Abz
In January of this year i had to euthanize my four year old pit mix because he was considered a dangerous dog and he had started showing more and more signs of getting even more aggressive. It was absolutely the hardest decision I’ve had to make in my 23 years alive. That dog was my baby boy, best friend, and the one thing that brought me out of a severe depression and I just cannot seem to find a way to cope with his death. It has been 6 months now and I still get uncontrollably upset and I know I have not been the same since then. So I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to stop this horrible guilt and sadness I suffer everyday.
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xxcesarxx
I know the feeling, my dog was 4 yrs old. Also put him down due to epilepsy. My condolences. Stay strong
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Sil
Abz,

Truly my heart breaks for you.  "Letting a beloved pet go", is excruciating.  Words cannot describe the pain, in this forum, we all understand your pain.  You are not alone. Hugs
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clevymd
Abz, I went through the same thing with our Zoe. She was a shepherd mix, we used to joke she was a shepherd-demon mix.  She was so cute, funny, smart, and such a big personality.  Now that she's gone, I realize how much she filled the house with her personality.  She had something wrong, though, that despite all the love and support we gave her, she still would bite us and the other dogs.  She never bit anyone outside the family, but it was always a worry.  Our vet and a trainer told us to put her down two years ago, but I tried to find another way, and hoped that maybe she'd mellow with age.  Sadly, she only got worse and we had to make that horrible decision to let her go.  She was terrifying when she would charge at us.  She had to wear a muzzle and harness so I could protect us.

I really loved her, and I know she loved me because we did have some good moments, especially when I walked her.  I wish I could have just been able to speak to her for five minutes for her to tell me what the problem was, so I could fix it.  I do feel horribly guilty, because she was only 6 1/2, physically healthy and strong, but in the end I had to put the safety of my family, which includes the other dogs.  It was an abusive relationship, and I probably let it go on too long at the expense of my other dogs and my family, because I loved Zoe that much.

I can't tell you how to resolve the guilt, but it helps to talk with others here as we share the experiences, grief, and guilt.  I put up a photo of Zoe "smiling" and another one of her snarling, so I remember both sides of her, but I did love her despite that.
Carole, Mom to Zoe, who crossed the bridge on 7/5/18, Jasmine, who crossed on 7/14/18, and Layla, on 12/1/18, all will forever be in my heart, and ongoing mom to Roxie.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/ZOE085/Resident.htm
https://www.RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JASMI151/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LAYLA022/Resident.htm
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Abz
clevymd wrote:
Abz, I went through the same thing with our Zoe. She was a shepherd mix, we used to joke she was a shepherd-demon mix.  She was so cute, funny, smart, and such a big personality.  Now that she's gone, I realize how much she filled the house with her personality.  She had something wrong, though, that despite all the love and support we gave her, she still would bite us and the other dogs.  She never bit anyone outside the family, but it was always a worry.  Our vet and a trainer told us to put her down two years ago, but I tried to find another way, and hoped that maybe she'd mellow with age.  Sadly, she only got worse and we had to make that horrible decision to let her go.  She was terrifying when she would charge at us.  She had to wear a muzzle and harness so I could protect us.

I really loved her, and I know she loved me because we did have some good moments, especially when I walked her.  I wish I could have just been able to speak to her for five minutes for her to tell me what the problem was, so I could fix it.  I do feel horribly guilty, because she was only 6 1/2, physically healthy and strong, but in the end I had to put the safety of my family, which includes the other dogs.  It was an abusive relationship, and I probably let it go on too long at the expense of my other dogs and my family, because I loved Zoe that much.

I can't tell you how to resolve the guilt, but it helps to talk with others here as we share the experiences, grief, and guilt.  I put up a photo of Zoe "smiling" and another one of her snarling, so I remember both sides of her, but I did love her despite that.


Thank you so much for sharing. I know I’m not the only one going through this but finally hearing someone else’s story is a little relieving if that makes any sense. I’ve gone this long not really talking to anyone that truly understood because no one in my immediate life has gone through this.
I was talking to my grandmother the other day and she had said she still misses a dog she had from the 80s(he wasn’t agressive, died from old age) and I said I know Thor has only been gone six months but I know this dog will have the spot in my heart until the day I die. He put me through so much and I know he just didn’t understand which makes it even harder because to me, his behavior was him thinking he was protecting our house and property. He was such a sweet and loving dog once you got inside with him but other than that he would bark and carry on and show that aggressive side that I knew wasn’t truly him. He was the smiley pit that would give me a goodnight kiss no matter what, even if I didnt say give mommy kisses. He knew how to hug people and was seriously the best puppy anyone could ask for. Barely had to train him to do anything he just already knew it. And then it was like a switch had flipped and he was completely different. He was that perfect dog inside the house but as soon as we left him out, that was his domain and no one else’s. And I always made excuses for him. Which I know I shouldn’t have but how can you not when you know a completely different side of your dog than any one else? It is so hard to not feel like I’ve let down my baby boy because it had to have been my fault he turned out the way he did.
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clevymd
You can't blame yourself.  I also felt like we must have done something wrong to make Zoe act the way she did, but we had four dogs, all raised with the same training and love. She was the only one who acted that way.  I think, and others do, too, that dogs can have mental illness, brain chemistry problems, that come out as behavior problems. Anxiety, aggression, repetitive behaviors, etc.  I also wondered if Zoe had been abused or injured before we adopted her, and had some brain injury that led to her behavior.  Zoe could be a really sweetheart sometimes, would let me kiss and hug her, would come to me for cuddles, and we always had a wonderful time on a walk.  Then we'd be inside and I would try to go upstairs, and she'd attack me, eyes black and teeth bared. I have scars from where she bit me.  I came to realize that no matter what I did, including giving her all my love, I could not change Zoe.  I still feel guilty about "letting her go," but I know it was the right thing for us, and for her.  She must have had torment in her mind, not knowing how to act or what to do, and I am sure she didn't like having to wear the muzzle, but I had to keep it on her for our protection. I hope now she is at peace. 
Carole, Mom to Zoe, who crossed the bridge on 7/5/18, Jasmine, who crossed on 7/14/18, and Layla, on 12/1/18, all will forever be in my heart, and ongoing mom to Roxie.

https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/ZOE085/Resident.htm
https://www.RainbowsBridge.com/residents/JASMI151/Resident.htm
https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/LAYLA022/Resident.htm
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