StephanieW

Evening guys!

A new friend has entered my home and heart once again. I was struck by her reflective black coat and her large curious eyes. Nine months alive and full of mischief! I had to adopt her and so... I did! I want to give her everything! A wonderful, full and exciting life but it's very challenging...

I had to say goodbye to my Frinks late October. We shared seventeen years of our youth together and it's been very hard to not think about loss and the pain that comes with such intense love. It's now easier but I can't help but miss him!

The first two days of having the company of my new companion felt like I lost him all over again. I was determined to not let this effect our growing bond but regardless, a black cloud hung over me. I spent two weeks going to shelters before meeting her (new baby), readying myself for another cat. There were so many that needed homes and I can't help but obsess on the negatives associated with my decision. I feel as though any happiness I feel is immediately punished with self doubt and despair. It's a constant nagging, "I'm a bad person for not adopting an older cat", "It's too soon", "She won't love you the same" and of course, "You'll have to say goodbye to her one day too". It's all on rotation and unrelenting. Knowing my grief is the root of all this doesn't lessen the pain and confusion. I want to overcome it so my time spent with her isn't a mental distress (not all the time of course). I know this will probably take time...

I would like to know; What has been your experience with adoption after loss? Do you have any advice on how to conquer the negativity and doubt I've been experiencing?

I love her very much already and I want to be the best I can for her. Thank you so much for reading and any reply would be so appreciated. I hope you're all having a relaxing December!<3 

sw
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Gucci
StephanieW - What a lovely development; I'm very happy for you and your new '9-month alive' addition to the household!

In the past, I've twice welcomed another kitten after having lost a beloved feline companion. It was indeed a mix of emotions for me as well. I thought I was moving too quickly; I felt uncertain even after I'd made my choice; I also felt guilty for having chosen a kitten vs an older cat; and I wondered if I were doing it simply to keep myself occupied rather than having to deal with the grief.

Whatever farrago of emotions comes up for you, just acknowledge them all. Things eventually settle out as a routine is established, even as you are reminded of dear sweet Frinks with new life in your home. The bottom line for me was always that you could hold multiple 'tracks' in your heart (representing an animal or human), each of them utterly unique and special. Love is never a zero-sum game; it's more a question of when you feel ready to open your heart up again to add another facet to what is always a multi-faceted existence.

It was true for me that the initial settling in period was a bit tough because I was reminded of the one I'd so recently lost. Again, different tracks are running concurrently, sometimes intertwining and crossing paths, but always in motion because time just keeps unspooling. 

I know I'll eventually welcome another feline into my home and heart when the time feels right. You need to do what feels right for YOU, and only then do you feel an integrity of purpose, and things flow in a way that feels right. I once adopted a sweet little kitten from a rescue organization, then ended up returning him because my first cat was not adjusting well, and all parties needed to be on board. 

Enjoy getting to know one another; you sound happy and excited, and I know the new little girl will have an absolutely wonderful life with you. Warmest regards, and big holiday hugs for you as we finish 2019!
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Jan_H
Congratulations on your new cat! And thank you for giving a cat a wonderful, new home.

Spend time with your new kitty and enjoy her. She will be special and you will love her. She won't be the same as Frinks. But she will be special in her own way.

What is her name? Pictures?

Jan
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StephanieW

Gucci wrote:
StephanieW - What a lovely development; I'm very happy for you and your new '9-month alive' addition to the household!

In the past, I've twice welcomed another kitten after having lost a beloved feline companion. It was indeed a mix of emotions for me as well. I thought I was moving too quickly; I felt uncertain even after I'd made my choice; I also felt guilty for having chosen a kitten vs an older cat; and I wondered if I were doing it simply to keep myself occupied rather than having to deal with the grief.

Whatever farrago of emotions comes up for you, just acknowledge them all. Things eventually settle out as a routine is established, even as you are reminded of dear sweet Frinks with new life in your home. The bottom line for me was always that you could hold multiple 'tracks' in your heart (representing an animal or human), each of them utterly unique and special. Love is never a zero-sum game; it's more a question of when you feel ready to open your heart up again to add another facet to what is always a multi-faceted existence.

It was true for me that the initial settling in period was a bit tough because I was reminded of the one I'd so recently lost. Again, different tracks are running concurrently, sometimes intertwining and crossing paths, but always in motion because time just keeps unspooling. 

I know I'll eventually welcome another feline into my home and heart when the time feels right. You need to do what feels right for YOU, and only then do you feel an integrity of purpose, and things flow in a way that feels right. I once adopted a sweet little kitten from a rescue organization, then ended up returning him because my first cat was not adjusting well, and all parties needed to be on board. 

Enjoy getting to know one another; you sound happy and excited, and I know the new little girl will have an absolutely wonderful life with you. Warmest regards, and big holiday hugs for you as we finish 2019!

Gucci!

Thank you so much for continuously being a wise and uplifting voice for me. Your perspective, opinions and experience I deem of high value! This hasn't been the first time you've come to my rescue and I know I've already expressed my gratitude but it truly means so much! Thank you again. <3

I think your emphasis on routine is very important. The first few days have been very difficult but yesterday I was finally excited to wake up. I felt purpose and excitement greeting my new friend in the morning. The sadness was still there but less acute and apparent. I'm very grateful and I'm sure I will face days when it will feel awful again but it's reassuring knowing it will not be forever.

I'm deeply touched with your description of love taking different tracks in one's heart. I'm impressed because I never considered that! It makes me feel better thinking of it this way; it makes it feel like I'm moving forward rather than being stuck in place with negative feelings. It also preserves my love for Frinks, knowing I can love my new friend without it robbing me of that. Thank you. That was great advice and such a thoughtful sentiment.

I'm sorry that your other cat wasn't welcoming to your kitten! Frinks was very jealous and I know it would of been very hard for him to have another cat around. I think what you did was responsible and fair! Returning the kitten must of been very difficult. I hope that you are okay and that you're able to find a match for you and your family at a later time (if you chose to adopt again). Props to you for trying <3 I know that it's takes a lot of emotional strength.

Again, thank you so much Gucci! I hope the winter hasn't got you too down. Keep taking your vitamin D and please enjoy your Christmas (if you celebrate - - - ever since your DM I've been trying to eat more fruit)!!! I send so many warm December hugs to you! Take care <3

sw
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StephanieW

Jan_H wrote:
Congratulations on your new cat! And thank you for giving a cat a wonderful, new home.

Spend time with your new kitty and enjoy her. She will be special and you will love her. She won't be the same as Frinks. But she will be special in her own way.

What is her name? Pictures?

Jan

Hey Jan!

Thank you so much for replying to my message! It makes me feel better receiving your uplifting enthusiasm! The excitement of discovering who she is and creating a bond is still so strong despite my grief. I wish it weren't as persistent while I'm enjoying her company. I hope it lessens over time! 

She is still without a name! We call her "Baby" as a place holder. Every suggestion I make is not well received lol, I might name her "Goods" despite protest. She's also very hard to take a picture of on account of her black fur! In daylight, it's very reflective and the contours of her face become harsh and it doesn't really end up looking like her. And of course at night she becomes invisible and shadowy.

4.jpg 

Thank you for allowing me to share her with you. You're very kind <3 I hope you have an amazing peaceful Christmas <3 A comforting hug sent to you!

sw
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Gucci
What a beautiful little girl - those eyes!

Thanks for the Christmas wishes, StephanieW, and the same for you. 😉

We'll always remember the loved ones who are no longer with us, and as much as it can feel wrenching at times to see the new kitten and be reminded of different times, those emotions are all of a piece, and simply acknowledging all of it helps us stay present.

It's actually been quite mild over the past weekend, and this week is supposed to be the same. I'm definitely enjoying the sunshine, and taking advantage of the holiday break to let my system decompress and recharge.

I'm really happy for you that you can spend Christmas with the wonderful spirit embodied in your new companion. All the best, and sending you warmest regards and a big hug as 2019 winds down! 


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Jan_H
She's a beautiful baby girl! She looks a lot like my brother's cat, Licorice.

Try out different names with her. Maybe she'll respond to one and you'll know that is the right name.

Enjoy the holidays and spoil your new kitten!

Jan
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Leathur
I lost my black cat, Diego, on 12/10/2019. 16 years we were together. Many cats have held special places in my heart but Diego and I "spoke" as one. We were kindred spirits. He was my Best Friend.

But I understand the guilt feelings and all. I also brought a new "man" into my life - a black cat, as well! We actually met before Diego passed (I volunteer at a cat shelter) and I felt a connection to him instantly. But I still believed Diego would be with me for another few years, so that was that. Until the unthinkable happened.

During my grief I kept seeing this other cat's face. I felt we were being drawn together. The Friday after Diego passed I found myself sitting with him at the shelter. The following Monday I brought him home. Ramses. Prince Ramses XII.

You fall in love when you fall in love. There is no timeframe. I, too, felt I should've adopted an older cat (Rames is 6 months), but you fall in love with who you're supposed to fall in love with.

I know Ramses and I will have a different relationship than what I had with Diego and that's OK. In fact, it's better than OK. We are walking into the future knowing we have found one another. We have RESCUED one another.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your new fur-baby!
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Wileykitten
Hello and congratulations on your new furry bundle of joy. I am sorry you are struggling, but I do understand. When I lost my Wiley after 15 years my world was completely obliterated. My heart had a gaping hole in my soul had grown so dark and sad. I still had my other cats but Wiley was my best friend... He was my soulmate and we were inseparable. A couple months after he had passed my niece called me so excited to let me know they had found 2 abandoned kittens in the barn. She knew how devastated I was and she thought maybe these kittens would be able to help me. Initially I said no I'm not ready it had only been a couple of months that he's been gone... My niece is a very happy individual and I found it hard to say no so I grabbed my carrier and met her at the barn to "look" at the kittens. When was all black except for a white spot on her throat, a white spot on her chest, and a white spot near the bottom of her stomach. She had blue eyes I was absolutely adorable. The second kitten... I could not believe what I was looking at. The second kitten was it dead ringer for my Wiley. I immediately started to cry because one of the things Wiley and I talked about all the time was how cute he must have been as a kitten and I wish I could have seen him when he was that tiny (he was 16 weeks when I adopted him) so after my niece and I finished crying and cuddling these two babies... In the carrier they went and here they are making me laugh everyday 4 years later. I named them Alex and Riley... Riley is the one who looked like Wiley and she still does. Alex actually looks like my Abbeyboo, who sadly I lost in May of 2018. The really ironic thing about these kittens is they're smaller versions of cats I had once had and I am completely convinced that my babies visited them and taught them a thing or two because they do so many things that Wiley and Abbyboo used to do. There is never a day that goes by but I don't smile at something they did or laugh at their crazy antics. And every once in awhile one of them will look at me just right and I know my babies are with me still.There is always guilt when it comes to taking in a new little life when you've lost such a precious animal after so many years or even just a few years. We feel that they will think we didn't love them as much because we got another animal to take their place, when in reality their place can never be taken and their lives can never be replaced. I've always believed a new kitten, cat, puppy, or dog is probably the best medicine for a broken heart. And I'm not saying a broken heart from a relationship that went bad but the devastating Broken Heart of losing your best friend. I completely support anyone who wants to bring a new animal into their lives it is weird at first but you get over that quickly because you just see so much love and appreciation and wonder in their eyes and these animals are just so grateful that you chose them and that they get to love you in return. Enjoy your new baby without guilt and without sadness... You can love this one without stopping the love you have we're the ones who passed on to Rainbow Bridge. And they will never doubt your love because they love you even more.

God's peace be on your heart
❤ Stacie
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