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MegP

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Reply with quote  #1 
When does the guilt end? Will I ever stop questioning my decision? I’m scared I made the wrong choice. At the time I was scared that I would regret not trying the procedure but trusted that bc I was anxious that others judgment was better. I’m scared I should have trusted my gut. I trust my husband and mother that they thought it was best but they also trusted me to make the final call. I keep going through anxious panic bc I can’t undo it. I’m scared I ended my cats life too early bc they thought it best. Who gambled w life? Why is it ok to do so? I’m afraid I’m never going to have peace abt this.
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Ceceliadempsey3

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Reply with quote  #2 
MegP.
I’m not sure when the guilt will stop. Try not to be hard on yourself. It’s never an easy decision. I try not to struggle with my guilt. I say over over to myself I gave him a great life he was a rescue 3xs over Full of life, stubborn, funny and I can go on and on. In the end he was not the same dog. He looked so darn good and in great shape, but his seizures took the life out of him. So when I look at all my videos and compared to the ones from the last six months. I knew it was time. I still struggle with guilt. Though I think I can come to terms with that, however I’m just finding it so difficult to live my life with out him
Sorry for going on - Thatcher was my first and only pet I hope you will soon find some peace . ❤️
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MegP

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you, at least we are not alone. This was my one of my first two pets, I got two cats when I moved out. The first one I’ve fully bonded with, been responsible for and watched die. Grew up w cats and dogs my whole life but never connected like I did w this one. His death in any situation would leave me heartbroken but this decision has been horrific and traumatizing. I’m also learning just how well they hide pain from us. Thanks for sharing, I wish you peace and glad you’re focusing on his life. I know I will get there, I just really have to make my mind up abt how I’m gonna “write the story” of what happened. I wish I had more info in making the decision...I wish I wish I wish
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #4 

Hi Meg,

Many of us feel the exact same way. I regret making that final, fatal decision to end the life of my best friend and only family. My heart and mind is completely shattered.  At times I feel like I am being driven mad with guilt, regret, remorse and frustration. Yesterday I had to steady myself at a book store against a shelf to try and stay sane. 

They say that "when we end their suffering and pain, we than take on their suffering and pain onto ourselves." I hope that this is the case. Even if it kills me in the end. Whatever it took to keep my boy from continuing to deteriorate. He was becoming a shadow of himself and he knew it. 

I suppose all we can do is continue to travel through time. Trudge through the drudgery of sadness and grief.

God bless & take care. Be gentle with yourself.

XO
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Jan_H

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Reply with quote  #5 
Meg,

I am very sorry for your loss. I recently made that difficult, traumatizing and final decision for my most very special cat. He never told me he was ready to go but he was suffering and deteriorating daily. I feel guilt but I think it was best to end his suffering even though it increased mine so very much. I hope you can find peace.
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MegP

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Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you all for sharing. I’m glad I’m not alone in the level of horribleness and devastation this has been. The more I read and hear from people, the more universal I’m finding that no one ever feels right. There’s never a perfect time, there is no feeling at peace or even knowing it’s the right thing. It’s a guess and most people have some kind of regret w it. It sucks. It makes me debate getting more pets bc I feel like if I don’t have the capacity to make that decision for them, I shouldn’t be a pet owner. I’d also love to never go through this again, it is the most horrible thing. And that says a lot given that my dad died when i was a teenager, I’ve had marriage problems, a disabled sister, a friend murdered, but this one is by far the worst. I can handle when life gives us stuff to deal with but not when I have to question my choices and this by far was the hardest choice ever w the most final of consequences
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #7 
Many people find that making the decision for a beloved pet is the most difficult one they have to make in their lives.  When we lose our loved ones, there is grief but we didn't have to decide when they would die.  There is the feeling of "playing God" when we have to chose the time to let our precious babies go.  I think though that people often wait too long rather than letting their precious babies go too soon.  Animals are good at concealing their pain and suffering so it is very hard to know what they are experiencing. 

It is also common after going through the decision to feel that you don't want another pet.   That is part of the grieving process.  When you are grieving it is much too early to think about another pet, since a new pet never replaces the one you have lost.  If you become ready at some time in the future, you will get another pet; if you don't get to that point you won't.

For now the decision has been made and your beloved baby isn't suffering---but you are.  Try to just deal with your grief in the present and accept that you made the best  decision you could for your fur baby--and I think it is likely that it was the right decision.  No one ends the life of a healthy pet (unless they are a serious danger to others and there is no choice).  Even if you were influenced by others around you, the fact that other people thought it was time suggests that your baby wasn't doing well.  After going through this decision three times, I have learned that even if there are other treatments available they may just cause suffering and not be successful.  Try not to be hard on yourself and concentrate on the fact that your baby is now at peace.   Over time, you may be able to focus on the good memories you have of the life you had together.  I am so sorry that this decision is causing you so much guilt and pain but I understand what you are going through as do many other people here. 


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Patsy
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MegP

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Reply with quote  #8 
Thank you so much. There are words in your message as well as others that really hit my doubt and give me peace. This group has been so helpful. I find that my brain can be thick, so I may be back just to hear it again until it solidifies. Thank you
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pannklaus

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Reply with quote  #9 
Come back as often as you like.  That is why we are here. None of this stuff is easy.
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Patsy
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #10 

Dear Patsy,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank you so much, for your consistent, caring, compassionate and insightful reply posts. They are always poignant, wise and thoughtful.

XO
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Aztecsmom

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Reply with quote  #11 
Megan,

I feel like I’m reading my own words. I’m convinced that my guilt will never end. I lost my baby boy over 2 years ago and I’m still struggling and crying everyday. He was also one of my two first pets. I grew up with family pets too, but never bonded with them like I did with my two babies. And now my second one is going downhill because a vet bullied me into getting her dental surgery. He overdosed her anesthesia and she almost died on the table. She’s having all kinds of health issues now and was in perfect health before the surgery, aside from arthritis. So, now I feel guilty for that too. Carrying guilt for both of my dogs has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m so sorry for your pain and suffering. Grief is horrible enough, but when you add guilt on top of it, things seem so much worse. 💔
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #12 

Dear AztecsMom,

I am so sorry for what your baby boy and you experienced. And for what you are going through with your little girl now with her complications after dental surgery.

I had 5 Vets recommend that my cat Marmalade have dental surgery too. And I am not sure it was the right thing to do either. Antibiotics had always helped before. For over 3 years.

The dental surgery may have just been too invasive and triggered other health problems. And a pet being put under anesthesia too, as many of us know, can also be dangerous. Pets can die during the process. Marmalade appeared to have had a stroke while on the operating table, most likely the anesthesia was part of the problem. The Vet did nothing to examine or treat him afterwards. He thought the surgical complications were from a tooth abscess he claimed. He later admitted he was wrong. But my boy is dead. And I don't think I will ever recover from the guilt I am feeling either. : *** (

I'm sorry you and your beloved are enduring any pain and suffering and hope you continue to travel through time & heal.

James
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Aztecsmom

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Reply with quote  #13 
Dear James,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so very sorry for your loss and what happened to Marmalade 😓. Even with 5 vets telling you that, I still wouldn’t have known what to do either. And it doesn’t surprise me that he didn’t treat him afterwards. I’m shocked that he actually admitted fault.

I recently had a sit down meeting with the vet who did Margarita’s dental, even though it happened a year ago. He didn’t admit to anything, even though he didn’t follow proper protocol. He came up with every lame excuse possible. He is the practice owner, been a vet for 46 years and totally set in his ways. I had just moved to a new state, so this was our first experience with this vet. I found out that he still uses the “masking down” method for anesthesia. That’s what he used on my little girl. She’s never had a problem with anesthesia before, but also never been masked down. After almost dying on the table and not being able to finish the procedure, he tried to make me pick her up only 45 minutes after surgery. I refused because I know she needed to be monitored. I was so in shock when I finally did go get her that I didn’t realize he didn’t send her home with pain meds. His excuse? Animals don’t feel mouth pain. Omg is he delusional?? I wanted to punch this guy!!! It took my baby girl over a week to recover and she hasn’t been the same since. I just don’t trust vets anymore. I could tell you some horror stories I’ve had with both of my babies and vets. So many mistakes that were made. I’m just so angry at myself for not requesting a younger vet or even asking what anesthesia he used. I didn’t even know vets used gas masks anymore!! 😫

Angie~
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #14 

Hi Angie,

Thanks for your reply. Oh no, the Vet didn't admit he was wrong as if to correct himself, it was more like "Oh, it may not be an abscess. It may be nerve damage." Which is what I had thought and suggested. BUT, I came to realize that it may have in actuality been a stroke after extensive on-line research. All of the signs were there. But 2 Animal Hospitals I took Marmalade to (the Vet who performed the surgeries and a 2nd Hospital) did nothing to address that the stroke had happened.

I have read numerous posts of pet parents who have lost their babies during simple procedures due to botched anesthesia procedures and complications. It is horrific. I had to peruse grief support boards to find this information out, as much of it was buried on-line under corporate backed pet medical websites. That make it appear as if putting a pet under is a walk in the park. That is not always the case, as we sadly learned.

I chose not to attack the Vet nor call him out afterwards. I knew he would just end up being in complete denial anyway and profile me as a "problem client." I actually had to beg and plead with him to try and help Marmalade as I was running out of options. : (   

James
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Aztecsmom

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Reply with quote  #15 
Hey James,

Oh wow I’m sorry I misunderstood. That makes total sense now. So did he do anything to help Marmalade?? And I love his name by the way.

I see we have both done our homework. I’ve done extensive research as well, but the vet I was referring to called it “referencing Dr. Google” and rolled his eyes. I felt like saying well Dr. Google seems to know more then you do. Honestly, I wasn’t going to call out the vet at first even though family and friends urged me to. They even suggested I write to the vet state board (which I didn’t). But, this guy really got under my skin and I knew I wouldn’t continue as a client. I didn’t attack him, but it definitely took everything in my power not to. He was just so arrogant and such a bully. Plus, I didn’t stand up for Aztec when mistakes were made with him. So, I guess I felt like I had to make up for that in some way. I knew this vet would deny it too, but it felt good for me to get it off my chest because it was slowly destroying me and always will. 💔
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