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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

I miss you. Goodnight my sweet boy. Love you always and forever. 
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PaintdWlf1
He passed at home in your immediate presence. Better than a cold vets table. The pain will be real but the guilt is misplaced. Did he die so horribly? Sure his body was going through nasty things but you got to be with him for his passing. That is real support. We can only hope someone helps us like that.
PaintdWlf
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Samsonisthebestdog
PaintdWlf1,

Yes, you are right. He did die at home. It's more guilt that I could have made it more comfortable for him to pass. The guilt will always be there I think. As for the pain, it's there but it doesn't pierce my heart as much anymore. It used to be really painful to think of Samson. As time passed, I was able to think of him without crying. Then look at his pictures and videos without feeling sad. It's a process for sure. I do believe he left this world knowing we loved him so much and that is the positive part. Thank you for your support.
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

It was been a crazy month. Not sure what to do except stay at home and watch the news. The news has been very scary lately Samson. You would definitely want to keep us inside. You were such a caring and sensitive dog. It's been a very beautiful week but we haven't been able to go out as much as we'd like. Only walking Dirk Nibbler for a block or so then turning around. He has been kind of cranky about that but we are trying to minimize our contact with any outside neighbors. I can't believe a virus can do so much damage in so little time. My heart breaks for anyone who is going through these tough times. We just have to stay in and do our part in fighting it. We were so worried because Jake's mom came down sick. Fortunately she got tested for Covid-19 and it was negative. She has walking pneumonia only. I never knew how much Jake and I would get so excited for a walking pneumonia diagnosis but here we are. We are running low on groceries with things that we don't seem to have. I ran out of butter, milk, frozen fruit and guess what! I ordered it online for store pickup and they only walked out with some stuff. So, I have yogurt but no frozen fruit. Lots of bread flour, regular flour, but they didn't have sugar or butter.... Lol. I understand they are going through tough situations at the grocery store. I will not judge them at all. I just wish I could have sugar and butter! I've been baking to get my mind off things plus a cinnamon bun never hurts when you are steadily getting more sad everyday watching the news. I wish you were here so I can cuddle and hug you Samson. Kiss your forehead and sniff your paws. You are my beautiful angel. I love you so much. I will try to post more often since I have a lot of time. I don't want you to think I forgot about you. Always and forever SamSam. 
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

Things are serious. I am really stressed but i think things are getting better. Its so hard to tell. The news goes back and forth. First dont buy masks now you NEED masks. All of this is so stressful Samson. Dirk has been keeping me company. Very sweet and comforting. Ive been feeling down. I came down with thrush and the dr thinks its from stress. How does that happen?! I am trying to limit my news intake. The medicine the dr gave me is gone and i still have thrush. So its tough. I have to call again. Hopefully she will give me something stronger. Oh how i miss you so much. Love you to infinity and back. Please look over your brother. Hes been mopey lately. Sweet dreams Samson.
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Diane_M
Dear Samsonisthebestdog,

My beloved dog, Bracken was euthanized on May 17th. He also had a heart murmur.
He was on Vetmedin for about two years, then a week before he died he had a long night of coughing and suffering and it was horrible to watch. I didn't know if I should take him to the emergency clinic or not . . . I was terrified that he would die there, alone, because the clinic was not allowing anyone in due to the pandemic.
Finally, the next morning we had to take him to the emergency room where they diagnosed congestive heart failure. They kept him overnight in an oxygen tent and put him on Lasix and the hydrocodone. It's been two and a half weeks since my Bracken died and I still can't forgive myself for not taking him to the ER the night before, rather than wait until morning. I think, in a crisis like you and I experienced, we just are frozen because it is so scary.

The first and second day I brought him home he was better than he'd been in a year! I was so hopeful, but on the third day he started slowing down again, and coughing. Oh, God, that horrible coughing. That Sunday we decided to have our dear Bracken put to sleep. And now, like you, I am feeling agonizing guilt and pain, and begging my Bracken for forgiveness.

So, you see, no matter what we did or didn't do, we can't win when it comes to the end of our dog's life. You have guilt because you didn't have your dog euthanized, and I have guilt because I did have Bracken euthanized. Sadly, it seems no matter what, when someone we love dies we have guilt and regret, in addition to the very, very painful loss.

I don't know if anything I said helps, but maybe it will to know we are walking the same path right now and you are not alone.

Sincerely,
Diane, Bracken's Mom
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Samsonisthebestdog
Diane,

I'm sorry you had to go through that. That sounds really tough. It does help because thinking of putting Samson down is also saddening. I just didn't want him to feel pain. I couldn't help him that night and I feel stupid thinking of all the stuff I could have done. In the end, what is done is done but I can only learn from it. Bracken and Samson are running in the sun and having fun now. That's how I like to think of them. I hope you are doing well in this trying time. 

Sincerely,
Samson's Mom.
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

There's been days where I can remember things like the smell of your ears, the feel of your paws, and when I pet your back all the way down to your tail. Other days, I feel like I'm losing the memory and smell of you. It makes me upset and I feel like crying about it. But then, what is there to cry about? I'm doing this to myself. It's such a negative circle of terrible feelings. I try to remember how you looked at me. You always had such emotion in your eyes like you were talking to me. Remember when you used to dig at the blankets to find a place to sleep next to me? Sometimes you had to get it exactly right. So much digging that it could go on for 5 minutes before you felt it was perfect. It was so cute. Your back would be like a half circle and then it would go straight because your paws were so furiously digging. You were such a little goober. I miss your face. I love you so much. Dirk is doing great. He's getting older! I've noticed his hair is getting whiter and it makes me feel sad but also happy. Why? Because he's getting to live to old age. Something you should of had Samson. Dirk found a new friend a few weeks ago too! A neighbor moved in and they have a dog! I don't know his or her name yet but the dog is sooo cute. He has little brown eyebrows like you Samson! So you know he's extra expressive! Dirk has been sitting on the couch near the window and looking out at the dog when he's on his leash outside. He goes nuts and barks at the dog excitedly each time! What's sad is that I don't think the dog can hear him because he never looks over. Haha. Poor Dirk is so excited and the dog doesn't even know it! After the dog goes inside, Dirk gets tired and takes a nap in his little bed because he was excited for so long looking at the dog. I feel bad that we don't have another dog to spend time with him. We try to walk him a lot lately. He loves it! He's been barking at people on the walking trail though which is terrible. You always were the calm one. He is a nutter! A loveable nutter but still a nutter. We have been looking at the local humane society for a small dog but so far there's only bigger dogs. It would be hard to have a big dog in our house. Maybe we will though. Send me a sign if you think so Samson! You were always the sensible one! I hope you don't forget about us. You are probably in a better place and have everything you could ever want. I hope in my heart that it is exactly like that. I miss you more than anything. Goodnight my sweet Bubba.
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

I havent forgotten your sweet face. Life is a little tough lately but we are doing it. I miss you so much. Dirk sleeps next to me every night and i know he misses you too. Still on the hunt for a small buddy for him. He misses wrestling with you. We gotta get him another wrestling buddy. He loves all the attention and lap time though. We got him these treats that were made of bone beef broth too. He loved it and gobbled it all up. I know you would have loved them too. I hope you are still the same stubborn caring sweet faced dog wherever you are. Dont change Samson. You are the best dog. Love you so much. I will try to write you more. Dont worry. I never leave you for long my sweet boy.
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