Yesterday (Nov 23rd) I had to put down my lovely dog Skye. She was 17. She could no longer stand up from lying and had to be helped up.

When she was up though she was fine - just tired. My vet said we need to do this now before she messes herself too much and lays in it because she can't move. I was unprepared having only 15 mins with her.

I know it has only been a day and grief is a long process to accept, but I can't stop crying through guilt. I have never felt so guilty in all my life and the house is empty without her.

I think she knew what was happening because she clung to me and wouldn't stop kissing me. She liked to tuck her head under mine and cuddle and she did that shaking. It was horrible to see her scared.

I guess I'm writing this as a way to cope and air my guilt to hopefully accept things. I feel it was too soon though - I wanted more time. Time to cuddle and say goodbye but the vet was worried I wouldn't bring her back and be in total denial.

Skye was my second dog. Both her and my previous one lived together for a while (Candy got to 16 1/2) but at least I had Skye to comfort me after Candy went.

I feel like I never want another pet after all this because the pain is too much - which just makes me feel hateful and nasty.

I couldn't bury Skye because I don't have a garden and I couldn't afford to have an individual cremation done so all I could afford is a basic cremation where the vets send off all dogs died that day to be cremated en mass which makes me feel even worse because I could afford at the time to have Candy individually cremated. I still have her ashes. Skye will instead be chucked into a fire with lots of other dogs - an horrific image I can't shake.

Guilt is such a pain!
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I am so sorry for your loss of your fur baby of 17 years it is soo hard my boy sam of 11 years passed on sunday just know you did the right thing and now she is running in rainbow bridge with no more pain playing with candy

Hugs and prayers
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healing vibes to you.  don't try to do too much and be kind to yourself. 
I know what it is like to succumb to the pressure of the vet.  In my case though, they wouldn't let my kitty go, even though she experienced intermittent pain.  They let it go on for years, and hate myself I couldn't better advocate for her. Then on the other hand, I didn't get her ashes so when they brought it up when I said goodbye to her brother I just said no, because I didn't get hers and that would be strange. Then they mentioned the en mass thing, and didn't have time to process and afterward wished I had done it.   I also had already decided on how to keep them with me. see pics.

You'll read many posts. The truth is there is no escaping the guilt.   There is never enough time and the time you would have spent with her would have been excruciating and she would have picked up on it.   Your love/care was far more prevalent in her life, than any other moment you had together. Give all memories a place in your grieving not just the last few moments.   Most posts will confirm a little soon, is preferable to a day too late.   If it's tougher on us, it was probably easier on them.   

Wow 17 is so long for a dog.  If we are lucky enough to be 80, that's a significant % of our lives. My kitties were almost 16 and 17 1/2.  I do my best to remember they had a mostly spoiled and fulfilling life, though I will probably never feel I did right by them, I think that is a common parenting thing. 

Long before they passed, I knew I woudn't be getting any more for a long time and now struggle with compensating for the unconditional love and sense of importance. I started to donate to the ASPCA.   Even if I could get more the thought of it is too painful and the commitment seems too much. It is very reasonable to feel the way you do right now.  Take Care.


stuffed loves.jpg
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I am so so terribly sorry for your pain.  The heart-wrenching guilt can be consuming.  Please keep talking to us.  We're here for you, we understand the pain of loss. 

When you feel up to it, I'd love to see a picture of your Skye and hear what she's like.  In time, I think this will bring some peace to your heart.

Much love to you,

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