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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 90
Reply with quote  #1 
My dog Samson had a very bad heart murmur. He had fainting spells. Which we then found out that he had a heart murmur. They rated it from a 1 to 5. He was a 3 when we first found out. They gave us Lasix and enapril. Later in the year, he had coughing fits. They gave us hydrocodone syrup to help him get better rest at night. On 2/7/19, around 8pm at night after dinner. He started coughing. It sounded weird but we brushed it off. He started panting. We tried calling all the vets in town. None were open. There was no emergency vet clinics in my town. I watched him get up and down while panting and wheezing through the night. It was torture. He didn't want to be touched. He was in pain. He walked down the hall into the kitchen. He was so dizzy that he was struggling to make it. I screamed for my fiance to wake up. He freaked out and screamed back. I walked back to the hall to find Samson trying to make his way back to me. Maybe he wanted to be with me. Maybe he heard us yelling upset and came to help calm us down as he always did. He walked past me a little and walked a little past his favorite spot next to where I sit a lot and collapsed seizing. I picked up his body while sobbing and ran to the living room where I put him down and we watched him struggle and die. Blood coming out of his mouth. He died early in the morning on 2/8/19. It was 4am. We watched him suffer for so long hoping he would make it til the vet opens. I feel bad I didn't drive 2 and a half hours to the next town for euthanasia. It haunts me that I let him die that way. You deserved more. I was in denial. Hoping you were going to be fixed once we get you in. I didnt want to believe you were dying. I was so selfish. He was my best friend. My first dog. My love. He died so horrible. My poor friend. I'm so sorry. I love you so much. Please forgive me. I'm sorry samson. I miss you every time I breathe. Has anyone gone through anything similar and understand the pain and guilt? He was only 8 years old. My angel samson.
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Cynthia_H

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Reply with quote  #2 
Dear sampsonisthebestdog

I am so very sorry for your tragic loss of your beloved angel Samson.  Losing our beloved fur babies is so very hard, traumatic, and painful.  

Please believe that Samson will always be with you and is watching over you.  While time will not heal your loss, time does allow some of the sad traumatic memories of the last days to fade.  Time does give you space to remember the whole of his life and the love and joy you shared and to hold these memories in your heart.  

If Samson could speak with you, he would tell you he loves you and thank you for the wonderful life you gave him.  He would ask you not to blame or guilt yourself about anything because you were the perfect parent and he knows that you always did your best for him.  He knows that you cared for him as much or more than you care for yourself.  And while he knows you are heartbroken and in pain now, he asks you to remember how sad your lives would have been had you never met and had your time together.  Samson asks you to grieve for him, remember him, and in time, when you are able to, let your sorrow go freely, and in peace celebrate him and hold him in your heart with joy and love forever.  

My thoughts and prayers are with you, hugs Cynthia.

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partangel

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Reply with quote  #3 
I am sorry you and your fur baby had to endure this! This would have happened to my Goliath, oddly on the same night. That was a very evil day! Maybe our story will help you see that the vets are not always helpful either. My poor boy had been struggling the weekend before. On Monday, he couldn't even greet me in the morning. I laid next to him and began to cry, getting scared I could lose him. But as our minds tend to do, pushed that thought out of my mind! Goliath couldn't leave! He is, after all, the baby of our three. That afternoon he was really struggling again. I laid next to him again and this time noticed a huge mass on one of his legs. I called the vet and rushed him in. They said he had a bacterial infection and sent us home with an antibiotic and a pain med. Said to come back in 2 weeks. He didn't make it another 2 weeks. By that Friday, Goliath was struggling to breathe. He was constantly panting and attempted to get up and get a drink. He just kept moving his feet in front of him, moving his head from side to side. I called the vet and took him back in again. This time they told me he was suffering from Congestive heart failure, liver and kidney damage, was in diabetic stress (never diagnosed as being diabetic!) in respiratory stress, was anemic, and very pale. They rushed him to the oxygen room. Came back in to show me his x-ray, which revealed a very enlarged heart. He was literally being suffocated to death. He would need 24-hour care but probably wouldn't make it through the night. They also didn't provide that and I would have to take him to the next city. But she didn't think he would make it there. I was devastated! I had to make the gut-wrenching decision to put him out of his misery. That is not an easy choice! After getting the euthanasia, we were sent home with his body. I unwrapped him after we got home so my kids could say their goodbyes. This is when I realized Goliath was still breathing. Even after being euthanized, Goliath remained warm and slightly breathing for 10 hours. An emergency vet phone line told us we would have to bring him back in the next morning for another injection! Like right!! I had already been traumatized! Praying maybe by some miracle that he may survive, he passed on his own around 4 a.m. Odd time isn't it? Since this has happened, I have learned that the pain med they gave him may have been the culprit. I hope this isn't the case for your Samson but after reading about the pain med they gave Goliath, I learned its highly controversial with a known side effect of causing death. They are supposed to do lab work prior to prescribing it, which they did not. They are not supposed to prescribe it to any dog who has any known heart issue. My Goliath had a heart murmur, as well. At the very least, they are supposed to hand out a fact sheet that informs of you of all side effects. They only told us that it could cause diarrhea. I don't know if this helps assure you that sometimes we just don't know, we are always thinking our pets are here forever, and that sometimes vets cause more harm than good. I will pray for your pain, as I am grieving myself and completely understand! Life is so unfair sometimes! 
__________________
Missing my baby boy Goliath....A little heartbeat by my feet
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 90
Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you for the kind words. He would have forgiven anyone. Especially if they had food. Bonus for gravy. I'm sorry for Goliath too. I don't know what I would do if I knew he was suffering even after euthanasia. That is also a nightmare and I'm sorry for that. I hope you get justice but also move forward. He would have wanted you to enjoy your days in the sun I'm sure like Samson. He taught me to enjoy each day. He was always the one who trailed behind on walks. Now I know why. He wanted us to stop and smell the flowers. They are part of us and we are lucky to have them for however long.
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CeeCeesMom

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Reply with quote  #5 
Dear Samsonisthebestdog, I'm going through something similar and I understand the pain and guilt.  One of my beloved cats died a month ago in the early morning, with me by her side.  It was a hard death.  The vet had just seen her the day before and was going to be coming back.  Little Cee had kidney disease and was nearing the end of her illness.  But she was still eating, drinking and receiving subcutaneous fluids.  We weren't expecting her to take a turn for the worse so suddenly.  I stayed with her all night so I know that there were times when she suffered and other times when she was sleeping or resting.  Her worst period was between the hours of 4 am and 6 am and then she died.  I was in torment: the guilt, the pain, the tears, the agony - living and reliving those last hours, thinking about what I did right, what I did wrong and all the things I should have done differently.  I can tell you now, that since it's been a month, that each week gets a little bit better.  The biggest help to me has been prayer.  I don't know if you are a person of faith but if you are, really lean on your faith.  It can help.  Talking with sympathetic friends and family members, crying, writing in a journal, reading about grief, talking with a sympathetic vet have all been very helpful.  Good advice I've received has included: look at your beloved animal's entire life and remember all the good times and all the love you had for him, don't make the last day of his life be his entire life.  Also, I was told to write a letter to my cat.  I haven't done that yet but I may try it.  I hope this helps.  
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SugarBooger

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Reply with quote  #6 
Samsonisthebestdog:

I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved companion and the pain that comes with it. Know you are not alone in what you are feeling. There are many of us on here that have similar heart breaking stories of the final days of their babies’ lives. However, while the pain is evident, we all share the good times and memories that we hold so dear. Just as someone wrote me, please hold those close to your heart. While it won’t take away the pain, let those memories comfort you that Samson was loved with all your heart, given a good home and had a great life. Please don’t beat yourself up for being hopeful that he’d be okay til morning to see the vet. I lost our beloved 12 yr old girl Monday 2/11 at 12:30pm due to congestive heart failure. She started coughing more than she had in the past and thought we’d keep an eye on her condition as well, not knowing her heart was going to suddenly fail two days later. All week I kept thinking of the shoulda’ and woulda’ dones. I have been grief stricken and in shock all week. However, now on day 5 I’m trying to focus on the warm memories that bring smiles to our face when my husband and I talk about her - all the things she used to do like- walk behind us and take her time sniffing everything like your Samson, walking on the curb (she was 4.5 lbs), giving me kisses when I was doing yoga in our living room ( I believe she thought I was hurting myself or something so she needed to make it better!), how she’d twirl in circles whenever we said Treats, Walks, or Go Bye-Bye, how she’d back up in her bed backwards as if not to take her eyes off us... and too many more things to list. I hope the fun things you remember of your Samson like those of my sugar remind you how blessed you were to have him while he was here and that he will always be in your heart. God Bless you and stay strong.
-Mari
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Adv2112

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Posts: 96
Reply with quote  #7 
I am so sorry for your loss. :( i know it sounds cliche but over time the wound won't hurt so very badly. It hurts so bad. I lost our 14 year old lab last year in May. I heard him all through the night dying. I was in tears praying God would either heal him or let him pass in peace. I went out to try and find him, he would be quiet when I would walk out and call his name. :( after a couple of times of this i went back inside and just cried and prayed more because I was worried I was just upsetting him. He couldn't walk up the steps to get to me and I got the feeling he was sad he couldn't come to me. Being so dark out, i hated i could not just hold him and pet him until the end :( that haunted me for a long time. Ialso had resentment toward my husband who did not feel like he need euthanasia yet as it was literally only that one day he refused food and wouldnt walk. :( he went downhill that fast and I had a feeling that day when he refused the food he wasnt going to make it long. I too live in a rural area so every clinic was closed.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you for your kind words everyone. I'm also sorry about your pets who have passed. I'm glad Samson only had one bad day. I'm greatful for that. Although I wish we noticed and realized it was worst than we first thought. We were in denial. Sometimes we cling so hard to an idea. We believe it. We won't make the same mistake again. I only hope Samson would forgive me and that he knows I love him. I'm sure the same could be said for others.
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ImissyouGrindle

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Posts: 26
Reply with quote  #9 
My grindle suffered the same way before he finally passed away at around 6:30am. I stayed up with him the entire night. This was just one week ago and I felt so guilty for not checking in with our vet when his condition deteriorated or accepted his water pills when they were prescribed. He had only gotten an ultrasound two days ago and the vet said his chest cavity was clear of liquids for the most part after it was drained just two days before that. I knew he was suffering and in danger but our vet was closed and the emergency vet will have to run all the tests again and can get very expensive. I let him suffer in thinking he can tough it out until our vet opens again but he didn't. He was 13 and his body couldn't take it. I could have done so much more that week to save him from this horrible fate but didn't and I feel tremendously guilty. I miss his so much and I can't help but think that he might have lived longer if I just did something right that week and I didn't.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Reply with quote  #10 
I feel the same way. I knew he was coughing more. He was more tired. I was so selfish to think he could hang on. I cry myself to sleep a lot. I know I can't take that decision back. I have to live with it. How he died. I just keep saying to myself that he only suffered one day. It was a horrible wintery day. One that I will always remember.
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ImissyouGrindle

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Reply with quote  #11 
I feel like because they've been around and well for so long sometimes we just take their health and even life for granted thinking they'll be ok just like before. But a dog's life is so much more fragile than we had imagined. I just picked up his ashes today and couldn't help myself from crying everytime I stop and think. Not only is the guilt overwhelming but the fact that I miss him so much as well thinking of all the good times we had as well as all the times where I got too lazy to take him for a walk or play with him. I've only had him for four years (rescued him when he was 9) but it felt like he's been my best friend my entire life.
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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #12 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ImissyouGrindle
I feel like because they've been around and well for so long sometimes we just take their health and even life for granted thinking they'll be ok just like before. But a dog's life is so much more fragile than we had imagined. I just picked up his ashes today and couldn't help myself from crying everytime I stop and think. Not only is the guilt overwhelming but the fact that I miss him so much as well thinking of all the good times we had as well as all the times where I got too lazy to take him for a walk or play with him. I've only had him for four years (rescued him when he was 9) but it felt like he's been my best friend my entire life.


I'm so sorry. Its so hard. Especially in the beginning. I , too am plagued by guilt because if I had known my cat was going to have such a short life, I would have let him stand up and bite the blankets and make "biscuits " .on it every day.
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Posts: 90
Reply with quote  #13 
Today is especially hard. My fiance aunt died. We are going to her funeral in 10 hours. My dad is sick. He is 70. My Samson is gone. Died in a horrible painful death. It just seems there is so much death and sickness around me. I can't stop crying. I miss Samson so much. My fiance is getting angry at me because I am crying so much. I wish you were here samson. I'm falling apart without you.
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ImissyouGrindle

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Reply with quote  #14 
I'm so sorry about your situation. Grieving can be especially hard if the people around you aren't supportive. You should tell you fiance how you feel. What kind of dog is Samson?
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Samsonisthebestdog

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Reply with quote  #15 
He is telling me to only remember the good times. Which I am trying but I witnessed samsons pain. He didnt. He went to sleep. Samson was a chihuahua/terrier mix. He was the light of my life. My other dog is also crying a lot on samson bedding. It's just been hard.
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