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Sayuri
danzey wrote:
Lee.....I noticed  Andee's post early this morning (looked like no one else had) and wanted to respond but thought it wasn't right to do so.  I know exactly what you went through and how personal (and close to the "edge") you went.  So who was I to tell your story.  You handled it exactly right.  Now, in Andee's defence (and I'm pretty sure you realize this), I think maybe Andee (hate talking about her without her being here) has just stepped into this horrible reality of loosing a pet/family member.  She's maybe scared, frightened, angry, lonely, sad (beyond words).  It wasn't suppose to hurt this bad, right (?)  For me, after I lost my Blacky, I was so jealous of anyone I saw walking their dog.  I wanted to be able to do that and I couldn't (anymore).  I refused to go down the pet food aisle, and I would never ever go into a pet store.  If you read this Andee and I'm completly off base; I apologize.  We just all need to look at where maybe Andee is coming from.  If she's hurting; she needs us, and Lee; maybe it's a sign of some sort that she came to you, because (the rest of us) know she could not have come to a better, more understanding person then you...........danzey
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Sayuri
I feel guilty because I too feel jealous about how others dogs have survived for years with the same disease that my Sayuri was left in the hospital for and died after 36 hours. I shouldn't have left her, she was semiferal, but loved us and she felt safe with us. I was led to believe that leaving her would give her a better chance. I wasn't thinking. She was scared and anxious. She died in an oxygen cage with people that were poking her with needles. I admire those people bc they do everything to keep their Babies alive, by their side. Myasthenia gravis and Megaesophagus are terrible diseases, and when you hear aspiration pneumonia you feel fear. Don't let a vet tell you it's their death sentence. It is treatable. Tomorrow it will be three weeks since I got the call at 11:00 pm that my Baby was gone. 36 hours of terror. I appreciate reading everything about Hannah and Mack, and feel hope that this pain will become bearable with time. The guilt hurts so much.
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GrievingHannah
Sayuri wrote:
I feel guilty because I too feel jealous about how others dogs have survived for years with the same disease that my Sayuri was left in the hospital for and died after 36 hours. I shouldn't have left her, she was semiferal, but loved us and she felt safe with us. I was led to believe that leaving her would give her a better chance. I wasn't thinking. She was scared and anxious. She died in an oxygen cage with people that were poking her with needles. I admire those people bc they do everything to keep their Babies alive, by their side. Myasthenia gravis and Megaesophagus are terrible diseases, and when you hear aspiration pneumonia you feel fear. Don't let a vet tell you it's their death sentence. It is treatable. Tomorrow it will be three weeks since I got the call at 11:00 pm that my Baby was gone. 36 hours of terror. I appreciate reading everything about Hannah and Mack, and feel hope that this pain will become bearable with time. The guilt hurts so much.


I am so very sorry you're hurting so much.  I know the feeling all too well.

I think that you shouldn't blame yourself ... in that situation, you had to trust their judgement and experience.

When we are in life-and-death situations, we try to make the best decision possible.  You did the very best you could under those circumstances.

What would have happened had you taken her home and she had died?  I realize that you can never be certain about what might have happened, but, from where I'm sitting, you had to trust the vet in that situation.  I really don't think you had any other choice.

I'm certain Sayuri would not want you to feel guilty.  Sometimes, life is just hard and unfair.

Please be kind to yourself.

Lee
Lee (Mack's and Hannah's and Heidi's and Janie's dad)

Fragile Circle

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan."

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Sayuri
GrievingHannah wrote:


I am so very sorry you're hurting so much.  I know the feeling all too well.

I think that you shouldn't blame yourself ... in that situation, you had to trust their judgement and experience.

When we are in life-and-death situations, we try to make the best decision possible.  You did the very best you could under those circumstances.

What would have happened had you taken her home and she had died?  I realize that you can never be certain about what might have happened, but, from where I'm sitting, you had to trust the vet in that situation.  I really don't think you had any other choice.

I'm certain Sayuri would not want you to feel guilty.  Sometimes, life is just hard and unfair.

Please be kind to yourself.

Lee
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Sayuri
Thank you for your kind words. Sadly, Sayuri was not terminal when we left her. I've read all her records and she didn't even have a fever like we were told. Neurologist said leaving her for two days would give her a better chance. I wasn't with her the night before my husband took her in, she had regurgitated 9 times, Megaesophagus causes them to not even get water into their stomach, but it's manageable. Her pneumonia was mild, I had ordered her a Bailey chair being sure she'd be home two days later. She was semiferal, they knew. They didn't take any measures to calm her, treated her for pneumonia bc symptoms are similar to fear and anxiety. Labored breathing and panting. Never did I think I wouldn't see her again. But that's bc I wasn't thinking. I was her comfort, her security, her protector and I left her to be in pure terror for 36 hours. Three weeks ago today I got the call. She was only 12. She learned to trust me. It's not getting better, but meds are keeping me functioning.
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jonancy
Hi Lee
Long time no see LOL. I just read what Andee wrote and I know you want it removed but I have to say that you posting about Mack has always made my day. You, along with others, helped me so much when Scooter died suddenly. It was because of Mack that you know we rescued Ranger. Without you, others here and, of course, Mack who enabled me to rescue Ranger I really don't know where I would be. Like you,. I hope in time Andee will see that we in this group have a bond that doesn't end...grief that never ends. We just learn to live with it and share our love with other furbabies if we can. Even if I don't get on the forum much anymore, I consider you all my friends! Glad to read you were able to ride for MS, sorry to read about your illness.
Take care my friend,
Jonancy... Scooters Mama
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GrievingHannah
jonancy wrote:
Hi Lee
Long time no see LOL. I just read what Andee wrote and I know you want it removed but I have to say that you posting about Mack has always made my day. You, along with others, helped me so much when Scooter died suddenly. It was because of Mack that you know we rescued Ranger. Without you, others here and, of course, Mack who enabled me to rescue Ranger I really don't know where I would be. Like you,. I hope in time Andee will see that we in this group have a bond that doesn't end...grief that never ends. We just learn to live with it and share our love with other furbabies if we can. Even if I don't get on the forum much anymore, I consider you all my friends! Glad to read you were able to ride for MS, sorry to read about your illness.
Take care my friend,
Jonancy... Scooters Mama


Hi Jonancy,

So happy to hear from you!

How are you feeling?  How is John?  How is Ranger?

Thank you so much for your kind words.  It is still difficult for me to try to understand why Andee lashed out at me so.  Many of my friends here on Rainbow Bridge know that Mack saved me from my despair, grief, pain, and guilt after Hannah died.  Mack saved me because Hannah gave her place to him.

I will always grieve for Janie, Heidi, and Hannah.  Always, Jonancy.  And my friends here know that grief over losing a loved one never ends.  We just find ways to cope with, and live with, our loss.

For me, I coped by rescuing Mack, and he rescued me right back.  Ranger did the same for you and John.

“It came to me that every time I lose a dog, they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.”


Unknown Author

I know, Jonancy, that you completely understand this quotation.

Thanks again for reaching out.

Take care of yourself.

Always your friend,

Lee



Lee (Mack's and Hannah's and Heidi's and Janie's dad)

Fragile Circle

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan."

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joeslepski
Lee:
Just like Jonancy said, you have helped so many people for so many years. The way you rescued Mack encouraged Jonancy to take in Ranger and it also led me to bring Taz into my life. I would not be here today if it was not for your friendship.

Joe
joe slepski
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GrievingHannah
joeslepski wrote:
Lee:
Just like Jonancy said, you have helped so many people for so many years. The way you rescued Mack encouraged Jonancy to take in Ranger and it also led me to bring Taz into my life. I would not be here today if it was not for your friendship.

Joe


Thanks so much for saying that, Joe.  You are very kind.

Lee
Lee (Mack's and Hannah's and Heidi's and Janie's dad)

Fragile Circle

"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only certain immortality,
never fully understanding the necessary plan."

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MissingMyEmma
GrievingHannah wrote:


It is still difficult for me to try to understand why Andee lashed out at me so.  Many of my friends here on Rainbow Bridge know that Mack saved me from my despair, grief, pain, and guilt after Hannah died.  Mack saved me because Hannah gave her place to him.



When I very unexpectedly lost my beloved cat, Emma, this past February (she literally dropped dead of an aneurysm), reading your entire thread was my salvation.  Realizing you could have a wonderful life with a new rescue dog after the devastating loss of Hannah gave me hope the same could be true for those of us who have experienced a heartbreaking loss.  Needless to say, I was very excited to see you had recently posted an update about Mack with the beautiful photo of him on the nice warm pebbles — that photo says so much.  Please do not let one uncaring commenter dissuade you from checking in and giving updates in the future.

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BeautifulDK
What a lovely response from all ❤️ I have always admired how this forum brings so much friendship, love and understanding among strangers. I also feel very happy when reading posts about how people have embraced new dogs/cats into their lives. It gives me a bit of idea of what to expect when I decide to do so. I will NEVER forget my Rosco - this forum is for all that have ever loved and experienced the pain of loss. 🥰
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jonancy
Hi Lee
Merry Christmas!! I hope you know I think about you often, you helped me so kuch and I will always be grateful for your friendship. Ranger enjoyed opening his presents this morning, he is so much like Scooter. I know Hannah and Scooter are enjoying this day. I hope all is well with you, Kathy and Mack!
Take care my friend,
Jonancy... Scooter's Mama
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StorysMom

Dear Lee – and friends,


I wanted to add my name to the list of people whose grief you’ve helped with your wonderful posts over the years.

 

I lost three beloved animal companions in quick succession – all seniors, all requiring care similar to that you provided for Hannah in her illness, and all loved beyond all measure. Reading your story – your own terrible grief, your tentative feelings about adopting again and the recapitulation of guilt and grief that it brought on, the wish to save and be saved, the wish both to stay in grief and the wish to escape the pain, and your growing love, acceptance, and joy in your new family member – mirrored my own feelings and literally saved my skin in my own time of despair. It’s been extremely helpful to know that you, and all the others who have joined you in the conversation, were going through similar experiences to mine.

 

I know there are so many people who have contributed to your thread who, like me, are very grateful for the way you have shared your story as it unfolds. I’m sure there are many more who, like me, have not joined in the conversation, but who benefit from reading the ongoing expressions of shared sorrow and friendship, and who use the thread to help them think through emotionally confusing issues like re-adopting.

 

At the height of my grief, I read intensely; now I visit the forum a few times a year, and am always delighted to see your thread is still going, because I enjoy reading it myself, but also because I know for certain that your conversation is continuing to help people who are struggling with their grief for their pets. 

 

I think that’s absolutely appropriate for a grief support forum, and I can’t thank you enough. Your thread is a gift.

 

Thank you!

 

Elizabeth

 

 

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jonancy
Elizabeth
You couldn't have said it better.
Lee, I hope you read what Elizabeth wrote. Miss seeing you on the forum!

Take care,
Jonancy... Scooter's Mama
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StorysMom
Thank you, Jonancy!
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