Max I’m finally in bed. I delay going to sleep every night since you’ve been gone. I wait until I’m on the verge of falling asleep on the couch, so I don’t have to feel the loneliness in the bedroom without you. I wish I could put into words how it feels to get into bed without you pressed against my leg or stomach or back. You always picked up the blankets with your head then once under you would start digging into the bed. If I wasn’t in bed by midnight you would bark in the doorway of the bedroom. The night is particularly horrific without you because I have nothing to distract me. Just my thoughts of you. The empty abyss in my heart. A hundred dogs couldn’t fill the Monumental void In my heart. I want to honor you everyday, I realize how truly lucky I was to have you. Your my son and best friend. Today was 30 days since you passed. It feels like yesterday, everyday still feels surreal in this house without you. I don’t feel at home or comfortable. There is this restlessness without hearing your bark or whine or cry. The sound of your nails on the floor. The sound of your light snore to comfort me to sleep. The sound of you pawing at your bowl or at the cabinet for you to eat. Your loud pant when the car was too warm or you ran too much. The sound of you rustling through leaves on the trail at the park we walked almost everyday. I wish I could bring you back. I wish I could accept this but I can’t. You belong here with your family, protected by your parents. Falling to sleep now. I love you more than life itself.