rebeccaann28
Jack Pierre was the love of my life. He had been there and saw me through crisis after crisis - depression, divorce, losing my house, losing jobs, family dying, etc. Everything would be ok as long as I had Jack.

About six months ago he had pancreatitis and was very sick. He was hospitalized overnight but back to his nosey little self in no time. The vet advised me he may have Cushings Disease, so we tested him. The test was positive. There is no cure, but it is treatable. Good news, I thought. We had to get him stable enough to endure treatment with meds. We tried one prescription and he got very sick from it. The vet said lets wait a bit and try something else once he's stable again. He again had a bad reaction to another prescription. I decided I didn't want to put him through that again and would simply treat his symptoms as they come.

Jack would once and a while get diarrhea and dehydrate. I administered a subcutaneous drip of fluids from the vet and gave him diarrhea medicine and he would bounce back right away. I could tell he was happy and felt fine. This happened about three-four times. After the first time, I caught it right away and treated it before he would get ill.

The last three weeks or so, he was doing this really strange thing.. He would go behind a planter on the deck, or stand in a corner inside the house and bark as if he were lost. IT broke my heart. The vet compared it to early stages of senility. Sometimes they get up and walk around and forget where they were going. But I could call his name and he always knew who he was and recognized me. I moved things around so he couldn't get behind them and kept certain doors closed.

Wednesday September 22nd, He threw up a tiny bit of bile twice so I didn't feed him dinner, I didn't want to upset his tummy further. He seemed restless and kept walking around with nowhere to go, he was stuck in the corner a couple of times. I took him to bed with me and closed the door. Early that morning, he cried a little bit. I've never heard him cry EVER.. I laid with him on the floor until I could get a hold of the vet. I had a feeling I was going to have to say goodbye to my beloved Jack. He would cry but then see me there and stop and put his head back down.

My boyfriend took me to the vet. I asked the Dr. to examine him and before I made any rash decisions, let me know what he thought. His breathing was a little labored that morning and the vet said his lungs sounded raspy. His little temperature wouldn't even register on the thermometer. He said his body was shutting down. I lost it. What am I going to do without my Jack Pierre?? I decided to let him go. He went pretty fast. Once I heard the vet say, "he's gone".. a huge part of me died. My heart is broken.

Should I have done something else? See another vet? Tried to give him meds and fluids again? Did I give up on him?????

He's been gone now four and a half days. I keep reliving the euthinasia part. I keep imagining it over and over. I'm getting his ashes back, but am worried they might not really be his. How do we really know?

I keep smelling and holding his bed. I found a nail in the carpet from when I trimmed his nails the other day, I put it in a baggie to keep with the lock of hair I got at the vet's office. I have pictures of him everywhere and can't believe how cute his little face is. I just want to hold him and sing the little song I made up for him.

I keep looking where his bed was to make sure he's really gone. I try to do something to keep busy and then think about him, and realize again he's gone.

If one more person says it gets easier with time or get another dog, I'll scream. I don't just want a dog, I want Jack.. He's my little peanut. I've never loved anyone or anything to this magnatude. 

We have another dog in the house, my boyfriends beagle. I am not at all close to him. He is 16 now. Why does he get to live longer and trouble free? It's not fair. I don't understand.

Mama misses you so much Jack Pierre. Mama loves you. You're my sweetie baby... I long to be with you.
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tikibarb
No dog will ever take Jack's place.  It just isn't possible.  Your pain will ease with time but you will always miss him.  The difference in time is that you can remember without crying, and even have happy memories and bittersweet thoughts without breaking down.  It is a sad fact of life that there are so many people who truly do not understand the true love that is sometimes shared between a human and an animal.  You were one of the lucky ones.  All of us here are the lucky ones.  We were privileged to have known our precious babies in the way that we did.  It is so sad that others do not get it.  Feel comfort knowing that Jack Pierre is no longer sick and suffering in any way.  We grieve because we have a strong need for their love and companionship in our lives.  There is no replacing or getting over that.  There is just moving forward and coping as best we can.  Thankfully, you have found this site and all of us who do truly understand.  Your pain is debilitating.  I remember it well.  I remember thinking that there was no way I would ever feel better.  But, I do though I still have moments of severe sadness.  I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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TootiesGuardian
Rebeccaann28,

I'm so very sorry for the pain you are going through.  I know so well how hard it is to lose a beloved furbaby when they are your heart.  You absolutely did not give up on him.  You tried so hard to keep him well.  You went above and beyond what a lot of people would have done to save their precious furbaby.

Some of the things you wrote gave me goosebumps.  You had the kind of deep love and strong connection that I had with my beloved Tootie.  It has been less than a month since she passed away.  I also hold on to her bed and hold her picture close to my heart.  It gives me some comfort.  I also found one of her nail casings (when cats sharpen their claws the outer casing is shed..just in case you're not a cat person I wanted to explain that) and kept it.  I also took some of her fur from her bed and laminated it as well as rolling some up in scotch tape so I could still feel her.

I feel for you and what you endured during the euthanasia.  I was right there for my girl too.  I held her until she was gone.  When the vet uttered those same words to me, "she's gone" my heart broke in half too. 

It was as if mine and Tootie's hearts were roped together as one.  She was so much like me in so many ways.  She was my cat twin, my mate.  It sounds like you had that kind of beautiful, precious love with your Jack.  My heart goes out to you with so much understanding for you.  Bless you and your beloved Jack.  By the way, peanut was my nickname when I was a kid.  I've never heard anyone else use that nickname since then.  That's so fascinating to me.

Sherry
Tootie ~ Sep. 1, 2000 - Sep. 4, 2010
Shine on you beautiful diamond!
Blueboy ~ Feb. 14, 1989 - Dec. 31, 1993
Always in my heart!
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rebeccaann28
Thank you so much for the encouraging words. I'm so sorry for your losses..It just doesn't seem fair.. Forgive me for being selfish, but I need my baby here, I have so much more love to give...
I can't imagine my pain subsiding, I've never hurt like this. I pray to God I survive this..

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judylinn
rebeccaann. you words were exactly how I felt. I did not think I could survive the loss of Maddie. She was the only family I had ever experienced. I felt like part of me died, and I know I wouldnt have made it without the people here. I have been here every single night since , and it is 8 weeks this wednesday. The loss of our loves is shattering. Maddie was my soul mate, and 8 weeks later, I am so much better, but still grieve every single day for her.  I sleep with her stuffy, I hold and kiss her pictures.
I was very afraid of getting her ashes, but now I find them very comforting. I kiss them goodmorning every morning, and goodnight. I send her love from my heart up to the heavens, all day long.
I cried and cried for her to come back, but that wasn't possible.
So I understand just where you are at, as do others here, who felt that deep deep bond.
There aren't alot of words that can make it much easier, as it is just raw pain. But know that we are here anytime for you, and you can pour your heart out here.
I will keep you in my prayers. Judy



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GrievingGinger
Oh my RebeccaAnn, you most definitely did not give up on him!  You've done a lot to help him prolong his life, and when the time came, you made the right decision to end his suffering.  You acted out of love for him and you made the right choices.  You have to look at the quality of the life you gave him and not focus on his last few days.  You gave him a really good life and a really good home and you can take some comfort from that.  I know the pain hurts right now, but please try not to let it debilitate or alienate you.  It sounds like your family members care but might not know the right words.  They might never have been blessed with the love of a pet and might not fully understand.  Use this site to help you grieve.  There are a lot of caring compassionate and understanding people here who know what you are going through. 


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MagzMom
I am sorry for your loss of Jack Pierre.  Everyone here knows exactly how you feel and went through/are going through the exact same panic stricken grief with holes in their heart where a beautiful fur baby used to be.  It's obvious how much you loved Jack Pierre, you did not give up, you gave the ultimate gift.  A gift we all wrestled with but in our deepest heart know was the right decision.  We put our sweet babies welfare before our own.  Please take one day at a time, you will have good days and bad days, but in the end you know you were blessed to have had him, as all of us have been with our kids.  I wish you peace.
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rebeccaann28

Thank you.. I'm struggling so much. I can't even imagine a pain free day at this point. All I can think about is wanting Jack back. Everyones support means a lot.. I hope to get through this.

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always_tuffy

rebeccann28.

I am so sorry you have lost Jack.  

What Grieiving Ginger has written to you is so true.  You did the right thing for Jack.  Plus he had much much love in his life, because of you.

I'm glad you are seeking support from others who have experienced the same kind of loss.  You will need much support in the days to come and you can find it here 24/7.

What I would like to gently mention, is the guilt you are feeling. We all question everything after we lose our babies.  We beat ourselves up with questions of "if-only".  I ask you please, do not add the unneeded burden of guilt to your tragic loss.

You have cared for him 24/7 for the last 6 months.  With his sudden passing, you are left with a hole in your heart.  Also with a hole in your daily life, because you no longer are able to nurture and care for him.  Everything seems "un-real".

Please don't fill the emptiness with unneeded "guilt".  Use this time instead to grieve for Jack who was a significant, constant part of your life.  Of unconditional love, acceptance and joy.  This is the time to recall Jack Pierre and all the love you two shared.

Jack Pierre is the love of your life.  It is so normal to "just want him back".

I hope friends and family will acknowledge that you are grieving a significant part of your life. You deserve nurturing and self care. I hope you have it.

With sympathy and prayers, 

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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rebeccaann28

I saw the vet yesterday.. I asked him, are you sure I made the right decision? Did I give up too soon? He said absolutely not. IT was the right decision. I'm just struggling with it. I don't want Jack to ever think I gave up on him.

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always_tuffy
i'm glad you talked to the vet.  i hope it gave you closure and reassurance that you did the right thing.  Jack knows you did not give up on him, he knows you gave him comfort, and he knows how much love it took for you to let him go on, while you staye behind.

My love to you and Jack Pierre.  I really do know how it feels to be parted and my heart goes out to you.


Peace and Comfort To You.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal;
Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

Tuffy, My Puppy Love
June 20, 2005-July 26, 2010

Becky Leigh, Queen of my Heart
December 2010-November 10, 2015
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Lisasjf
your story is so much like mine. Halfie was so sick, One morning she was on my bed just another lazy Saturday morning in my house when i noticed she was breathing heavy. I called the vet immediately when they told me to bring her in. that day they told me she had Mitral valve disease and an enlarged heart. They told me they needed to do some ex-rays for verification, That it would take about 20 minutes or so. I knew what they were talking about and i was almost immediately in shock I called my husband from out in the parking lot. He was working that day and told me to call him back as soon as I knew anything else. Making a long story short we had her for another three months, She went through two more bouts of the heavy breathing and each time we took her to the vet the bill was about $2500.00 for the oxygen tank, medication and the overnight stay. After the third time my husband turned to me and said we cant keep doing this. It's just to much money . I still hold this guilt probably always will. But I think about the last day I had her and a look she gave me from the back yard.  I had gotten into the habit of going into the yard with her to play ball. The reason being she always seemed to have her episodes in the mornings, I wanted to get her blood moving and get her breathing better. But this last day was different. She only ran after the ball twice. and didn't even bring it back to me. I figured just to let it be that i didn't want to push her either. When i went up the stairs to the back door and turned around to call Halfie in, she was sitting about 10 feet from the back door and looking at me like she couldn't take another step. She just had this look on her face like Mommy I'm just so tired. She was telling me that morning it was time for her to go. Halfie was always so excitable and so full of energy she used to make me tired just watching her. The personality of my dog just wasn't there anymore.  It all comes down to quality of life. I think when an animal stops being who they are, just like people, it's just not fair to keep them going on. They can't enjoy things anymore so why keep prolonging their life? Halfie used to love playing catch with me. It was one of her favorite things in life! We all become selfish in the end, It's a human flaw. We become better people when we see something or someone we love so deeply, we see how their not enjoying the same things they used to and if the disease in incurable like Halfies was to just let them go. Put yourself in Jack Pierre's shoes. Was he his old happy self in the end? Would you have enjoyed being so confused you'd just go behind a door or into a corner and bark for no apparent reason? If not than you did the right thing? don't feel guilty for doing the right thing. I know how bad you miss him. But you were being unselfish in letting him leave his discomfort and confusion. That only makes for a stronger better person in the end. And by the way I don't think Jack Pierre would like to know that you'll never love another animal again. He's the one that taught you to love that much don't you think he'd want you to share what he taught you?
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judylinn
It takes courage and love to release your baby from the pain. What you did for Jack, was the most loving things that you could. I had to make the same descion for Maddie. On her final day, she walked into the vet with a stuffy in her mouth and greeting everyone, but I knew she was in deep pain, and couldnt take pain killers. Now that the vet has told you that, I hope you can rest easier about the descion. Jack would say "thank You, for not letting me suffer.
my prayers are with you. Judy
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Baus
So sorry for your loss, it sounds like your Jack was loved to no ends.  Two weeks ago I was faced with the same decision and I too second guessed "did I do enough?". I feel now that the descison we made was the best and would have been more devistaed to see my baby suffer, when there was indeed nothing else to do for him. Do we make these choices for our selves or for them.... it's tough.
You loved your sweetie and he knew that.  I know it's hard, but it does get better, small steps....  my thoughts are with you.

Karen & Derek

--------------------------------------------
Bailey "Mr. Boo Baus" - July 28th 1998 - Sept 16th 2010
"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."
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ladybugsmom
rebeccaann28

I am so sorry about your baby. I to recently...  Well 132 days ago had to let my little LadyBug go. She was 15 but she was my everything. We also had her cremated and her cremains have a certificate that states that it is LadyBug, I have her in an Urn on a shelf, and a necklace around my neck. I take her everywhere I go.
I have heard that it get easier with time but not for me not yet at least. I still cry everyday and talk to her when i am alone.  I deal with this guilt that maybe there was something more I could of done and I had always promised her she would go naturally at home. I feel like I let her down when I should of been stronger for her. She was my rock and had helped me through many many of hard times. She never turned her back on me as I feel i did to her. So I really do understand how you feel, the guilt the pain the part of your heart that feels like it is missing. the only thing that gets me by is knowing that I will someday see her again.
I pray that your pain will ease some soon.
Hugs to you
Ladybugs mom
Lady Bug

Monday October 24th 1994 - Sunday May 23rd 2010

I light this candle for Lady Bug, Cassy and and ALL the babies that have crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.



Visit Lady Bug at http://www.immortalpets.com/Lady_Bug_Stalter/About.aspx

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

Hugs to all
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