ana06
Hello everyone
My name is Ana. I lost my baby on Saturday 10/5/13. This has been the worse days of my life. Daphne was 11 years old. Her birthday just past on June 28th. Daphne was a sweet little Maltese. She was my first pet. I got so attach to her from the day I brought her home when she was only 3mt old. Everyone knows how much Daphne meant to me. She use to sleep with me, watch tv and do everything with me. Daphne had back surgurgy when she was little(disk) then 1 knee(patella). She use to be on predisone a lot and then 4 yrs ago she developed cushing disease. I had to put her on medication since then which she was doing good. She was also on special foods. It was very expensive for 4 years but it did not matter to me because I knew she was better and she was my world. Two to 3 weeks ago I notice her acting different. She was following me more around, wanted to be around me more then usual. I would come home and she would lay down next to me and sleep and be cuddle up with me. She wasnt eating as normal. She was losing some weight and I felt her lighter and her bones felt more. She would stare at me a lot and she looked sad. Few times she made sounds like something was bothering her. It lasted about 2 weeks but she still was active somewhat and somedays. I took her for a second opinion out east at my brothers vet. I brought all her medical records and I told him she was not well. He asked me many questions. He was concern that she was on a high dose of the medication of cushings but that it was okay because he called the company to confirm the dose for her weight and they said it was not so high. He saw from the blood results I had taken that she had elevated BUN and Creatine Levels. He said if it was ok to check her kidneys since they were not tested. I said yes and he tested other things also. After 25minutes he came back to tell me that her kidneys were failing. Her condiotion was not going to get better or was reversable. He told me that I would have to bring her back on Monday and leave her there for 2 days and he would give her intravenous fluids like a form of dialysis or something like that and then I would have to give her fluids under her skin for her kidneys for 2 to 3 months and maybe it would work or not and no guarantee and the expense of the injection and then special foods and supplements and on top her cushing condition. He said that Daphne may have even bite me because some dogs dont like to get shots everyday. He said that I would have to me mentally prepare for that and also to be prepare incase treatment does not work that she would pass or go into something worse at home. I flipped out and went insane. I knew that I couldnt go through that emotionally and worse to inject her everyday and I work full time and not knowing what would happen if i was not home. He said her levels were 3 to 4 times abnormal. I had to make the decesion there or bring her home and then bring her back to put her to sleep. I couldnt see the thought to bring her home and have her sufferr and then go back so I told him to put her in peace. They did what they did in front of me. I held her while they tranquiler her and I went crazy then the final moment and I didnt realize that when she pass away she pass away with her eyes open and her little pink tongue sticking out and the vision of that day has tramatize me!!! I try closing her eyes but I couldnt. I cry and cry and cry adn spoke to her for about 1hr after that. I could not let her go. I feel guilty because I am not sure if I did the right thing. The vet told me that I did the right thing and that at least my baby did not suffer like some pets do. He said that sometimes people hold on to them longer because they cant let go of there pets. Even though he said that I still feel guilty. I cry and hate when night comes. I sleep with a stuff animal to pretend its her. Tommorow 10/9/13 I will say my last goodbye and view her cremation and wait for her ashes and bring her home. I ordered a white teddy bear keepsake urn to put all her ashes and sleep with her and take her everywhere with me. I am devastated and cannot live this way!!! I feel like I am dying myself in this agony!!!!! I do not know how to continue living without my baby Daphne. I am so sorry I wrote this long post but I needed to let out my feelings. I want to wish you all peace and strength for also the lost of your fur baby. I feel so lonely and lost. Have lost joy in life and doing anything. House is so quiet and all I do is cry and cry!!!!!!

Ana(Daphne mommy)

Quote 0 0
Mistysmama
Oh ana, I am so sorry.

There are no words to describe this pain, I know.
My opinion is you did the most sensible and kindest thing for her. She was already starting to suffer, and wasn't thriving any more. She knew that, but was hanging on for you. They do that for us, as long as they can, even though they feel rotten.
Kidney failure is a dreadful thing to go through. Their whole system gets full of toxins, and they can't eat because they are so nauseous. You spared her the final pain of this terrible condition. She would not have wanted to go through it.

I am sorry we just got cut off, when I was chatting with you.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow, and send prayers for you.

Sweet little Daphne. She is now free from that pain and suffering, thanks to you.

It is true, they live on. And it is true that they feel relief when they leave their bodies. And they are safe in Spirit, and remember the love they shared with those they loved. Those things are all true. My Misty showed me that.

You will be re-united with your sweet girl. Until then, hold love for her in your heart. One day you may sense a visit from her. I do hope so.

Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
Quote 0 0
ana06
Hi Mistymama
I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for chatting with me and for replying to my forum. I thank you for those comforting words. I really needed to hear that I did the right thing. After we got disconnected, I broke down and scream for my baby. I also remember some things you said in the chat that made me stronger. Thank you again. I really hope for the day that I get to sense her near me. I think that day or night will be the moment of relief that I know she is with me. I also pray for you and will keep you always in my prayers and please feel free to email me anytime you feel like you need someone to talk to. I know that it must be hard for you as well as all of us that are going through this lost. Remember this pain is only temporary. One day we wont feel this pain anymore. For the meantime no matter how hard it can get at times, we must think of all the positive and loving great memories we had with our fur babies. They are watching over us and we also have to take care of ourselves even though it is hard. Misty will always be with you and will always continue to show you love. They may not be with us physically but spiritually they are! May God comfort all of us!

Ana
Quote 0 0
Mistysmama
Dear Ana,
Right now you are in real pain. Don't try to be 'too strong' right now. Let out the pain. Scream, cry, let it out and try not to be afraid of how you feel. The feelings are scary, and it feels like you're drowning, but surrender to it.
I know it doesn't help to say that grief is natural, but of course it is. We have loved them and still love them so much and now they have 'disappeared' and we also have memories of their last illness, etc. So we are in great pain.

We all know and understand here. When things get too much, you can come here. There will always be someone who understands, that's for sure.
This forum gave me so much to hold on to when my Misty passed. Before she visited me, before I knew she was OK. I had nowhere to turn. But coming here was some comfort.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
Quote 0 0
gayle
Hi Ana,
I am very sad to hear of the loss of your sweet girl Daphne and of the pain you are going through. You have come to the right place to express your feelings. Everyone here understands, most have been where you are now. It's been 3 weeks that I put my 13 yr old Boston Terrier Spreewell down. He was my best friend, companion, soul mate and much much more. I struggled to let him go, but realized it was the right thing to do for HIM. The hardest decision of my life. The day it happened I didn't know how I could go on. The pain isn't as raw, but I still shed tears for him on a daily basis. Some days are worse than others. I have to believe that their spirits DO live on, they are right with us, forever by our sides. That's what helps get me through. Just know you did the right thing out of pure love, she knows that, and she loves you even more for that. I wish you peace and healing, but embrace even the grief that you are going through, her memory is still so alive and vivid in your mind, it's where you are suppose to be.
Love and hugs,
Gayle
gayle zigmund
Quote 0 0
ana06
Hello Gayle
Thank you so much for responding to my post. I am so sorry for your lost also.
May God give u strength and comfort to be stronger and always remember the great
Memories with your baby. Yes this is so hard for me. I just broke down. I walk around with
A snoopy stuff animal and daphne blanket to give me comfort.
It may sound crazy but I feel comfort holding it because Daphne and I always were together
And at night I sleep hugging it although I hardly sleep. I hope this pain gets easier
As time goes by. It feels like it will never happen. I know its fresh what happen
But I feel so lost. I appreciate your support and I am so happy that this website was created.
I don't know what I would have done if this website did not exist.
I pray for all here at this forum for strength and may God help us all.
Quote 0 0
Lety
I am so sorry Ana, I know how you feel, we all know just how you feel, been there, for me it's been two weeks, I still think about it like it was just yesterday, I miss my little Boy so much! the house is so empty without him, everything reminds me of him, I am slowly getting better, did a lot of crying, refused to eat or shower, all I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry!! mourn as much as you want, it is good/ helps to let it all out, I am going to keep you in my thoughts and prayers, God is going to slowly but surely heal you, know that you did the right thing, your baby is now in a happy place, and she is wanting to see her Mommy happy!

I hope you can find peace and comfort in this forum, we all understand how each and everyone of us feel.



Baby is been two weeks and two days, Mommy misses you lots, keep waiting for me my love, we will see each other again one sweet day!

~Nacho's Mommy~
Lety
Quote 0 0
ana06
Hello
Thank you so much for your comforting words. I am
Sorry for your lost. May God also give u the strength
To help you each and every day. I will keep you in my
Prayers. It's so hard. I am so happy I got to learn from
This website. Knowing that there are so many people that
Love there pets and are also looking for comfort. I do cry so
Much. I also feel like doing nothing. Tomorrow will be my first day
Back to work since what happen on Saturday. I feel so lost and
And feel like my heart got ripped out of my body! I hope to see
My baby Daphne one day. Please be strong as well. May God help us all.
Quote 0 0
LUCA
Hello Ana -

I also lost my baby last Saturday October 15. He was only 14 months old and we assumed it was FIP (Feline Infectious Peritonotis) the illness which took him away.

Regardless if it was FIP or not - His Kidneys were so enlarged and in such a bad shape that i needed to adinistered sub cutaneous fluids everyday, he wa also taken antibioticis and prednisolone. Unfortunatley nothing relly worked... We lost our battle.

While it is the more difficult decision to make .... Allowing them to pass in a peaceful, control manner is the most humane thing to do. You made the right decision....

Since Luca's passing - have been crying so much and nothing/no one can console me. The only comfort i have is that I did what I could and during the 25 days Luca was ill - did what fhe Veterinarias asked me to do without having him hospitalized. He has his own Private Nurse... His Mommy.

Me too - fell lonely and sometimes gullty. If I knew I was going to losing so quickly - probably wouldn't have wasted so much time going to see differente Vets in our efforts t find out what was the illness affecting him.

I would stayed at home holding him and kissing constantly....

At the end - it was a combination of kidney failure, liver failure and dissaminated intravascular coagulation (internal bleeding) plus a combination of neurological symptoms... All of these pretty common in cats affected with FIP.

I feel your pain ....

Maria (Luca' Mom)
Maria ---- Luca' Mom
Quote 0 0
BubbaRaysmom
Ana, I am so so sorry for your loss of your sweet Daphne. I know how much it hurts. I lost my precious boy 3 weeks ago and my heart has been aching in pain. All I can say is that even though it doesn't seem like it now, it WILL get better, I can promise you that. The pain hurts so deeply at first. I thought I can't live like this but as the weeks have passed the pain is still there but it is not so intense and overwhelming. We all feel guilty at first that is normal but please know that your Daphne knew you loved her so very much and you did do the right thing, as tough as it seems. You are not alone in your feelings. I'm so glad you found this site and all these wonderful people. This place has helped me a lot  and I hope you can find some comfort here. My thoughts are with you and so is your beloved Daphne in your heart and memories. May you find peace.....
Quote 0 0
ana06
Hello everyone
I want to thank you all who have been responding to my
Post. I appreciate your words of comfort. I am so sorry for all your losses
As well. May we all continue to support each other to help us heal.
Yesterday was Daphne cremation. I went there to view it. I wanted to say my last goodbye. I saw her
And kiss her so much and spoke to her and I cried like a baby!! I scream and had to take a Xanax before.
It was important for me to see her and make sure my baby was being taking care of
And I also was able to bring her home same day. I ordered a teddy bear personalize with her name
And it's a keepsake urn in the back of the teddy near zipper. I will put her ashes there and sleep with it forever and have her with me forever. I think this is the way I will get comfort to know she
Is with me. I am so lost! Daphne was my first pet and I have always loved animals and always
Loving person and I think the love for her is forever. I hope I get stronger.
I having a hard time coping and today was my first day that I am going to work.
I have watery eyes. May God give u all the strength and comfort. I pray for all of you.

Ana
Quote 0 0
ana06
Hello Everyone
I am feeling so overwhelm. A few days ago I recieved Daphne keepsake urn that is a white teddy bear. I out her ashes in the back zipper of the teddy bear and the sweater is personalize and it reads "Together Forever Daphne". I have to say that it is adorbale white like her but it is emotional. I had to have something that comforts me and that I can sleep with and have everywhere around the house. When I am in the living room, I sit in the sofa where she use to be right next to me. I hope I am not losing my mind. Yesterday something weird happen to me. My husband wanted to take me out to have some coffee. I panic since it was around 8PM. My son came over with his friend and they wanted to join us also. I was crying. I had an anxiety attack and had to take the teddy bear with me!! I know it may sound weird or crazy but I took it with me. Some people were staring at me like I was crazy but I felt comfort to have her near me. I hope I am not starting to lose my mind. I am having anxiety and there are moments that I just feel extremely overwhelm!! Today I felt lonely since my husband had to work. I notice that when I am alone is when I get more depress and sad. I miss my baby so much!!! I feel in agony!! My heart is in pain. I have no joy. I appreciate for all those that have reply to my post. I feel out of it.
Quote 0 0