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jarvisfurmom
You did right by him and I believe even your baby knows that. You have cared for him and loved him for the past years unconditionally and we sure as hell knows that it's what was running across his mind on his last breath. I'm so sorry for your loss.
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ChantillyCat
@ grievingmama, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your story touched me and my heart aches for you. I lost my precious soul cat 22 days ago and the pain is unbearable at times. From your post, it is abundantly clear that you gave your entire heart and all your love to your dog all the way up until the very end. I think one of the most difficult parts of grief is the second guessing, the guilt, the regret and all the what-ifs. It is for me anyway. I keep replaying my kitty's final days, weeks, months wondering if I had done things differently, would she still be here? Should I have done different tests? Tried different medications? Seen a specialist sooner? Questioned the doctors more? Despite my desperate attempts to save her, I couldn't. In the end, it became an emergency situation and we had to make the hardest decision of our lives - to let her go. It wasn't the death I wanted for her. She didn't get to die at home, at peace, in her favorite place with us. For so many reasons, I can't help but think I failed her - in her life - and in her death. I don't have any answers and the pain, the guilt, the regret, the sorrow, all of it, keeps me up at night. I know I loved her as hard as I could, and I have found a bit of solace knowing that her body is now at peace. I pray you find some comfort in the fact that your boy was able to die at home with you in your arms encompassed by your endless love. I hope one day you can find peace. Please know that I share your pain. You are not alone. Sending you love and light <3
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grievingmama

Thank you, everyone, who has taken the time from their own grieving to read my story and comment here. I appreciate all your words of support and understanding. I come back to this forum daily and reread all your words, they help me get through the days. I've been meaning to reply to each one of your directly, to say a personal thank you as well as to give my condolences on your own losses. This week has been very difficult and words have escaped me.

Today marks week #7 without my boy and I still struggle, so much, with all the stages of grief. My grief and guilt was triggered earlier this week with the loss of a close family members dog, his second this year and now the 3rd in our close circle. The dog passed naturally at home Monday morning due to kidney failure, he was only diagnosed the week before. He and his owner had a very special bond, so much so that his owner instinctively knew it was "that moment" with just a look. My heart breaks for this loss now too. It also has me running circles in my mind again about the end of life decision making for my own boy. We all wish that our dogs would pass away naturally and peacefully at home in their sleep....I wanted that for my own baby, but I didn't wait out the natural part, I took the role of god...that still bothers me a lot, even if I know logically that the alternative was full of risk and suffering...

#lost&hurting 

 

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P_Mom
Grievingmama, first I'm sorry to learn of the other close losses in your family.  I'm sure it triggers many emotions.  Of course you know we all second (and third, forth, etc) guess, but remember - you knew your boy best - better than anyone on earth - better than the Dr who went to school for 8 yrs.  You knew in your heart what was best and played God for his own good.  We are fortunate to have that option as most of the time most people sadly don't have the better experience your family member did.  Often the waiting equates to suffering or an emergency situation as you mentioned.  

You were a great mom to your baby and maybe you didn't get the look we all hope for, but you got the feeling in your gut and the tug in your heart.  I've read many, if not all, of your posts and trust me you did right by your boy and he knows this. ❤❤️

I'll be thinking of you XO 
Jennifer
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