear up most of the times, when I'm petting Banjo, and it's not fair to him. 
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anang
First of all, thank you for posting here. Your love for Huckleberry is inspirational and please know what an incredible person you are!

Your love for Banjo is a wonderful, healthy, therapeutic thing, both for you and him. Cats are intuitive and although they don't always show it, they sense our feelings and emotions. Banjo may not be able to hone in on where your grief is coming from, but he certainly is aware of it and wants to be comforting to you. Never feel guilty for loving or playing with your cat. Tearing up is painful, but honestly, there is a hormone released in tears that have a calming effect on you and your body. Therefor I suggest letting the tears out. 

I have had the somewhat opposite experience since my Ana Ng passed almost a month ago. I love my other cat Meeper, but he is not Ana Ng. I find myself loving him, but cognitively recognizing all the ways that they are different cats. 

My thoughts go out to you and your family,
Katie
K. Unger
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huckleberry1918
Thanks Katie for that message. I never really knew how much I loved Huckleberry until he went missing. I learned a lesson, that any pet or person, can be gone in a split second. Even though it's been 53 days, I'm still kind of in shock that he's gone. I've been doing much better this week, than prior weeks, but it still hurts. It's strange, but in a way, I feel like if I stop griveing for Huck, I'll be completely giving up on him.
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Jan_H
I am sorry Huck didn't return and you feel guilty and sad spending time with Banjo. Logically there is no reason for you to feel guilty about enjoying Banjo and making him happy. But feelings aren't logical. My situation is more like Katie's. I know Jagger is gone and I love Tiger. I feel guilty that maybe I don't love Tiger the same way or enough. We both miss Jag and can't seem to really comfort each other. I always used to say that Jag was Tiger's favorite toy. He was the annoying little brother. But he also followed Jag. Jag used to eat breakfast and then drink water. So Tiger would eat faster and get to the water bowl first. Then Jag would stroll over and stare at Tiger while he drank and drank. Didn't matter there's two water bowls.

Hopefully it gets better over time. Banjo, Meeper and Tiger are good cats that deserve our love and attention. And we should be happy and enjoy our kitties.

Jan
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huckleberry1918
Thanks Jan. You're right. Banjo, Meeper and Tiger all deserve mine, Katie's and your full attention. I understand that logically, but I still get those guilty feelings about Huck. I'm sure time will heal all wounds. I don't think I'll get to that point, until the shock of Huckleberry being gone, wears off. I wish I could explain it.

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Jan_H
No need to explain. Many, many, many years ago my cat shot out the back door to chase a cat off our property. I never saw her again. I don't think she survived for long. But even ten years later (again a long time ago) I would see a similar cat in a window and wonder if it was her. It wasn't. It's hard when we don't know. When to give up, when to move on, when there is a spark of hope and it gets crushed.

Pet Banjo for me.

Katie, give Meeper some love for me.

Jan
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anang
Thank you Jan for your heartfelt and kind remarks. Yes, our cats all deserve our love and affection. 

My heart, love, and thoughts go out to you Jan, for losing a cat without receiving any resolution. Huck, my prayers are with you that your baby will still return. Continue to love Banjo, as he will bring you comfort during this extraordinarily hard time.

-Katie 
K. Unger
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Jenniferhiggs1221
i am so sorry huckleberry never returned home..and i know it leaves u with a sense of not knowing if hes ok or not..it is possible though that he did wander off and someone found him and took him home with them and hes taking care of..that is at what i hope happened so that he is safe
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