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Inkysmom

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Reply with quote  #16 
Please don't feel bad about doing whatever you need to do in order to help keep your remaining dogs safe, healthy and in your home with you where they belong. Medicating them or separation or muzzling is not the end of the world and may be temporary or not, but at least will help them and you manage their and your grief and adjustment to the new dynamics of life without their beautiful peacemaker sister Satin Marie in it.
My remaining two cats have just started squabbling and wrestling more two days ago and no longer cuddle up or groom each other without their brother Inky. All 3 of them used to sleep in a literal pile right next to my head and face every night, literally entangled like trusing kittens purring happily and would sniff and groom each other. The 2 cats left were best brothers and would wrestle but were very close and bonded. Now they avoid each other.

The behaviorist is right in that you don't know if there were any fights before, maybe your sweet girl modified and intervened to break them up so there were no injuries. Maybe they'll like being separated in different rooms each with their own food and water bowls for a few hours when you're not home to have their own peace and quiet. Maybe pets grieve in their own way.

I've had to give trazodone and other medications to both my dogs. It was sedation but necessary for a purpose. My last dog had surgery on both his acls at different times and was so frantic about not being to be active and run as usual that he literally chewed up his surgery wound several times and ripped out the staples. He knew how to deliberately crash his cone into a corner of a wall to break it so he could reach his leg to chew. I had to sedate him to let him heal as he gave himself some bad infections. He hated and feared all vets and bit several and got very aggressive at any vet work even a simple blood draw, so I had to muzzle him as well.

My young curent dog had severe separation anxiety when I got him, his first two homes didn't train or socialize him well and he had many behavioral issues when I got him. He would get so frantic when I left for even 5 minutes that he tore air conditioners out of windows, broke the screens and was leaning out the open windows 3rd floor ready to jump after me. He howled and yelped and barked and sounded like I was torturing and murdering him constantly. He chewed and smashed against and destroyed floors, doors and everything in any room he was left in. He destroyed and broke out of a crate. He was literally so frantic to not be left alone he could've killed himself. So we saw a behaviorist and I put him on tranquilizers to sedate him so I could work. Until we could get the appointment I took him everywhere and left him in my car with the ac or heat running depending on the weather and patiently explained to my boss, the police, animal control and every nosy judgmental passers-by who decided they knew my dog better than me that I was cruel and stupid and abusing him. I told them that he was calmer and much happier and safer in my cool air conditioned car with food and cold water and me checking on him than in a hot closed up stifling 3rd floor apartment where he was throwing himself frantically against the door and eating the wood splinters, wicker basket, flooring, he chewed a hole in the floor and all kinds of toxic substances and knocking over the water and chewing the bowls too. I couldn't leave an ac on because he tore 2 out of the window and broke the screen. What if he jumped out the 3rd fpoor window? And lie there dead or hurt on the sidewalk or busy street or yard in the heat for who knows how long? Or unhurt ran loose in the city and get hit by a car? Or chew the air conditioning cord and get electrocuted? Or die of heatstroke in the hot room? Leaving him frantic at home was not safer. Tranquilizing him saved his life and I wasn't going to give him up. Temporarily being able to have him in the car with the ac on was also safer, I hate when people are so black and white judgmental about everything.
Now he's been on sertraline, or zoloft since August and hasn't needed the immediate acting trazodone for many months since zoloft is longer acting, like paxil is. He's much calmer and more relaxed overall and I can leave him alone a whole workday in half the house. I still don't risk the room with the most windows and I've since moved so no more 3rd floor. He doesn't destroy things anymore. He's not at all sedated with the zoloft and is active and playful and friendly and loves to wrestle and run and play at the dog park and when he goes to doggy daycare. Ezcept he's been sad the past week and a half since his kitty brother died. But he did play more the past couple of days and was a rambunctious brat yesterday.
Just know your current stress is temporary and not permanent. Your whole household is grieving. Your other dogs have lost their beloved sister. Dogs of the same gender often have more fights and trouble, that is completely normal. My dog now never fights with females and if a female tries to fight with him he walks or runs away. If a male starts a fight with him, especially an unneutered one, he'll fight back and won't back down and be quite a jerk to pull off the other dog, only with a large dog though.
But this will get better with time and healing and readjustment. The Paxil hopefully will help and as it starts to work you won't need the trazodone. Pail takes 4 to 6 weeks to work though. Why are they making you wait another week to start it? Since it takes a while to kick in, you should start it asap.

In the meantime separation and muzzling is completely fine to keep everyone safe. Dogs think in pack behavior and now the pack dynamic has changed. You have to be the leader or loving parent and be safe. It's not terrible for them to learn if they show signs of starting to fight or act at all aggressive they will be locked up and lose the run of the house. Lots of people feel that dogs love being in crates and view them as dens. Maybe they're acting out because they feel insecure and anxious so it's best to put them in their own separate area, from that perspective. Or view it as a timeout for acting out. Whatever keeps them safe.
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jeffreyburcham

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Reply with quote  #17 
The trazodone seems to be working better on the bigger boy than my Shepherd, although he is more subdued, he just still has this "attitude" in him when he gets around the other bigger boy.

My guess on why the vet is wanting to wait a week on the Paxil is to give his body time to adjust to the trazodone. I used to take both trazodone and paxil and boy let me tell you, one buzzed person here without the actual high of a narcotic.

I've come to the conclusion that when I return to work on June 28th, I will try placing the Shepherd on our very small back porch with a water bowl and a baby gate blocking him from the rest of the house. I may switch them so my Shepherd doesn't think he's being punished. Our house is too small for two large crates and I do not want one in a crate while the other one is "free", I don't care what anyone says, it's going to send the wrong message. We have one other Boxer mix boy who is not a problem, a bit over weight, but not an issue. The fact he will be "free" in the house is not really an issue for me but may be for the Shepherd. It gets too stuffy on the back porch to close the door so a baby gate will have to do. I am hoping this is a temporary issue as getting rid of ANY of my boys is not an option, I cannot do that to either of them. My Shepherd will let me place the muzzle on him, no issues. I have not tried putting the muzzle on the bigger boy, yet, but that is going to have to happen.

In the meantime, it's like walking on eggshells sometimes for me, always on the alert. I do know that fights have never broken out while we are gone due to that simple fact that when the Shepherd starts one, and it's always him that does, the Cur will not let go and stop, he always has to be physically removed to let go of my Shepherd. My reasoning is that there is nobody here for them to jockey for attention from us but then again, the girl was here and the Shepherd was always more interested in her than the other two boys.

I miss her so much, today marks the two week mark of her leaving us. The crying will not stop and neither does the hurt and pain but I do take solace in the fact she is no longer suffering. Now to see to it that HER boys are taken care of, just like she would have wanted it to be. I just told my wife I never realized just how much of an impact she had on this household and to everyone she ever met. She really made an impact in the lives of the Staff at the Specialty Clinic as we just received a condolence card from them. I cried the whole time trying to read each persons comment.
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jeffreyburcham

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Reply with quote  #18 
Today, June 21, 2017 is three weeks to the day that I spent my final day with Satin Marie. We knew this day was coming but I was still unprepared for it, even though we were planning on taking her to her regular vet that Friday, June 2nd. There was so much more I wanted to do with her but her body just couldn't handle the pain anymore and I could no longer sit there and essentially watch her like that. By 11:20 that evening, May 31, 2017 we took our final car ride together. I just miss her so much and at times, the pain is too overwhelming for me but I get through the crying and the sorrow. I console myself in knowing she is no longer in pain but more importantly, being here I know I am not alone, not by a long shot.

She was my baby girl and was so very special to me, not to say our other three who went before her weren't or that my three boys aren't special to me.

Satin Marie, well, you just had to have met her to know what I mean and I know you all know exactly what I mean.

I just can't seem to get over this and it's really getting to me. I've joined a pet loss therapy group and am going to see the therapist one on one in July. Still, this isn't getting easier each day.
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AndreaT

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Reply with quote  #19 
I just joined today after the recommendation of my sister in law. 

I'm so very sorry! I feel your pain and heartache.

2 days ago, we took our beloved 9 year old Stella to the vet for what we thought was a UTI. After transferring her to the animal hospital, what we got was horrible news. Spleen cancer that had spread to her lungs. She wasn't a candidate for chemo or surgery and was losing blood count in the short time she was there.

We had no idea! None. 

We had to put her down that night, and it was AWFUL.

We didn't know this was coming. No time to prepare emotionally. Although, I don't know if having had more would have even helped.

My daughter and I have been having bouts of crying spells. I'm a stay at home mom and we only have our cats left... and a house without doggie energy feels so empty. It's heartbreaking.

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jeffreyburcham

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Reply with quote  #20 
AndreaT, welcome. I just joined not too long ago and it truly does help, just reading and posting and crying. Here, you are among friends and a new family.

I am so sorry for your loss. I still have three boys and am worried to death about them. I was fortunate with my Satin Marie, I had a knee replacement done last October and was able to be with her every single day right up to the very sad end, through all the chemo and radiation treatments, all the pills (and peanut butter!).

What I (or any of us for that matter) wouldn't give for just one more day with her.

My tears and prayers are with you and your family. Please know, you are not alone in your grief.
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gizmomybaby

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Reply with quote  #21 
Hi Andrea T youv came to the right place this wee forum has helped me so much x am so sorry for your loss alought you said it was quick a dont think weer ever ready to lose our baby's but that must have came as a terrible shock, my baby has a nasel tumour and am looking after him to the time he lets me know hes ready , al I do is cry , sometimes u talk to people and they just dont understand, but on here people are great and know what other is going through x I think its the worst pain ever I feel so alone in my struggle to look after my son but I make sure he isnt in pain its emotionally & physically draining x I wouldn't no what I would do without this site so your at the right place x prayers and blessings to you & you Jeffrey x
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jeffreyburcham

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Reply with quote  #22 
It's just so hard her not being here and after all she had to endure with the radiation and chemo and pills and she still lost her battle. She was fine then all of a sudden, things turned for the worse then she got better and then....
I know your pain and suffering, just waiting and watching. That's what it was like the week before we had to say goodbye a few days sooner than planned.
I was never ready to let her go but I knew she was in pain. I still blame myself for not doing something more or something sooner and I know there was nothing more to do but just can't get that out of my head.
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MyBella

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Reply with quote  #23 
Satin Memorial3.jpg 

Hi Jeffrey,

Such a beautiful stone for your precious Satin Marie's final resting place.
I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful girl, she put up such a hard battle.
I wish for such peace, healing and light to find your shattered heart, may the pure love that your sweet girl continues to surround you with be felt so deeply in your heart.

Sending our most positive healing thoughts your way.

Sincerely, Don & Vera


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jeffreyburcham

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Reply with quote  #24 
Thank you Don and Vera. Today is exactly four weeks since she left us and it hasn't gotten any easier. The crying comes in waves, as does the anger and pain even though I know she is no longer suffering or in pain. I just miss her so much and being here helps but I am anxious about returning to work come Monday July 3rd after being off since October 19, 2016. It's because of that time off I was able to do all I could for her once it came down to the treatments for the tumors and I cherish every day because through it all, she was a trooper and she loved those truck rides with me. Now everytime I go anywhere, I still talk to her and that makes me cry.

I've scheduled a counseling session for July 8th with a pet loss counselor and cannot wait for that as I really need it. I'm also going to be contacting my mental Health provider at the VA for assistance because I am very concerned for myself and my behavior. I see the warning signs and need to take action now.
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jeffreyburcham

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Reply with quote  #25 
It's been a month now (July 1, 2017) since Satin Marie left me and I still cannot get over her and I know I never will. The guilt is still there for not remembering to ask her Oncologist about the Bravecto and Interceptor and I know it made matters worse for her. I also still blame myself for not doing more or doing it sooner. I know the tumors finally got her but I still feel guilty and I miss her so terribly.
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Inkysmom

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Reply with quote  #26 
I'm glad that you're getting help from a pet loss counselor and your VA provider since you feel concerned about yourself and feel you need the extra support. That's the best and strongest thing you can do for yourself. I'm sure your beautiful Satin Marie is in your heart caring for you and encouraging you to try to heal and care for yourself, and that she doesn't want you to be sad but to take care of her brothers who still need you since she can't watch them as closely now.
July 5 will be a month since I lost my beloved Inky, and this month will be 4 weeks. In some ways I function and feel normal, but then I miss him and it hits me very strongly. My dog and remaining two cats are still not themselves. My dog won't play with other dogs in the park at all anymore unless it's one of his closest buddies. Even they have to be very persistent or he just walks away and isolates. Yesterday I literally was telling his buddy to "get him" and he to "go get her" and physically pushing them on each other, the other dog's owner was telling her to "go chew" on my dog. They finally did play and wrestle and run around and it was nice to see him looking happy like he used to, but sad that we had to work so hard to get him to act like he used to.

About the Bravecto and other med, I really don't think it would have made much difference. My little cat has awful allergies, basically he's allergic to everything and he makes his skin raw from licking and scratching. The dermatologist gave him Bravecto and a steroid shot which helped for about 3 weeks but now he's just as bad as before. If the problem was tumors from cancer, Bravecto wouldn't have helped that, it only discourages and maybe kills ibsects, ticks and parasites from my understanding. It sounds like you did everything you could for her. I try not to torture myself about all the things I could have done for Inky and my other pets that I lost, not to mention my mom. It's the nature of grief and it's stages to want to feel that we had control in preventing the loss and have regrets. But we didn't have control. Even if you'd magically bought some more time, it might have caused suffering and poor quality of life. Ultimately you can be as cautious as possible and wrap yourself and your pets in bubble wrap and do everything right and they can still be taken early in a random accident, fire, illness, natural disaster. Doing everything right and proactively is no guarantee of longevity unfortunately. You just do the best you can and try to appreciate and enjoy each precious moment to the fullest while you can.
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jeffreyburcham

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Reply with quote  #27 
I just wish someone could tell me WHY? I know, but still. I wouldn't trade any of my boys for Satin but why did it have to be her? I just miss her so much and the hurt and sorrow and pain and crying and anger and everything aren't getting any easier.

Yeah, I have times during the day when I think about her, certain times especially like when I get up and let the boys outside, she's not there in her usual waiting spot on the back porch. Or when I go somewhere in my truck. Or when a certain song plays on the radio (which is why I usually do not turn the radio on much). 

But I also have long stretches during the day when I do not cry or get angry. I always think about her, that's a given. We have a small house so her presence was and to me still is here.

I've almost convinced myself I did everything I could have done but I also know I got a little lazy at times, made her situation about me (early on). I really should have done more research on the tumors in the beginning as opposed to after she had to leave. I know it would not have made a difference, things were going to happen the way they were supposed to happen.

Still, it doesn't help me much. I just miss my baby girl so much! 
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Inkysmom

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Reply with quote  #28 
I think of songs that randomly come on the radio that have specs meaning and makes me think of a special loved one as them sending me a sign that they're always with me in my heart and watching over me and protecting me from heaven. So it's comforting to me even if it makes me cry because I feel like they're with me in that moment.
When my mom died from cancer I was completely devastated and just stopped listening to music altogether for months. Every type of music I'd heard with her at one time or another and there were so many memories it was too overwhelming. But driving long commutes in the car in silence eventually got too boring so I started listening to a new type of music for me that I knew my mom had liked and always talked to me about but I'd never really listened to myself. Which happened to be country music, and at the time I started listening to it there happened to be a lot of songs that either just cane out or were popular that were being played on the radio about cancer or mothers and daughters. Each of those songs made me feel like my mom was there and was trying to tell me she'd always be with me.
When my amazing dog died a year and a half ago, there was this song on the radio that came out while he was still alive those last few awful weeks. He always wanted me to hug him in the car so I'd tell him how pretty the song was even though it was sad. Same thing that song came on whenever I was thinking of him after he died, like a little hello from heaven.
Maybe it sounds crazy but it comforts me and it's happened too many times at stressful or sad times for me to believe it's just coincidence each time. You did everything you could for your girl. She knew that and so do you. Doubts are a part of the grieving process.
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jeffreyburcham

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Reply with quote  #29 
I'm back at work now, as of July 5, 2017 and the diversion for my mind seems to be helping, unless of course I have a conversation with a co-worker (like I did today). The ride in today was a bit hard as I was talking to Satin Marie on my way in (not a good idea!) and of course, the tears started flowing. Today marks 5 weeks since she left me and it's not getting any easier for the most part. It didn't hit me yesterday when I came home and I think it's because my wife had decided to stay home. Today though, I'll be the first one to walk in the door and of course, Satin Marie won't be there to greet me.

I've caught myself looking at Lab girls on facebook but know I cannot possibly bring another one into the house. I don't think it would be right plus we still have the three boys and any new addition would not work out at this time, or possibly as long as the boys are still there.

I am worried to death about my Shepherd boy, since he is the one who instigates fights with my bigger boy Jesse, and of course he always loses. he's having issues with taking his Trazodone and Paxil since he, like Satin Marie, has figured out there are pills in the peanut butter, hot dogs, canned food. I am having to literally shove the hot dog piece with the pills inside down his throat and I hate doing it that way. A snack cake seems to work but it's just a matter of time before he figures that one out too.

I am just a nervous wreck anymore and I cannot wait until this Saturday to see the therapist one on one. This pain is too much for me to handle though at times and I am so devastated.
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MyCharlieboy

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Reply with quote  #30 
Today July 6th it has been a month since I lost my best friend Charlie. My pain is unbearable, I keep wondering why I didn't notice anything was wrong sooner, he never complained or acted any differently. My husband says I'm torturing myself. The vet said there was nothing I missed. But I need to have a reason why this happened to him. I got Charlie 2 years after losing our family dog, also a cocker spaniel. He was more the kids dog although I loved him very much. It took me that long and my kids moving out that got me ready to open my heart again. This time though I wanted a black haired cocker, he was the runt and so small. He was my new baby. I work from home so we were together all the time. I took him with me whenever I could even to Florida every year. 8 years ago I had cancer and during my treatment and recovery he never left my side. I never felt alone and was comforted by his devotion to me. We inherited our other dog Sadie from my son when he moved out of state, her and Charlie were best friends, we are worried about her too. You can see she's not herself and some days won't eat. We give her a lot of loving  attention and I won't leave her alone right now.
I really cannot stand that my wonderful dog got cancer and there was nothing we could do for him after he pulled me through my cancer. I would have paid anything to save him. I keep his ashes and pictures close by, I feel comforted by the pictures of him having fun. I really thought I would have 4 or 5 more years with him. I wake up every morning with the same thought, I can't believe he's gone! I'm not sure I can ever get another dog, I can't replace him, I have had other pets in my 56 years of life and never felt so close to any as I did Charlie. He was just so good, he always listened. I could take him anywhere, he would go to my daughters house and was so sweet to her cats and puppy. When I go there now her dog runs past me looking for Charlie I wonder what he thinks. I am so grateful for this forum, to read about others who feel the same way I do. Before I found it I felt so alone, My husband has to work, my kids all work and send me comforting messages, but I feel like I might be driving them crazy. Thank you for having a place where I can write and cry with people who understand.
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