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MegP

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #1 
When does the guilt end? Will I ever stop questioning my decision? I’m scared I made the wrong choice. At the time I was scared that I would regret not trying the procedure but trusted that bc I was anxious that others judgment was better. I’m scared I should have trusted my gut. I trust my husband and mother that they thought it was best but they also trusted me to make the final call. I keep going through anxious panic bc I can’t undo it. I’m scared I ended my cats life too early bc they thought it best. Who gambled w life? Why is it ok to do so? I’m afraid I’m never going to have peace abt this.
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Ceceliadempsey3

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Reply with quote  #2 
MegP.
I’m not sure when the guilt will stop. Try not to be hard on yourself. It’s never an easy decision. I try not to struggle with my guilt. I say over over to myself I gave him a great life he was a rescue 3xs over Full of life, stubborn, funny and I can go on and on. In the end he was not the same dog. He looked so darn good and in great shape, but his seizures took the life out of him. So when I look at all my videos and compared to the ones from the last six months. I knew it was time. I still struggle with guilt. Though I think I can come to terms with that, however I’m just finding it so difficult to live my life with out him
Sorry for going on - Thatcher was my first and only pet I hope you will soon find some peace . ❤️
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MegP

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you, at least we are not alone. This was my one of my first two pets, I got two cats when I moved out. The first one I’ve fully bonded with, been responsible for and watched die. Grew up w cats and dogs my whole life but never connected like I did w this one. His death in any situation would leave me heartbroken but this decision has been horrific and traumatizing. I’m also learning just how well they hide pain from us. Thanks for sharing, I wish you peace and glad you’re focusing on his life. I know I will get there, I just really have to make my mind up abt how I’m gonna “write the story” of what happened. I wish I had more info in making the decision...I wish I wish I wish
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #4 

Hi Meg,

Many of us feel the exact same way. I regret making that final, fatal decision to end the life of my best friend and only family. My heart and mind is completely shattered.  At times I feel like I am being driven mad with guilt, regret, remorse and frustration. Yesterday I had to steady myself at a book store against a shelf to try and stay sane. 

They say that "when we end their suffering and pain, we than take on their suffering and pain onto ourselves." I hope that this is the case. Even if it kills me in the end. Whatever it took to keep my boy from continuing to deteriorate. He was becoming a shadow of himself and he knew it. 

I suppose all we can do is continue to travel through time. Trudge through the drudgery of sadness and grief.

God bless & take care. Be gentle with yourself.

XO
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Jan_H

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Reply with quote  #5 
Meg,

I am very sorry for your loss. I recently made that difficult, traumatizing and final decision for my most very special cat. He never told me he was ready to go but he was suffering and deteriorating daily. I feel guilt but I think it was best to end his suffering even though it increased mine so very much. I hope you can find peace.
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MegP

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you all for sharing. I’m glad I’m not alone in the level of horribleness and devastation this has been. The more I read and hear from people, the more universal I’m finding that no one ever feels right. There’s never a perfect time, there is no feeling at peace or even knowing it’s the right thing. It’s a guess and most people have some kind of regret w it. It sucks. It makes me debate getting more pets bc I feel like if I don’t have the capacity to make that decision for them, I shouldn’t be a pet owner. I’d also love to never go through this again, it is the most horrible thing. And that says a lot given that my dad died when i was a teenager, I’ve had marriage problems, a disabled sister, a friend murdered, but this one is by far the worst. I can handle when life gives us stuff to deal with but not when I have to question my choices and this by far was the hardest choice ever w the most final of consequences
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pannklaus

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Posts: 233
Reply with quote  #7 
Many people find that making the decision for a beloved pet is the most difficult one they have to make in their lives.  When we lose our loved ones, there is grief but we didn't have to decide when they would die.  There is the feeling of "playing God" when we have to chose the time to let our precious babies go.  I think though that people often wait too long rather than letting their precious babies go too soon.  Animals are good at concealing their pain and suffering so it is very hard to know what they are experiencing. 

It is also common after going through the decision to feel that you don't want another pet.   That is part of the grieving process.  When you are grieving it is much too early to think about another pet, since a new pet never replaces the one you have lost.  If you become ready at some time in the future, you will get another pet; if you don't get to that point you won't.

For now the decision has been made and your beloved baby isn't suffering---but you are.  Try to just deal with your grief in the present and accept that you made the best  decision you could for your fur baby--and I think it is likely that it was the right decision.  No one ends the life of a healthy pet (unless they are a serious danger to others and there is no choice).  Even if you were influenced by others around you, the fact that other people thought it was time suggests that your baby wasn't doing well.  After going through this decision three times, I have learned that even if there are other treatments available they may just cause suffering and not be successful.  Try not to be hard on yourself and concentrate on the fact that your baby is now at peace.   Over time, you may be able to focus on the good memories you have of the life you had together.  I am so sorry that this decision is causing you so much guilt and pain but I understand what you are going through as do many other people here. 


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Patsy
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MegP

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you so much. There are words in your message as well as others that really hit my doubt and give me peace. This group has been so helpful. I find that my brain can be thick, so I may be back just to hear it again until it solidifies. Thank you
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #9 
Come back as often as you like.  That is why we are here. None of this stuff is easy.
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Patsy
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #10 

Dear Patsy,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you so much, for your consistent, caring, compassionate and insightful reply posts. They are always poignant, wise and thoughtful.

XO
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