Kilinoe7
Aloha, first of all, my heart goes out to all you other pet lovers. There’s absolutely nothing like the love for our pets and only we understand it.

Just 3 days ago, my husband and I had to put our baby girl (doggy) Hina to sleep. She was 14 years old. While I’ve been told over and over that that’s old for a dog, I had no expectation for her sudden decline in health. One day her legs just stopped working. Along with that she became unable to use the bathroom.

7 months ago, I gave birth to my first child. My husband and I did our best to continue to love on our dog so that she wouldn’t feel forgotten or left out. From the time I found out I was pregnant, I would tell Hina how much I loved her and I would explain what was about to happen-that she was about to have a brother, but she would always be my first born, etc.

She got very weird after my son’s birth. There wasn’t a close loving relationship like I had hoped for. I could tell she was protective of him, but I feel like it was after his birth that she suddenly just started to get really old. She wasn’t the same dog she had been all the years before.

It was hard to show her love and make sure she was included becaus she excluded herself. She didn’t like for us to pet her anymore. She would often lay very far away. She became skiddish. Sometimes she’d kiss my son’s and be curious of him and she’d let us pet her, etc but those times werent often. But we continued to do what we could with her in whatever way that she would let us.

A few months before her passing, she began losing a lot of weight. Her hair started to get wiry and stopped growing back in some places. She seemed to slow down a lot more. But still, I just thought she was aging. I still didn’t see that as the end approaching. And then that was it. Her legs gave out and we had to decide whether to keep her alive for our own comfort or let her go.

I can’t shake the feeling that she left us because I couldn’t manage to love her the same. I became short tempered with her during the months after my son’s birth. I was often tired and already pushed to my limits with the strains of raising a child, and then her new strange stand offish habits just added to it. I spoke angrily to her more often than I’d like to admit. I would still try to show her love all the time but she just wouldn’t have it.

I’m wrought with guilt over it. I apologized to her over and over before the end. People have told me that dogs don’t hold grudges and that she still loves me unconditionally. But even still, that leaves me to wonder, if she loved me so much, maybe she left because she felt she was a burden. Maybe it seemed like I couldn’t handle caring for both a baby and her....

Idk. It sucks.
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camunki
I am so sorry for the loss of your Hina, yet congrats on the birth of your baby boy.

Has Hina been to the vet recently in the past few months? seems like something sudden came on with her, it may have been cancer or an illness that just took over her body in the past couple of months and maybe that was a reason she was acting different at the time of your sons birth. Sometimes dogs know when they don;t feel good or know they are dying, they tend to go off by themselves and their thinking changes.

Please do not feel guilty, i can remember alot of times when i yelled at my Munki, she was almost 14 y/o when she crossed that bridge back in Dec 2015, and she kept walking in circles, bumping into things (she was mostly blind so i cannot get mad at her for that)  but she did it so much that one time i grabbed her and yelled at her to sit still, and i feel awful for doing that (yelling). I think "at the time" of each incident we do things for a reason, and yes, in hindsite we reget it.

It is true, dogs do not hold grudges, they do not worry about anything, they live in the moment. And yes, even though your Hina may have seemed "off", she did love you, just things were changing in her body. 

You have to remember all the good times you had with her and her love. With her health seem to be declining in the past few months, who know what it could have been for her "end of life", maybe she was just older, maybe she did have an illness that you did not know about. I lost my Jemma also back in Oct 21 2016 and her back legs gave out, she stopped eating and that "illness" took her life after 5 days. She was also considered "older" being a Rotti at 11 years and 5 months, when their average life expectancy is only 8 to 10 years.

My heart goes out to you at this time, keep your Hina's memory / legacy living on, make some picture frames, talk to your girl out loud, i do this all the time, and know she is on a new journey now, with no pain, always being your guardian angel.....til you meet again.

Cam


 
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Kilinoe7
Thanks so much for your reply. I had never really considered the possibility that she may have died for any other reasons besides me being a bad mom. You’ve brought much comfort to my heart.💜
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catiebee
Oh my. I'm so sorry you're experiencing the added burden of guilt. Loss and grief is hard enough already without that. I'm so sorry for your loss of Hina.

Like Cam, I really suspect an illness took her life. She certainly could have been jealous of the baby and struggling to find where she fit in the new order of things, but that didn't make her hair fall out and cause her weight loss. If it was something affecting her central nervous system, her thinking could have been affected. I'm not a vet, so I won't make guesses. 

I hope you will feel better as days go by. The grief is slow to heal, unfortunately, but I've found it's helped to connect with others who understand here. Wishing you much comfort and peace.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Kilinoe7
Thank you @catiebee and camunki Your words truly bring me a peace during a time when I feel there is none to be found.
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