pianokitten91
Hi everyone, I'm Rebecca and I'm hoping to find some support from someone.

About two and a half months ago I was suddenly responsible for three little precious kittens. They weren't weaned yet as their eyes were still blue. Their mama accidentally got hit on the road in front of our house. Two of the kittens had actually started to experiment in kitten chow and were thriving, but the runt of the litter was suffering because she was not eating solid food, but was dependent on her mom's milk. I purchased a pet bottle and milk replacement formula for kittens. Soon the runt began to grow and gain weight. She looked much healthier by the time she was three months old. I named the kittens once I saw all three were going to survive. Their names were: Gracie (runt), Hope, and Pablo Amor (Amor meaning Love in Spanish). I naturally grew very fond of and very attached to these precious babies throughout the bottle feeding process and then the weaning process. I had so much love in my heart for those babies at that point that I didn't believe it could grow any stronger, but it has.

This afternoon Hope was accidentally hit in our driveway. We had someone at our house looking at one of the red Golden Retri   evers, he was considering taking him home with him. As he was backing out my Hope was hit by his tire in her face. She died in my sister's arms a few seconds after the impact.

It is now 10:55pm my time (EST). I have been crying off and on since 4:30pm this afternoon.

Different ones have given me their condolences. However, one thing that some have done have caused an even heavier grief to be placed upon me than what I was already feeling. They're actually dismissing it, making me feel foolish for grieving my baby. One person pointed out how she had lost her dad and watched him suffer for 5 days before he died. It made me feel guilty, even stupid, for grieving Hope. But I snapped out of that train of thought.

Hope meant a lot to me. I was attached to her and I loved her with all my heart.

I'm a substitute teacher and am working with middle schoolers tomorrow. Knowing that I can come here (and visit the chat room) will help me to keep it together while I'm working tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,
Rebecca
Hope.jpg
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Sigmund Freud

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer
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Beesmom123
Rebecca
I'm so sorry for your loss, Hope is such a beauty and it's so sad her life was cut short. It was so good of you to help the kittens and show them compassion and love. Please do not let what others say make you feel foolish, you are suffering the loss of a loved one
It is no less of a loss because it is an animal.

I lost my Byron in October, I love him more than life itself and miss him terribly. I was fortunate to share my life with him from his kitten hood until he just turned 16. All the folks here understand what you are dealing with, feel free to reach out

Hang in there and be good to yourself.
Diana



Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"
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ahartofilis
Rebecca, Such a pretty kitty! I am so sorry that you lost this young little beauty. This is a good place for you to get the support you need as everyone understands how it feels to loose a furbaby. It can hurt when our feelings are belittled or dismissed by some. I try not to be offended by ignorance but I know that it hurts!  You did a lot for those kittens and the remaining ones need you more then ever now. Again I am truly sorry that Hope had to cross over to the bridge in such an aweful way and at such a young age. So much is just not fair in life, like loosing our beloved companions when we thought they had so much more time.......I hope you find peace and comfort!    Sincerely, Andrea, Cocos Mom
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Graceful
pianokitten91 wrote:

This afternoon Hope was accidentally hit in our driveway. We had someone at our house looking at one of the red Golden Retri   evers, he was considering taking him home with him. As he was backing out my Hope was hit by his tire in her face. She died in my sister's arms a few seconds after the impact.

It is now 10:55pm my time (EST). I have been crying off and on since 4:30pm this afternoon.

Different ones have given me their condolences. However, one thing that some have done have caused an even heavier grief to be placed upon me than what I was already feeling. They're actually dismissing it, making me feel foolish for grieving my baby. One person pointed out how she had lost her dad and watched him suffer for 5 days before he died. It made me feel guilty, even stupid, for grieving Hope. But I snapped out of that train of thought.

Hope meant a lot to me. I was attached to her and I loved her with all my heart.

I'm a substitute teacher and am working with middle schoolers tomorrow. Knowing that I can come here (and visit the chat room) will help me to keep it together while I'm working tomorrow.

Thanks for reading,
Rebecca


Rebecca,
Please accept my sincere condolences for the loss of sweet little Hope.  

One of the wisest things I've seen people say here, and I say it myself, is that everyone does not understand how you feel, and therefore, you (and all of us who feel this way) have to be careful how we share our grief.   Don't let anyone belittle how you feel about the death of an innocent kitten; you loved her, and were looking forward to having her in your life for a long time.   The accident is a traumatic event.   Thank goodness your sister was there.

Take care of yourself and grieve for Hope as long as you need to, she was in your heart, and that should give you some peace.   Kittens are like instant love. 

Hang in there, hold tight to Gracie and Pablo Amor.   Perhaps a small donation in Hope's name to a humane society, or another gesture of "hope" will be a nice memorial gift to her, and will ease your sorrow.    
Peace to you, and "safe travels" to sweet little Hope.  
Grace

"Now that the time has come
 Soon gone is the day,
 There upon some distant shore
 You will hear me say,
 Long as the day in the summer time
 Deep as the wine-dark sea,
 I'll keep your heart with mine
 Till you come to me"  (LM)

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pianokitten91
Thank you, everyone, so much for your kind words and I give to you all my condolences for your furbabies. <3

Diana - Thank you... I really tried to love them with as much love as I could hold in my heart for them after their mother was tragically taken from them. I am so thankful that all three of them survived this far. The other two are still alive and for that I am thankful. Hope is a part of them and, in some strange way, that's comforting.

Andrea - Thank you... When I returned home this afternoon from work all the cats and kittens came running at me. I'm the one that feeds them and administers medication if it's needed. Gracie, the runt of this litter, was very clingy this afternoon. She wanted my full attention, or maybe she wanted to give me her full attention. I never know for sure with cats. It helps to be needed by the other cats and kittens here.

Grace - Thank you... I agree wholeheartedly that not everyone understands. There are people that are animal lovers, but somehow they don't seem to make a strong connection with their pets. I really do like the idea of a small donation in my Hope's name to a humane society or perhaps even an animal shelter. There is one nearby (by nearby I mean 20-30 minutes depending on traffic). I do want to do something in her name to help make a difference to other animals.

I'm thankful to be accepted here and to be understood. I have lost cats and kittens in the past to various things (everything from worms in the neck to traffic accidents to disappearing). I can remember every one of those that I lost. While they affected me, none of them has brought grief quite as intense as losing Hope has. I believe it's because I did put so much time and love and attention into her, just as I did her other two siblings. She was like my child.

I have seemed to do better today. This morning while I was getting ready for work I happened to glance out the front door and miss Gracie was sitting on the step with another kitten named Sassy (tortoiseshell, long-haired). She looked up at me and when I went out the door insisted that I was going to pick her up and cuddle her before I left, of course I gave in to her. That comforted my heart. I believe she will be a big part of healing from losing Hope. She's a miracle in and of herself. She suffered a car accident herself. She was underneath my car (without my knowledge) and my wheel tapped her tail, hip, and hind leg. My neighbor popped her hip back in place correctly (veterinarian confirmed). In 5 days she went from barely able to move to running around with her tail up. I know the Lord touched her because that just doesn't happen that fast. I'm thankful I still have her and her brother, Pablo Amor.

Another thing that lets me know I'm doing better today: Yesterday I cried off and on from 4:30pm to 12:00am, this evening I didn't start crying until after 10pm. I was at church where a lot of my family goes. I have a cousin that goes there that has had a broken heart from losing a kitten and I felt like she did understand me. She's like a mom to me and she actually put her arms around me and let me cry. It was something I needed.

I'm having a funeral for Hope tomorrow when the ground can be broken. My dad has agreed to help me break the ground so we can bury her. A friend is coming over for moral support. I think it will help me, right now she's not buried, but is put somewhere that other animals can't get to her. It's 30 something degrees outside, so, I'm not overly concerned about other animals, but it pays to be careful.

I will try to post how I did with the funeral.
Rebecca
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Sigmund Freud

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer
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mcspirit
ohi piano kitten91 I feel your loss more than you know,ive had about 13 cats in my life, one incident was with my luna, she was gasping for breath all that day, I was away, my son called and told me,i couldn't get home, I think  she ate that f-ck-ed up lawn pesticide next door. I got home around 830, its like she waited for me, she died in my arms, that was tough, but not as tough as the story I have, my fattyboy 5 yrs old, my fury soulmate, we cuddled all day and night, he needed lovins and I needed to give and get lovins,we would lie in bed  belly to belly, he would cradle his head in my hand, and I always had our energies touching,,like I would keep my hand on him and he would keep his paw on my arm. I never had a spiritual special relationship with any of my other cats. waone day last mth he started this weird cough and hiding, so I took him  to the emergency hospital, all in three days,they would call, oh the coughing has subsided good news, than the next day,we found a mass in his nose,lymphoma, and finally the next day his lungs filled up,did cpr 3 times and that was it, they said it was a rare respiratory thing ,4000.00 dollars later.i went into shock not only mourning cries all day and night ,I would hyperventilate, that subsided,noone in the family was able to understand my loss. right now I in between acceptance and denial,i feel paino kitten like it wa a bad  dream and he;s been gone for years.i reached  out to my 3 other cats for comfort, they knew,your loss was a similar shocking one as well. pets are such a joy and heartache. in time we heal maybe a little, good moments, sad moments. my husband said I yelled out in my sleep  fattyboy, mommy,mommy,I talk to him, tell him goodnight ,,I love you,the cherished time we had with them no matter how long or short that's what I'm trying to review and we were blessed to share that time with our furry best friends,it had to be horrible for you,it wasn't your fault. things happens, that's what I have to say so the hurt went attack me and you too. god speed and whatever grieving you need to do an how long is a personal quest,mcspirit
Marcia carsello
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pianokitten91
Mcscpirit - so sorry for your loss. :( I believe wholeheartedly that cats (and other animals) are gifts to us from above. Animals just make life so much richer, so much fuller, so much happier. Animals, especially ones that are completely dependent on us, can help give us purpose, make us feel important in some way in this huge world we live in. It sounds like the cats in your life have really touched your heart, brought you so much joy. I am truly sorry for the way you've lost your furbabies. :( Thank you for your kind words and understanding. It means a lot.

I buried Hope yesterday. I was surprised that I didn't cry when I buried her. I buried her next to another kitten-cat (probably around 6 or 7 months in age) named Bootsie (buried 2 weeks ago). Pablo Amor was standing by watching me bury his sister. I don't know if he saw me put her inside the towel Thursday afternoon, but he knew something was going on. Pablo isn't one to be affectionate, his meow is an irritated one when he is picked up. It's like he's saying, "Okay, human. Put. Me. Down. Now." But, yesterday he wrapped around my legs. I believe he somehow knew his sister was being buried. I've watched Pablo and Gracie since Hope has been gone, they're clinging to each other. I don't know how cats grieve or how long that it takes for them if they do, but I'm glad that they have each other for comfort.

I've decided that when more kittens are brought up from the barn to our house (our big calico cat has had kittens, we believe) I'm going to name one of them Hope to carry on her name. I've done this in the past with losing one of my babies, it's always helped me somehow.
"Time spent with cats is never wasted." - Sigmund Freud

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." - Albert Schweitzer
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tml81573
Hi Rebecca, I am so sorry for your loss of Hope and so sorry that you were belittled for your feelings.  I have had that happen before and it hurts. I am sorry for them that they have not loved a pet enough to understand.   

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