I have a lot of guilt. Lately there has been a lot going on in my life, health issues. I feel very stressed and overwhelmed with dealing with all of this, while also properly mourning Max. I was journaling or writing to him on here almost daily. These past two weeks, with everything going on I’m not allowing myself to grieve. Grieving is so heavy so intense for me, that I have had the emotional room for it to survive. When my husband suddenly says something about Max, I start hysterically crying, I keep thinking of how much stress relief and happiness he brought to me. Going through this trauma and stress without his is something I haven’t done in years. Just having him lye next to me when I cry, helped me. His presence helped me. I miss him just as much today as I did two months ago when he passed. He is my baby, always has been and he always will be. Love you Son. 
Laraine Esposito 
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I am so sorry about Max. Losing a pet is never easy, and especially now, because they provide us all with so much comfort.  I hope that your heart heals, while you love and honor him always.
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Dear Laraine - one of the hardest things I told my husband about losing my baby boy Patch is that he was my rock from the time he was a puppy.  He was there for me through both of my parents deaths, divorce, moves, job changes, remarriage.  He lifted me each and every time I was sad.  He could be in the middle of playing, running around, barking at squirrels, having a ball, whatever and literally drop toys from his mouth, everything he was doing, if he detected I was sad or off to console me. I was immediately transformed to laughter with his kisses, licks, and demanding happiness. His death (God how I hate saying that word) has broken me to pieces and brought me the most sadness and now he's gone.  My rock is not here to lift me during the hardest time of my life. 

I understand your pain. I'm fortunate to have another boy to help me through this tremendous loss, but he's more timid and I also don't want to unload on him as he's mourning Patch too and is older - I don't want to make his golden years filled with saddness.  

I'm overwhelmed too.  The only other task I can barely manage is work - because I have to.  I haven't cooked a meal or done laundry in almost 5 months since he left - my husband is doing it all.  I'm trying but barely taking care of myself.  I'm sorry to hear of your health issues on top of losing Max.  I've seen some of your other posts and feel your deep, unwavering love for him and understand the bond and loss.  There truly are no words.  

Thinking of you.  XOXO
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I know how you feel.  I miss my precious Pecan so much.  Somedays I can’t even breath.  Since her death was sudden I feel so guilty and almost responsible for her death because I could not save her.  She was my best friend and my true soulmate and now I have to learn how to live without her.  The fact that she was only 9 makes me feel like a failure, like I didn’t deserve her and I let her down. Please try not to feel guilty.  It’s dark feeling and it bring unnecessary pain.  Please take care of yourself.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.  Hopefully our hearts can heal someday.
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Laraine, I feel the same way, I feel like I'm not properly grieving either. I would get on social media thinking it'll help, but it makes things worse. I would see something that triggers me and then I feel like I'm back where I started. I should probably delete my social media.
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Laraine, I understand your pain too. I lost my cat, Lily, in late January. I was very sad and in mourning for the first few months, but I talked to her a lot during long walks and I felt her with me (even though she was an indoor cat after I rescued her - but before that she was made to live outside by her former owner). I lost my job in April and no longer felt safe taking long walks in my city neighborhood. I've gotten progressively worse and it's all I can do most days to eat a bit and take a shower. I do communicate with friends but I have seen almost no one in person for months. I know she would want me to be well and thrive and have a good life and I promised her before I let her go that I would honor her memory by fostering homeless animals. But I am not emotionally equipped to do that right now - and I had to stop getting allergy shots due to the pandemic. I need to find a job but I am not sure I can handle work when I can barely take care of myself. I have a therapist and am exploring group therapy too. I need help to snap out of this. Most of my friends nearby are not taking the health risks seriously so I am afraid to go to their homes or have them come to mine. Such a dark, dark time.
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I lost my Rosie a month ago unexpectedly. I sleep with her blankets and talk to her every night before I fall asleep. I know she would not want me to be so sad, but it hurts to much. All of us here have felt this pain and have wondered if we can keep going. It is one foot in front of the other for me every day. I just grieve and keep moving. That's all I can do. 
Brenda Hawley
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