OscarsMomma
I have to keep reminding myself that my kitty Oscar had a great last day.

He had lymphoma and a mass the size of a lemon had been removed from his stomach. After the surgery he seemed like he'd be his old self and I was so relieved. Then I started noticing the signs: hiding in the basement, lack of affection, lack of playfulness. The vet told me to watch his eating, so I did, but I realized that Oscar would eat until his dying breath. He was a cat who was all about food, and cancer wasn't going to change that.

The kicker was when he stopped grooming me. He had a ritual of licking me and kneading my skin while I read every single night. He'd purr and his ears would flicker in annoyance when I shooed him away. (He ignored my shooes, which were not emphatic.) When this stopped, when he came onto my bed and just seemed to lie there, staring into space, I knew it was time.

I called the vet the next day and made an appointment for later that day. I called in sick to work and proceeded to give Oscar the best day possible. I gave him salmon fancy feast. He got to chew on my shoelaces. He helped me make the bed. We watched bird tweeting videos. I petted him and cooed at him. Best of all, he got to sit outside and lay in the sun.

He'd had several bad days leading up to this last day. I'm so glad his last day was a good day, for when we went to the vet, those last few minutes were devastating, as Oscar's always been a terror at the ver. I had a good, gentle vet, who gave me time in between each sedation to console Oscar. When the euthanasia was added, I pet Oscar until he died. Then the vet let me have some time alone.

I miss my little baby so much. He was beautiful and sweet. He loved me and only me; he protected all intruders in the house against me, even if I let them in. We had a special bond. I have such a hole in my heart. This hurts me more than when my mother died, because I see Oscar everywhere. Oscar was my comfort after my mother died, but I have no comfort after he's died.

I adopted a kitty that I will have to take back tomorrow. He's super sweet but he makes Oscar's absence excruciating. I met another kitty who had Oscar's spotting, except he's black instead of brown. He likes playing with toys and running around and playing. But I don't think I would get comfort or cuddling. There just is no Oscar. I don't know if I will ever get another kitty. I miss Oscar so much. He was my baby and he was well loved. I can't stop crying, and I have to pull myself together for work tomorrow. My mind hasn't been at the top of its game since Oscar started really declining. Nothing eases my pain.
Oscar was but 9. I had not even 4 full years with him. He loved me so much. And I loved him. He is sorely missed.
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maggiesdad
Hi, I'm Maggie's Dad, and I just read your post about Oscar.  I join in sharing your grief, as many of your comments mirror Maggie.  Although Maggie was a canine, and your's a feline, your comment about Oscar eating until his last breath was also a trait of Maggie.  I tried continuously to perhaps overfeed her, thinking it may compensate for the loss of weight she had experienced over the past 18 months.  This wasn't to be the solution, as her heart was just too weak to pump the nutrients throughout her body and she essentially was wasting away.  Maybe this was nature's way of taking her gently from me, knowing how much I loved her.  Your Oscar is now in a place where the animals are now in harmony with each other, and I believe in time your pain will ease.  I heard a quote while watching the Downton Abbey series that with great love, also comes great pain.  We can take that quote to heart to help us understand our loss and how our loved ones want us to move forward.
Maggie's Dad
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juju
Hi, I am so sorry about the loss of your Oscar. I can't say I understand your pain, but I hope it becomes easier to bear, in time. I too lost my baby Misty over 5 wks ago, I was absolutely devastated, I still am, but I wouldn't say it gets easier but you learn to cope. Everyone is different, but coming to this forum has been a lifeline for me. Just reading of other's heartbreak has made me realise I am not alone. Thinking of you at this very sad time, wishing you peace, hugs to you xxx from Misty's mom, juju xxxxxx
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OscarsMomma
maggiesdad wrote:
I heard a quote while watching the Downton Abbey series that with great love, also comes great pain.  We can take that quote to heart to help us understand our loss and how our loved ones want us to move forward.


Thank you for that. Thinking of my pain in those terms helps me, because I am in so much pain, because I loved him so much. Before he became ill, I would occasionally have nightmares about dying and leaving him behind, because I know how much he loved me.

Oscar was but 9. I had not even 4 full years with him. He loved me so much. And I loved him. He is sorely missed.
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Katel

You gave Oscar a wonderful last day but I'm sure you gave him a wonderful life.  I'm so glad you had a good and kind vet who helped to make his passing peaceful.  You did the kindest thing we can do for our beloved ones which is to let them go when the time comes, but we are the ones
left to mourn. and the anguish is devastating.  
Maybe wait a little while before you get another kitty as one day you will know you are
ready and Oscar will guide you in that. Sending you prayers of healing and smiles to replace the tears one day. 

Kate



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OscarsMomma
It's now been 72 hours since my Oscar passed, and the pain and emptiness are as sharp as ever. I had to work today and it was a struggle to keep my mind on work so that I didn't burst into tears. I really wish there were pet bereavement, so I could just curl up in my bed and cry all day. I miss him ***SO MUCH***. It's agonizing. My heart is so shattered. I get sick with grief and I'm having to take Aleve and Sudafed for my congestion and sinus headaches. I would give anything to have him back.
Oscar was but 9. I had not even 4 full years with him. He loved me so much. And I loved him. He is sorely missed.
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Charliesmommy
Oscar sounds like such a sweetie!  You and he were very fortunate to have such a bond.

I was my Charlie's favorite human in the house and he was my 15 1/2 year old baby.   He had liver disease and had quit eating.  I did get some nice snuggles in on his last day and will forever be grateful for that.  Its been 4 days and sometimes I'm feeling a bit better but it only takes a memory to put me back on the verge of tears.

What a great last day he had.  Wishing you peace.
hugs

Tammy
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OscarsMomma
I wish this dread I feel would go away. I would miss Oscar when I was away for a while or when he was ill. So not seeing him forever is terrifying.

I struggle to hold my composure all day at work and then start sobbing the instant I get in my car. I cry so hard for so long when I get home that by the time I get to bed, I'm just numb everywhere. I wish I could just stay numb. And not feel anything.
Oscar was but 9. I had not even 4 full years with him. He loved me so much. And I loved him. He is sorely missed.
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OscarsMomma
I have reached the dead stage. I reached it with my aunt's terminal diagnosis after sobbing uncontrollably for five days straight. All of a sudden, I just stopped crying.

And now it's happened again. I feel myself getting teary-eyed and I feel that gaping wound in my chest, but I don't cry. Is this depression? Or is my body fighting depression by keeping me from crying? I'm on medication for anxiety, which also is for depression, so should I call my psychiatrist? Ask for a stronger dose?

Oscar was but 9. I had not even 4 full years with him. He loved me so much. And I loved him. He is sorely missed.
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