I am completely heartbroken and just filled with guilt right now...

I've had my precious cat Snickers with me for the past 6 years. She was a real moody thing but out of anyone in the house she always chose to cling on to me. She always slept with me, give her baths, even let me trim her nails. We just had such a close bond.

Well every night Snickers would go to the door and cry to let her out so we did and she wold ALWAYS return within an hour or so and then she stayed in for the rest of the day. So last Thursday night (7-30-15) my mom had let her out and she came back in an hour later. Friday morning my mom had left to run errands and Snickers ran out but my mom didn't think anything of it and figured she would just run back in within 30 min or so. Which I had no idea that had occurred at the time since I was asleep. So when I woke up I couldn't find her and at first it didn't concern me because I thought she maybe was in the garage because anytime we did laundry it was in the garage and she liked going in there and would go to her spot and sleep for a few hours and come back out. Well it got to be 4 in the afternoon and still no sign of her. I started to become worried because surely by then she would've come out to eat and drink. Then my mom had come home and told me that she had ran out so I thought maybe she just took off. Me and my sister went out to the neighborhoods and looked for her EVERYWHERE. Nothing. I posted things on Facebook, went to our Humane Society. Still nothing. I got my hopes up thinking that because we hadn't seen a cat in the road that she was alive still and I thought maybe someone just took her thinking she was a stray.

So I continued to do posts about her and search until yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from one of our friends who lives a block away. He saw one of the things I posted about her on Facebook and he could barely get the words out to tell me but when he did he told me that Snickers had been hit by a car Friday morning but didn't realize it was Snickers until he saw my post on Facebook. I got off the phone and was in shock for a few minutes and then completely lost it. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach and I felt just so weak. I felt numb, couldn't eat, sleep nothing. Still can't. I just can't stop crying.

I feel so guilty. I know I shouldn't but I do. I keep playing the whole what if game with myself. That morning my door was shut all the way and I always had it propped open a bit so she could come in when she came back from being outside but that morning it was shut. I keep telling myself maybe she was trying to get in and she couldn't and if it had been open for her she would've came in and not gone out. I know it's wrong but I can't help it. I feel so lost and heartbroken. I've had other cats before who have died but this one is hitting me the hardest. We also recently got another cat who looks like Snickers but smaller and it hurts to even look at her right now and I feel so bad about that. I just don't know how to get over this.
Quote 0 0
I so understand your grief and guilt. Of course it is natural to feel this way and the guilt is not wrong --- it is just our loving, human reaction. Please know that Snickers is chasing butterflies with angels and there are many of us out here who share your feelings. My sweet big MAK died Sunday. He too was the sweetest little dog and suffered disabling separation anxiety. While we were out for only a couple of hours he was crated -- something he disliked but to keep him safe, was unavoidable. He vomited and aspirated food from earlier in the day and I found him dead in his crate. The guilt is unimaginable and the sadness is overwhelming. I have placed you and Snickers on my prayer alter because I think it will help me too. It will take a while for this grief to find a place in our hearts where it doesn't cause so much pain and know that it will happen. I am so sorry for Snickers' death and for your pain. Stef
Quote 0 0
Thank you so much Stef. I am so for your loss, that just breaks my heart for you. We will get through this. I will too pray for you to find strength through this hard time.

- Katy
Quote 0 0

It is easy to blame yourself for what happened when you are the sole provider for your pet and in charge of their safety and happiness. I did the same thing when my little Breck was hit by a car on Saturday. I was 50 feet away and watched it happen. After he was gone, I kept asking myself 'why didn't I put the collar on tighter' and 'why didn't I use the harness instead'? After praying about it, I came to the conclusion that when a tragedy like this happens, no one is to blame - its been a part of God's plan since the day we brought Breck home. I could have done 1000 things differently but ultimately God called Breck that day and he was going whether I wanted him to or not.

Ask yourself 'If I had known Snickers was going to leave me after just 6 years would I still have taken her'? The answer is most definitely YES! You would trade anything just to have one more sweet day with her. God gave you Snickers because he knew how much love and joy she would bring you. Snickers would not want you to feel guilt - she would want you to feel the love she has for you especially now that she's gone.

As far as your other cat that reminds you of Snickers; do not let her resemblance bring you pain. She is probably mourning Snickers just as you are and she needs extra love and attention. We have another four-year-old dog, Indie, who is grieving for Breck just as we are. Use this time as an opportunity to help each other heal and don't try to compare your other cat to Snickers because each animal has their own personality just like humans. Embrace the things you love about your new cat. We plan on getting a new puppy soon and we hope he resembles Breck but he will never replace him. 

Remember, our time here on Earth is so minuscule compared to the eternity we will spend in heaven. Snickers and Breck are waiting there for us now and we will see them again.

Prayers and Love,


Quote 0 0