MaxsMom2
I’ve been feeling immensely guilty today. I woke up and I didn’t say good morning to Max or hug his Red Flannel blanket I have rolled next to my pillow. Every morning I start the day begging for him to come back, my stomach in knots from the sadness. This morning, I had a lot to do. I woke up grumpy and never said good morning to him or thought of him for hours. I admit, it makes me feel like a careless mother, only 15 days since my baby’s passing and I didn’t sob for him, or remain still thinking of him. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m in a stage of denial. I’m starting to wonder if I’m not morning him suddenly because I am sure he’s gonna walk through that door with One of his dog Walkers or sitters. That he’s at another location and he’ll  be brought home to his family, where he belongs. He will show up excited at the door, ready to eat, then ready to play, then ready to sit on our laps as we relax on the couch at the end of the night. I thought all of the crying and depression and lack of functioning was me grieving his loss. How is it possible that I’m back to a place of believing he will walk through that door? When I think of never holding him again it feels like I’m falling off a cliff that is black and bottomless. I always thought my love and care for him made him invincible. I was Very  in tune with his behavior and health. I felt if I was vigilant and protective enough something like this couldn’t sneak up on us. I hate myself because I couldn’t fix it, I couldn’t take the pain away and didn’t know how bad the pain was. 
Laraine Esposito 
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Lucyz_Dada
Laraine,

There are many stages of grief. You’re grieving, no doubt about that! I implore you not to pull too much guilt upon yourself. I’ve read several of your posts, and there is zero doubt that you loved and cared for Max very, very much! Max doesn’t want you to grieve... he wants you to heal and remember. Maybe... just maybe, he’s helping you to do just that.

Blessings to you, girl.

Jim Allen
Jim
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Alanfar
We have all been there. I have felt guilty for not felling guilty too. Guilty for not thinking of her for a day. Guilty for thinking I might forget her as time goes on. It's all normal. You loved your Max and he knows it.
Prayers
alan farlowe
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MaxsMom2
Thanks Alan. Yes, that’s a big part of it. I’m afraid of forgetting him... It scares me more than anything. 
Laraine Esposito 
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