...since the loss this week of my beloved cat Tim. He opened me up in ways I didn't completely realize until I saw myself without him, as I have these past six days. For the eight months I had him, he made me better. Now it seems I'm losing my capacity to feel kindness, patience, and comfort - all of which he brought me in abundance. I wonder if the time is coming when I'll forget them altogether. Sometimes I worry about that, but then I think it's a perfectly appropriate reaction considering the sudden, wretched way he died. Why a creature who was love itself should be taken in such a way, and at only fifteen months old, I don't even want to understand.
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I feel the same way sometimes. It's so hard that the world just goes on and people are just selfish and bad and you have to deal with them and issues. It doesn't seem fair when your coping tools are no longer there. I try to think about how unselfish their (the animals), love is and how patient they had to be waiting on us for something they wanted. They are great examples on how to be even if it is hard. You will see your boy again and you won't forget these great qualities- just think of him and they will be there if you look. I'm sorry for your loss and I hope eventually you will find peace. God bless you.
Angie Dallas
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand too that my cat brought out qualities in me. At times he seemed to think I was completely nuts and little did he know, most days he was the one that kept me sane.
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1furbabymom wrote:
little did he know, most days he was the one that kept me sane.

So true. My Tim took care of me to a far more significant degree than I ever took care of him.

I like your username, btw. It reminds me of how Tim seemed to adopt me as a second mother.

Tigerlight, thank you for the kind words. I will try to see what Tim saw in me, and maybe eventually I can be that person again. I think that's why, in time, I'd like to get another cat. I feel like if he could, he'd be telling me that if I truly believed he was such an amazing animal and that he made me a better person, allowing another cat to benefit from that would be a good way to honor his memory.
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I'm so sorry for your loss and hopefully you will find peace. God bless you
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Thank you EfflP, Jacob was and will always be my baby. I always called myself his mom, and certainly was a momma's boy. Everyone knew he was.

Tim and Jacob sound a lot alike. Sweet babies wjo loved with all their hearts.
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I told myself that I didn't need this site anymore. I was managing fine...so I thought. For the past day or 2 everyplace I looked, , I saw Lenny, that dear sweet, old, lumpy, blind, deaf cocker spaniel that was found in the middle of a busy street just 14 months before I lost him. I have had dogs and cats for years. Then there was Lenny. Big ol' lumbering Lenny, who was ever so grateful for body rubs, for any attention that came his way.  I have so much love left in my heart for him that now he will never experience. 

People asked me why I spent money on him to get  his health issues resolved, to keep him groomed (something that no one had done for him for ages). How could I NOT do it? I just know he had to feel a lot better and in his own way appreciated it...and me.  He had to always be where I was. H.e would stumble around until he found me or I found him and led him to where I was going to be.  Then he would plop down by my feet and go sound asleep. 

Today I started putting all his bedding away. It had been laundered shortly after his passing, just hadn't been put away. Out ,came those knives. Sometimes it is so unbearable, most of you know this pain...then I try to think about the love and kindness I was able to give him.  Oh, how I loved that little ol' dog.  I still have 2 little dogs and I have learned from Lenny not to take them for granted, but to give them the little pleasures they enjoy. (not treats) My Chihuahua loves to have me take her nose in my hand and sort of shake it....go figure that one out. She enjoys it so I will do it. My little Maltese mix, Lilli, went suddenly blind about a month before Lenny passed. The 2 of them were constantly together after that which they never were before.  She was diagnosed with SARDS, a retina disease for which there is no treatment and no cure. Several weeks after Lenny went, Lilli regained her sight. Her ophthalmologist, one of the best in the area, can't believe it and has scheduled her for another or more tests (at his expense).  Having seen how Lenny was able to deal with blindness and seeing Lilli deal with it also, was a great learning experience.  I will not take Lilli's sight for granted anymore. I take more time now to play with her, knowing how quickly her sight can leave again.  I guess what I am trying to say, is try to make something good out of the bad. Don't be bitter.  If you believe in God, he has a plan for everything that happens. Maybe we don't understand it yet, maybe we never will, but our loss is part of his plan and he never gives us more pain than we can handle. I try to remember this.
If you've gotten this far without falling asleep, thank you for taking time to read my jumbled thoughts.

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Anything you feel when a loved one has gone -especially in a sudden tragic way, and so soon after their passing -is 'appropriate'. If that is the right word. It is just grieving, shock and pain, and it hurts like nothing else. There is nothing 'wrong' with feeling anything....even hating God or whatever feelings come up.

But there is one thing my dog taught me (after her passing!), and that is to know the love is real and very very valuable. It always was and it always will be.
Blessings and my kindest thoughts to you.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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