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Goobiesbf

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Reply with quote  #1 
For most of my adult life I've had multiple, overlapping pets - dogs, cats and birds.  The cycle of life was repeated at a relatively constant rate.  The old and/or sick left my little family and new, sparkling little lives joined us. I loved and respected each of my four-footed and 2-winged babies and celebrated all the ways they were different.  One was blind her whole life, one was deaf, one had Addison's Syndrome, etc.  Those most in need seemed to find me;-)  Maybe because I was younger, the grief and sadness of each lovie's passing was soon replaced with the joy of a new addition.  I was busy with life - my life and their lives

A little, runt kitten was dumped in the neighborhood as the last 2 members of my little family grew old and sick.  They both were put to sleep the week before Christmas 1994 and I decided that I'd try being the "mom" of an only kitty for awhile.  It took me 6 months to trap Goobs (he wouldn't get close to anything manmade) and he tamed in 3 days.  Goobie was very shy and I was his human, his only human.  He stuck to me like glue.  When I called he came.  He never left my yard or went close to the street.  I felt blessed because he never hunted birds only lizards and rodents.  I taught him some tricks.  I considered adopting a dog and/or cat when Goobie was about 8 years old but I decided it wouldn't be fair to him.  I semi-retired and began working from home in 2002 and Goobie was my shadow.  I spent the day working and would often talk with him, play with him, hold him, etc. 

As his 15th birthday approached this past Fall I felt blessed that he'd always been such a healthy cat and thought we'd be spending a few more years together.  In Nov. he got sick and we went through testing and pills with no diagnosis for three months as he got sicker and sicker.  In February, the specialist decided as a final resort to anesthetize him and exam his mouth.  She found a tumor at the base of his tongue that had grown down his throat.  I had him euthanized while he was still under.

His death hit me really hard.  I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worst enemy.  (This site is a Godsend!)  Now, almost six weeks later, the grief is calmed and usually stays in the background, bubbling up unexpectedly only a couple times a day.  I still feel sad and lonely but it's like I'm tired of the grief, just exhausted and tired of it.  I just don't have time for it anymore.  It's a big bother.  Emotionally, I still feel kind of numb and not my old, usual full-of-life self.  I do creative work and it's suffering from my lack of "spark".  I feel like I've got grief burnout, a big case of the Great Big Grief Blahs.  One thing I love about this site is that so many of us express grief in much the same way so I felt connected, not alone during the very difficult weeks after Goobie's death but I've never seen anyone write about what I'm feeling now...that I am sick and tired of grieving even though I'm still grieving.  Since I've never felt grief as deep as the grief I felt after Goobie's death (not even after the death of my mother), I'm wondering if what I'm feeling now is, well, "normal".  I'm hoping it's grief's equivalent of the scab itching right before it falls off - grief's last gasp.

Ellen
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Susie_Squillions

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Reply with quote  #2 
Dear Goobiesbf,

You've put into words (so beautifully) what so many people here have experienced over the years since I've been here.  Yes.  What you are expressing is absolutely normal, and it's a good sign that you are taking a big, giant step in healing.  Hooray for you! 

This is a good time to rejoice in the gratitude you feel for the time you and Goobie were together.  Please tell us some of the silly, sweet, and heart warming Goobie stories that you hold so close to your heart.  I've always found that a little bit of comic relief in the form of these stories can go a long, long way in helping everyone here find their smiles, even if only for a little while.  Every smile we discover is one smile closer to healing, and when we're able to bring those smiles to other people who need them, it's as good for our souls as it is for theirs.

xoxoxo


__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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Goobiesbf

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Reply with quote  #3 
Thank you, Susie S.  At this stage I feel like I'm taking 3 steps forward but only sliding 1 step back.  And I'm very grateful.  I still have moments of missing him so much it hurts.  He was a cat designed just for me and my lifestyle.  Imagine a woman who feeds and photographs birds ending up with a great big, wonderful cat that didn't hunt birds, didn't show much interest in them at all.  And he kept other cats that did hunt birds out of the yard.  I was blessed.

Ellen 
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harli1999

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Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #4 

Wow, Ellen, that was tough to read your story, I am sorry about Goobs and how/when you had to say good-bye.  It sounds like you are coming to that next phase in your grief which is good.  I like how you put it.  I hope to be their soon. 

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Susie_Squillions

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Posts: 947
Reply with quote  #5 
Awwwww, Ellen ~

What a perfect match!  Thanks for that little bit (I'm sure there's so much more!) of insight into your VSF (very special friendship) with you soul cat, Goobie. 

That "___ number of steps forward and ___ number" of steps back is a real thing to be mastered, isn't it?  I'm glad to hear that your steps forward are outnumbering the backward ones these days.  I'm beginning to accept the fact that we will always have or days when the memories bring the love drops (thanks to miss Tonya for that description of tears).  We can't stop them when the love for our Bridge Kids overflows. 

You and Goobie were meant-to-be, just as T.J. and I were.  The day I met him, he was playing with two litters of kittens.  All of them but T.J. were headed for their forever homes as soon as they were old enough to leave.  As soon as I walked into the room, T,J, and only T.J. stopped playing, spun around to look at me, and instantly flew across the room into my arms.  It was amazing.  We left with him that day, and none of us ever looked back.  He came into my life to heal my bruised and battered heart after losing the defining animal of my life, King Bing,
The God Cat, and to teach me that I could love again, just as deeply,  Just like you and Goobie, T.J. and I were destined to spend our lives together.

We're a couple of seriously blessed momcats, aren't we?  You went through so much with Goobie, it will take time to look forward an not have those momentary slips back once in a while, but I can tell you're well on your way.  I have enjoyed reading your marvelous posts to others who are finding their ways here.  You are a blessing to this forum and I know Goobie led you here to help other momcats, cat daddies, dogmoms and dads, and bird, fish, reptile, rodent, etc. moms and dads find a place of comfort and understanding.

I would love to see some of your bird photographs some day.  As for T.J.'s love of birds, the fether fishing pole known as "Da Bird" was his style.  Real birds weren't erratic enough for his taste.  LOL.



__________________
My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley

T.J.'S RESIDENCY:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/TJ006/Resident.htm

BUDDY GUY AYRES~LYNCH'S RESIDENCY:
http://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/Buddy128/resident.HTM

KING BING THE GOD CAT'S RESIDENCY:
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/BINGO009/Resident.htm

In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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Goobiesbf

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Posts: 61
Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you both.  I know it's especially hard for all of us.  And, Susie, I forgot to say how much I like TJ's new photo.  His eyes are mezmerizing. 

Harli, it's only been a week and my heart goes out to you.  Today's been a pretty good day for me and I'm wishing a day like my today for you.
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