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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

I realized you always went back and forth between me, Jake, and Dirk. We always felt like you were there for us. You have always been so sweet. I love you. Goodnight my little worf. 
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

Its 6am and I haven't slept. Everytime I close my eyes, I see your face. It's hard to fall asleep sometimes with you in my mind. I want to be with you again. Hold you and kiss you. Play with you and watch you run. I miss you and love you so much. Dirk is doing fine. We are all doing good. I wish you were with us. I wish I could smell your paw again. Love you samsam.
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

We walked a bit today with Dirk but it was raining so we couldn't go for more walks. Dirk was very sad about it. I was on the computer and he was cuddled up at my feet. I realized he doesn't really lay on the middle area where I pile a bunch of blankets and pillows for you both. I guess he only laid there because he loved to cuddle with you. You never really liked cuddling with Dirk because you didn't like being hot or feeling enclosed. You were always more independent than Dirk. Such a big boy. Dirk always needs to cuddle up to something warm. So, I realized today that he's cuddled more at my feet than the blankets lately. I moved the pile under my desk like I used to when you guys were younger. He loved it so much! He started to dig and lay down right away. I felt bad that I haven't done it earlier but I moved it when you were diagnosed with heart problems. You wanted more room to lay out but Dirk loves to be enclosed and cuddled. He loves his area a lot more now that he gets to cuddle at my feet. We ran out of dry food too for Dirk and have been feeding him more all wet food the last couple of days. He's been LOVING it! He needs the dry though because it helps with his digestion. He's been getting spoiled the last few days. We found some dehydrated turkey treats for him. He is gobbling it up like crazy. I rub your box of ashes when I am feeling in need of support. It really helps me. It makes me cry to hold it but it's a good cry. Sometimes I ask you to help me get through the day or help me take my mind off my stress. I swear it works! You're always there for me Samson. Even after you're gone. You were so stubborn that I bet you still help us from wherever you are. I love you so much my little sunshine. 
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

Your birthday just passed. It made me really upset to be honest. You were supposed to live a long life. I couldnt help but think of you all week. I was crying a bit. Rethinking of all the times i could have spent more time with you. Its too late for regrets but my stupid brain wont let go. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday wherever you may be. You would have been 9. I couldnt look at your pictures lately. The pain is raw at this time of year. The pain is even making me want to go downward into a depressive spiral. Im trying not to. I tell myself that there are people out there starving, dying, living in a box, abused, etc. I certainly have my problems but it could be a lot worse. It would be a lot better if i could hold you. Dirk has been good and is still the little king of the household. Im sure he misses you so much. Sometimes when hes in my arms and relaxed. I feel like we are both thinking of you. We love you so much. Happy belayed birthday my dear Samson.
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MichelleKinkaid
There are many days I feel about my Rocky the same as you. I'm sorry for your pain and depressed state ... I am in the same place and find myself sad on many days and it's been 4 months since I lost my Rocky. I miss him every day. Rocky and I have the same birthday month (August) and it was so hard for me during August. It was my 60th and I had a difficult time going through the motions while others wanted to "celebrate" with me ... I just did not feel like any celebration ... I was missing my little boy cat, Rocky. We are fortunate to have had these wonderful little guys in our lives but the pain in losing them is completely heartbreaking. How I wish we could still hug our little guys.
xoxo
Michelle Kinkaid
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Samsonisthebestdog
Michelle,

I am so sorry to hear for your cat as well. It sounds as though he was well loved though and thank you as well for the kind words. I also wish we can hug our little friends. They deserve that and so much more!
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

I have been feeling good and feeling better about myself as of late. I think sometimes the depression comes in waves. Maybe I'm at the crest! Or whatever they call it. I haven't been in school in awhile haha. A few days ago I felt bad but I held your box of ashes and it made me feel immensely better. Maybe your spirit was helping me. Whatever it was, I am thankful for it. I hate being in that sad state. Dirk has also been cheering me up. We've been laughing at his antics. He was running around the front yard barking at anything because he hasn't seen anything in a long time. (We live in a small town and not many people walk the streets in winter.) I feel like Dirk was going stir crazy cooped up in the house but it's been freezing out. He was running around with his ears way up barking at the wind and then perking his ears up hoping for a bark back or anything alive to bother him so he can go crazy. It was hilarious. I told Jake that Dirk goes out to do the "Three P's". What is the Three P's you may ask? Poop, Pee, and Posture! He does it every freakin time and it never fails to put a smile on my face. We are obviously trying to train him out of the posturing and being overprotective but man does he try his hardest. You were always the sweet chill dog Samson. Dirk is only chill in the house. Outside the house, he's a crazy nutter. It's like he is on sensory overload and he doesn't know what to do but run around barking and being nuts. What a little character. Just like you Samson. You guys were like ying and yang. My little bubbas. I love you and miss you so much Samson. Hope you're running around with the sun in your face or maybe you're hiding in your favorite bush and munching on a rawhide. My little Worf. 
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

Happy Halloween. Love you forever and always my big boy.
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

I miss you so much. I was cuddling with Dirk and i think he misses you too. Maybe even more than i do which is saying a lot. He followed you everywhere. Like peter pan and his shadow. I love you my best friend. Goodnight.
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SharonsPie
Samsons Mom,
Your story and the stories of others have helped me. I'm sorry for what you went through. But we don't know what will happen or how suddenly things can get worse. We don't have as much knowledge or control over life and death as we think we do.
I wish you strength and comfort.
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Samsonisthebestdog
SharonsPie,

Thank you. Im glad i can help others. Sometimes i forget people are reading this because its almost like a diary to Samson. Also thank you for just saying that sometimes we cant control things. That is true no matter how much we try. I hope Samson can forgive me. I can only hope to learn from my mistakes and hopefully try not to dwell on it. I was watching a vlogger on youtube the other day that said some words that really touched me as well. She said "you are not your pain!" And oh boy did i cry over that thinking of Samson. Its so true too. Samson never would have wanted me to concentrate on a hellish day. He was a bright, sassy, and funny dog. He wouldnt want me in pain. So i try to think of the other days we had. I hope you also have good days to dwell on too. Thank you again.
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

We are moving soon! Not too far but i wish you had a chance to inspect the place. Maybe you wouldnt have liked it though. You hated change. You liked your routine. Although i think your internal clock was broken as you always started whining for dindin (dinner) an hour early. It was so cute. You would stamp you little paws and huff. Oh i miss you so much. I was cooking bacon earlier for BLT sandwiches and Dirk kept licking the floor because the bacon grease would pop onto the floor. He loved it. I walked into the kitchen earlier and turned on the light to get a drink and guess who was in the kitchen in the dark licking the floor!! Haha. He made me giggle and i kissed him and gave him some dehydrated chicken. I miss it when you both would run down the hall together. Or the times when you guys were wrestling on the bed. I miss rubbing the little curl of hair on your puffy chest. I hope you have a nice area in dog heaven or whereever you are. Love you.
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

Its 3:15am. I cant sleep. My throat hurts but the clinic is closed over the weekend and it would cost me a lot more to go to the hospital. I think i need antibiotics for this one. Have to wait til monday to call for an appt. Is it bad that im a big baby when im sick. I felt like crying because money is tight, i am sick, and youre gone. I feel like a failure in my life sometimes. When you were here, i would cuddle you and dirk and say things like "at least we have the boys". Dirk is a daddys boy now. You were a mommys boy. Dirk would let me cuddle but if jake calls him, he is gone. Haha. Not that im jealous. Jake is just the apple of his eye. Just like i was the apple of your eyes. Dirk still comes to me when i call him and sleeps next to me. For a few weeks after your death, i am ashamed to say i was distant to jake and dirk. I was so scared of losing dirk too. I selfishly didnt want to extend any more emotion out to him or jake. It hurt so bad when you died. Especially the way you did. It made me paranoid of losing dirk. Losing jake. Losing my parents. I love them so much. I almost lost myself when you died. What will i do if i start losing more? I was so selfish afterwards. I moped and cried over you not even thinking of how my emotions would effect those with me now. I understand that it is just a part of life and im letting all these precious moments past. We are poor but we are getting through. We dont have a lot of material items but we have each other and our health (save for my throat). With all the corruption and suffering in the world. We have it pretty darn good. Writing to you always helps me think clearer. Dirk helps me a lot too. I cuddle and play with dirk every chance i get. Hes spoiled and loves it. Thank you for the wonderful heavenly years with you Samson. I didnt know it was heaven until you left. You taught me so much. I love you. Goodnight bubba.
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Samsonisthebestdog
Good morning from Dirk Nibbler
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Samsonisthebestdog
Samson,

Guess why im awake? I was trying to sleep. I thought i felt better and didnt call the dr but now i feel worse. Thats what i get for trying to save money. Ive been in bed the better part of the day. Gotta wait for the holidays to be over unless i go to the ER. And who has money for that?! I gotta be close to dying Samson. Besides, the last time i went they said it was a cold and sent me home with nothing but a huge bill. I dont want that to happen again. I was laying in the dark when Dirk came running in with his toy. Mr. Porcupine. I know he misses wrestling with you every night. Even when you were tired, you still gave half hearted attemps to play with him. You were such a good boy Samson. I took a few pics of Dirk playing his favorite game with me which is called "No Take, Only Throw". You can tell he got an attitude with me halfway because i stopped trying to take it. Hes such a pure character. I miss you and i know he does too. We love you. Happy Thanksgiving my big boy. Dirk said its okay, he will eat your portion tomorrow in your stead :). Goodnight my loved one.
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