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PeanutGarcia

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Reply with quote  #1 
It's been three weeks since my Peanut passed.

The wife and I were getting ready to go on vacation. I had to go back home to get something j forgot. My 9lb terrier who would always rush dogs to greet them, slipped past us went out to see a larger dog (maybe about 80 lbs) that was coming around the corner.

The dog, who was a rescue who was previously abused, must be been frightened and began mauling her. I jumped out after 3 seconds and choked the dog to drop her. We rushed her to the hospital.

She was badly damaged. Several snapped off ribs, hemorrhaging, punctured lungs and more. The vet gave her a 50% of surviving surgery, but said he worried she would be unsuccessful in recovery since it was too damaging. He said we'd probably have the same conversation about euthanasia a week from then...

The wife and I decided to euthanize her. My brother was there and supported the idea... I can still hear her howls of pain... when it was time, we had to go to the room she was because when they moved the box she was in, it was too painful for her...

Its been about three weeks and I haven't stopped crying. She was my best friend. We did everything together. Watch TV, work out, hike, go to parties, go to farmers markets, everything... I feel I murdered my best friend. I feel I didn't give her a chance to fight. I feel I gave up too quickly... I know the surgery was extensive, and the injuries severe - especially for such a small dog - but she was such a fighter. She was a scrapper and champion. We would go on 3-5 mile runs together. People would be amazed and laugh when they saw her... imagine a 9 lb terrier running next to a 200 lb man on intense trails... she was my motivator and my coach. And I just feel I should've given her a chance... she would've done for me, I feel.

I just wish it was me. I wish I could've taken her place. I would've been mauled by a bear and sustained the same injuries if I could've spared her. I swear to God I would... I broke down the other day and told my wife I don't think I can lead a family, if I couldn't protect our fur daughter and make the right decision. I felt she should leave me and be with someone that can make better decisions. I'm afraid I'll be a terrible father.

I just feel so guilty... I do. I keep apologizing to them - my wife and Peanut. I've cried aloud, apologizing to Peanut. I hope she understands I did my best and did what I thought.was best for her... I can't stand this guilt... and I feel my friends and family tell me I made the right choice because it's what I want to hear... but I don't know

- Christian

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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #2 
I'm so so sorry to hear that....I am sure you do wish you could take her place i understand:( they're so loving and pure at heart and love us unconditionally even while in such pain. As difficult as it is you did do the right thing
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camunki

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Reply with quote  #3 
you did do the right thing, and took away her pain, and guilt comes into play for so many of us, in hindsight, wishing we could have, should have done something different.

You Peanut is a beautiful girl and I can picture her running along side of you, having fun in the beautiful world with her legs kicking back as she is running free next to you. Yes, when our beloved pets transition into their new world, a chunk of our heart is taken and never replaced.

I am glad you gave your Peanut a wonderful life, the tiny lil' girl loves you and will always be your guardian angel.

Please know you are not alone and please keep posting about your sweet girl as this path we call grieving is a hard one.

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PeanutGarcia

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Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you, Camunki. It's been three weeks and I still can't stop grieving. She really was my best friend and my companion in everything.
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #5 
I’m so sorry Christian. Nothing compares to the grief for our best friend. You’re coming up on a month and I know every day and week has been counted. You won’t believe it’s a month and you’re still breathing and yet somehow you do. Keep talking to your wife she’s your lifeline but remember this can but an incredible amount of stress on a relationship. Anger and grief are very similar
I have to strongly disagree about the kind of father you’ll make because I can feel the incredible love you have for Peanut.
You did nothing wrong and believe me I don’t give * lip service*. Crappy horrible things happen, they shouldn’t but they do.
Christian I want you to know after working in the Vet field for a long time when the Vet tells you what he told you the chances of surviving were very slim. Now youve taken on the pain so she wouldn’t have to any longer. You did it for her. Hugs,,,,,

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Lynn, Tankie’s mom, forever
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PeanutGarcia

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Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you. It means a lot.

Like I said, i just felt terrible that I wouldn't be a good father and be able to support the family.

She was a 9lb terrier. 4 snapped ribs, hemorrhaging, air under her skin (she was inflating), and a punctured lung... I know how bad it sounds. I just felt she could've fought and with a miracle, she could've made it... but i know more likely than not is she would wake up with an anxiety attack, as she had bad separation anxiety... i don't know.
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Lis

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Reply with quote  #7 
Your pain saddens me so much. I understand how you feel. I am haunted by the fact that I recently signed the papers to euthanize my fur baby who was dying from complications from a surgery meant to save her life. I cry every day. At the same time, I realize that what I did was truly necessary. Please forgive yourself. You only did what needed to be done. As parents, we need to make the tough decisions in life. Your baby knows you only had love in your heart. Lean on your wife. She seems like a very supportive person. You also seem very wonderful and loving. I believe my fur baby would forgive my decision. I believe yours would too.
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PeanutGarcia

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you. I have heard similar stories of complications after surgery or sudden pass som after. I just guess I can always play the "what if" game. I just feel it's my fault
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Tankie12

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Reply with quote  #9 
We want them back so desperately we think of every possible angle that could have prevented them not being here. It doesn’t matter what you’re told, your heart is running this.
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PeanutGarcia

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Reply with quote  #10 
Your expert opinion actually is very comforting. I just don't know if it was the best option. But everyone (friends and family) tell me she probably couldn't have made it, or she would suffer the rest of her probably short life... I just don't know if they are trying to be comforting
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AndreeaCat

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Reply with quote  #11 
Unfortunally no one knows about the what ifs. If she could make it or not. You had to take a decision and under those circumstances,it was the best one. If u had decided to fight more u would have been sorry for causing her more pain. So..it was a loosing game,either way. Because theese kind of complications provoke pain, hard treatments, and when the vets told you about the chances,pain,of course you took the best decision at that point.
I feel the same about putting to sleep my 15 y girl,my cat was my soul and i feel just like you feel. I hate myself for not being able to save her, letting her go. I did everything i could to save her but failing it,makes me hate myself. I dissapointed her. The gulit and pain it enormous. If u find a way out..pls tell me because i am a mess too
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PeanutGarcia

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by AndreeaCat
Unfortunally no one knows about the what ifs. If she could make it or not. You had to take a decision and under those circumstances,it was the best one. If u had decided to fight more u would have been sorry for causing her more pain. So..it was a loosing game,either way. Because theese kind of complications provoke pain, hard treatments, and when the vets told you about the chances,pain,of course you took the best decision at that point.
I feel the same about putting to sleep my 15 y girl,my cat was my soul and i feel just like you feel. I hate myself for not being able to save her, letting her go. I did everything i could to save her but failing it,makes me hate myself. I dissapointed her. The gulit and pain it enormous. If u find a way out..pls tell me because i am a mess too


Thank you for your kind words. At this point, I am feeling a bit better about the guilt. I've been able to step out a bit and think of what I would've told a good friend or family member to do. I would've told them to let her go in peace.

I think if there was pain or less happiness, you did the right thing.
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