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ImissyouGrindle

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Posts: 26
Reply with quote  #16 
I stayed up all night with my bichon as well seeing him suffer all night like that while my wife didn't let me take him to the emergency vet was the worst thing to happen in my life. I wish I stood up for him but I didn't and turned out my wife didn't even think his life would be in danger and is regretting her decision tremendously as well. We are human and we all make mistakes but some mistakes are permanent and that's what hurts so much. I am so sorry that you have to experience the trauma and the guilt but I hope you find some solace that you're not alone in this struggle.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #17 
Thank you. I miss his warm body on my legs every night. I'm trying not to resent my fiance. It's just hard because I feel he didn't go through what I went through. Seeing our dog basically tortured. I also feel guilty that in my head I didn't know what to do. Drive him through a snowy night to emergency clinic and maybe have him die in the car. My mind was going a mile a second and half the time it was on hysterics. I wish I had someone slap me and tell me to get him in the car. I was so stupid. I miss him and loved him so much. It hurts to see his toys, his blanket, his medicine. I haven't thrown anything away. I won't even let my fiance move the medicine from where we keep it. I don't want to vacuum his hair. I don't want his smell to disappear. I miss running my hands through his mane. I always joked that I never saw the back of samsons head. Because he was always looking at me. He was so devoted and I failed him. I love you samson. I'm so sorry. I miss you more than anything.
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CK1991

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Posts: 516
Reply with quote  #18 
samsonisthebestdog, I’m so sorry for your terrible loss. You are going through a very difficult time. When your beloved pet is sick it’s so hard to think clearly. Please don’t blame yourself. He is at peace now and he knows how much you loved him! Hugs to you!
CK
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #19 
Dear Samson.

I miss you so much it hurts. I can't seem to enjoy the same things I used to now that you're gone. The house is so quiet. Dirk nibbler (your brother) keeps laying on your favorite blanket. He misses you. I'm glad he got to see you pass even though it was so horrible. I still have nightmares of the last night. I am trying to only think of the happy days but that last night with you keeps replaying in my head. Im sorry you had to suffer. I love you so much. I hope you forgive me. Jake misses you too. He cried also. I know we both regret a lot of things. Yelling at you when you took your time going out. Or pulling on the leash when you were slow. I feel so bad. I want you to know that I will never forget you. I will try to do better with your brother. I hope you aren't in pain anymore and are laying in the sun. I miss you samson. I love you so much my big boy.

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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #20 
Dear samson,

I still have nightmares regularly of how you passed. I am grateful it only lasted one day. The rest of the days you were healthy. That's what I keep telling myself. I wish you were still around. I wish I gave you more attention. You loved me the most. I know that. I love you so much. I wish you were still in my arms snuggled next to me. I wish you were whining in the hall for treats. I wish you were pawing at me to pay attention to you. You were so gentle. So sweet. You understood me the most. I wish I could have done better for you. I live with the guilt every day. I am so sorry little guy. You mean everything to me. I was so selfish. I love you so much. I will try to think of you running in the lawns as we walked around the neighborhood. You were so happy then. I love you samson.
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IKeepAskingWhy

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Reply with quote  #21 
Dear Samsonisthebestdog

I read what happened to your beloved Samson. I am so sorry.  My husband is not sensitive, so after 3 weeks of grieving he said I should be over it. I lost my 6 year old Chihuahua-Beagle on Xmas Eve from a "routine" dental cleaning which turned out to be done by Dr. Death.  I understand the guilt you feel. I am having guilt of my own. I regret till this day going to that place. There are a lot of things that were wrong and he did wrong (all in my posts). I am so sorry about your little dog. Having a part Chihuahua hits home for me. I still have his brother, too. It's a great loss. And yours was so sudden and traumatic. I can't imagine how much pain you are in. I am still grieving after 2 months.  I wish I had all the right words to say. My life has been upside down ever since this happened. I'm sorry Samson. Your mom loved you very much and would never want to see you in pain. I hope you can find peace. I am trying to find it myself. It's not easy losing a pet. This is my first that I had to grieve for and I haven't stopped. Samson is at Rainbow Bridge with the rest of our pets. He is not suffering. You were a good mom to him, he knows that.

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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #22 
Thank you. I'm sorry about what happened to your dog. That is so horrible. I know Samson died naturally but he was only 8. It is horrible when they are taken so suddenly. I know samson had a heart problem but he was eating one day and deathly sick in just a few hours. I only wish i could give him the help of euthanization. To ease the pain. My mind just refused to think he couldnt make it. We all have so many regrets. I know i certainly do. Just know they both are not in pain anymore. I know they both want us to be happy.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #23 
Dear Samson,

I keep thinking and crying about you throughout the days. Sometimes multiple times a day. It's been over a month. I miss you so much. I keep remembering the bad times. Like that night when you were in so much pain. Wobbling around the house panting. I was hysterical and crying. I didn't know what to do. Subject you to a winter night car ride for 2 and a half hours or hope you make it through the night. I was so stupid to think you would make it. I should have took you in the car. I was scared. I didn't think. Remembering the times you were wobbling around the house and me calling your name. I don't think you could even hear me. You were in so much pain. But you came to me in the end. You were so loyal. You wanted to be by me. I'm so sorry I kept sobbing and making it worst. I wish I could have been stronger for you. I remember you collapsing and I picked you up and took you to the living room. You were so limp. You seized and suffocated right there. Blood came out of your mouth. It haunts me so much. I wish I did better for you. I kept denying your death and made you suffer those final hours. I'm so sorry baby. I love you so much. You always sat by my feet and depended on me. I love you so much. I wish I could take back my decision. It haunts me every night. You were such an angel. My sweet angel Samson. I want to remember you in the grass sunning. I wish you didn't suffer so much. I love you Samson and I wish I could hold you and put my face in your fur one last time. I miss you little buddy.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #24 
Dear Samson,

I laid on your blanket today. Smelled it so much. I realized at the edge of one of the corners. It smelled like you peed on it. Or perhaps had pee on your paw and tracked it to your blanket. I am ashamed to say I laid there and smelled your pee and cried. You had problems peeing inside. Especially since your Lasix pill made you thirsty and you couldn't hold it. You were also tired a lot and would pee inside on the mats. Sometimes your pee would hit one of your paws and you would smell like a faint hint of pee. It was how you smelled in the last few months especially. I would get angry cleaning up after you. I'm sorry I would get upset. Although I never screamed or yelled at you for it. I would still be visibly upset and I'm sorry you had to witness it. I miss you. I laid down and smelled your blanket and cried. I don't want to wash it. I know it's gross. But it smells like you. I wish you were here. I keep looking at all the videos and pictures in my phone. I wish I took more of you. Dirk nibbler just keeps laying on your blanket. He never liked it because of the texture but I know he does it because he misses you too. I remember playing fetch with both of you in the house. I threw a rope to the door and waited for you boys to bring it back. Dirk nibbler brought back the rope I threw. You didn't have anything to grab. You were always a bit slower than your brother speed wise. So you grabbed something else to bring back. You don't know how hard I was laughing at you bringing back Jakes tennis shoe. It was a size 11 shoe and you are 13 lbs. You were dragging it by the shoelace and looked so proud when you dragged it to me. Tripping over it as well. It was the cutest funniest thing. You always had such a big personality. You cared for everyone. I love you big guy.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #25 
We all miss you. Love you so much Samson. I hope you know that. Your brother loves you too. He was laying on your blanket earlier. I wish I could hold you one last time. Love you sweet boy.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #26 
Love you.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #27 
Dear Samson,

The days are so empty without you. I never realized how much of our time you took. Between taking your meals and medicine 3x a day and taking you out constantly because of your weak bladder. It feels like my life is empty. Your brother only needs to go out like 2x a day. You went out at least 10x a day. I miss you so much. I miss seeing your tail wag for treats. I miss your eyes lighting up for din din. I miss seeing you at the end of my bed laying down with your face facing me. I miss you waiting outside the bathroom for me. Im sorry I didn't notice you getting too tired to do all those things. I am so stupid. You were declining and I didn't even spend more time with you or hold you more. I stubbornly refused that you would leave me early. We walked your brother the other day. He loved it. We are going to go on the route we used to take with you this summer. We're going to call it the Samson route. Walking by the creek just like you love. Then coming back home for a treat like we always did. You would eat yours then go and lick dad's feet as a thank you. You were such a lovable goofball. My big beautiful boy. I love you and miss you more than anything.

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Kenziemc

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Posts: 38
Reply with quote  #28 
I’m so sorry for your loss. I just lost my Samson yesterday. He was 10. He died from congestive heart failure. He started coughing a little bit last week, but just 2 weeks ago he had his check up and had a clean bill of health. I left town earlier this week so I made a vet appointment for when I got back to see if he was coughing from possible bronchitis or if it was his CHF worsening. He was on medications and managing well, and the vet said we didn’t need to start lasix until he coughed. I was prepared for a new medication to be added and he would improve. He was still very active. Ran and chase squirrels all day everyday. While I was out of town, my boyfriend called and said Samson was coughing more and appeared to have a hard time breathing. He took Samson to the hospital for me. The vet said he had fluid overload and was in right and left sided heart failure. They kept him overnight on oxygen and continuous lasix. He didn’t improve. I had to make the decision the next morning (yesterday) to let him go while I was still out of town. My boyfriend was there holding him while he went. My boyfriend lit my lotion on so Samson could smell me and we FaceTimed so he would hear my voice while he went. He was still running and playing the day he went to the hospital. He was such a happy boy. It happened so fast. Reading about your Samson, it reminded me so much of my Samson. I get home tonight. We have another dog and I’m so sad for him too. He adored Samson. We all did. Samson was the light of my life. He was my world. I feel guilty that I wasn’t there holding him and telling him he could go. I feel guilty I was gone all week and didn’t get to love him and tell him what he means to me. I haven’t seen him in 5 days, and I know walking through the doors tonight when I get home will be the worst. I already feel like I’ve forgotten what he felt and smelled like while I’ve been out of town. I feel like I failed as a mom by not being there with him.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 67
Reply with quote  #29 
I know what you mean. I have many regrets as well. I think both our Samsons would want us to remember the good times. Like when my Samson would look up at me with his sweet eyes. I always felt like he was speaking sentences to me. I regret not paying more attention to him. I'm sure you feel the same. The last few weeks. He wasn't sleeping with me and I assumed he just wanted to sleep near his water bowl. Maybe he was not feeling good and I ignored it. He was eating fine until the day of his death. It happened all in one night. The worst hours of my life. I couldn't get help. I didn't know if I should drive him 2 and a half hours to the next town on a cold winter night. It all happened so fast. I refused to think he was dying. And he did die. He died a horrible agonizing death because I was in denial to take him and thought he could wait til morning for our vet. He suffocated. He panted and panted then seized and fell with blood coming out. In my arms. It will haunt me forever. I have learned from it for my other dog and any other pets I may have. Samson didn't deserve that. He deserved to fall asleep in my arms with his family around him. I failed him. My best friend. I am trying to work through it. I tell myself it was one bad night and he had a lot of happy nights.
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Kenziemc

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Posts: 38
Reply with quote  #30 
You’re right, they would want us to remember the good times. My Samson was always so happy. He was my rock. Anytime I felt sad he was always there, curled up in my lap. I always felt at peace when he was by my side. Now my heart is broken and I feel alone. I loved when he would stare up at me and wag his tail. It’s like they’re telling us how much they love us. I might his big brown eyes. I feel guilty that I didn’t do enough. I feel guilty I couldn’t be there. But I also feel angry. I’m so glad my boyfriend was there to hold Sam as he went, but part of me is angry that it was him and not me. I’ve had Sam since he was a puppy. It should’ve been me to tell him it was okay and to give him kisses and hugs. I’m so angry that it wasn’t. I read on another post “one of the worst things about losing you is it happens again every single morning”. So far I’ve onlh had one morning since he has been gone, but I know this will stick with me. My heart sunk this morning when I woke up and realized it wasn’t just an awful nightmare. I just got home from being out of town. This is my first time being home without him here. It hurt to walk up to the door and not see his giant ears and big eyes looking out the window. His pills are still on the bedside table. His tennis balls all throughout the house. I don’t know how I’m going to survive without him
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