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MissYouZef

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Reply with quote  #1 
Zeffie was our 14 year old cat. He was our first family pet, whom I've had since I was 12 and he was a kitten. He was the most loving cat, and loved everyone. People always comlimented him on how friendly and willing to cuddle he was. He'd let me cradle him like a baby, would nuzzle me, and often slept on my lap, purring away. He was so energetic right to the end. He was such a joy of my whole family.

I feel so guilty about how he died. It was so sudden! Last week he was fine, though he'd gotten really thin past few months. He was still eating, purring, and doing his favorite things-run out into the hallway of our apt and sniff outside on patio. But then, he started breathing badly on Friday. Quickly, and with a wheeze, accompanied by heavy abnominal heaving. I told my parents they'd have to take him to the vet on Saturday as he wasn't getting better.

I never expected that would be the last time I saw him! I thought he'd come home.

Well, he struggled with the vets and was under distress. They had to sedate him to test him. He had a huge mass in his chest, and neoplasia, whatever that is. His lungs were also full of fluid. My dad made the decision to have him put to sleep because the vet said chemo probably wouldn't work on such an old cat. :(

We've all been greiving this week. I've cried daily, just sobbing, feeling so sad. Firstly, I miss him. Secondly, I feel REALLY guilty. I feel like since I suggested he go to the vet I killed him! If I hadn't, he'd probably still be at home. And I've seen online cats can live with cancer. I didn't know that. The vet seemed to think putting him down was best if we didn't do chemo. We could never had afforded chemo. We had to borrow money from family to pay for his diagnostics. Anyways, I just wish we'd brought him home to die, instead of at the vets where he was do distressed!! None of us were with him when he went (it was midnight when they called my dad and told him about the cancer) and I feel guilty I wasn't there with him, holding him, comforting him. I just feel so GUILTY, and so sad.

I miss you, Zeffie.

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espresso

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Reply with quote  #2 
Aww, we really do have similar stories. I know what a tough a time you're having. No matter how much I try to rationalize everything, the guilt is so pervasive and overwhelming. I think the guilt is worse than the grief. I can't imagine it ever getting easier, but I hope what they say is true, that it does with time.
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SchnauzsMom

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Reply with quote  #3 

  Dear Zeffie's Mom,

        I am so sorry -- please accept my sympthy -- Zeffie is adorable (I can see by the look on his face that he has personality to spare!).   Neoplasia is just another word for cancer -- I just didn't want you to wonder what he might have had -- it is all too hard as it is without any more questions.  God's peace

                   -Schnauz's Mom
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MissYouZef

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Reply with quote  #4 
Thank you for both of your replies and sympathy.

I just read an article about euthanasia on this site and I read about troubles breathing- apparently the fluid on his lungs and the way he was breathing IS hard on him and a reason to consider putting him to sleep. That makes me feel better. I do know he looked like he was struggling alot to breathe, so perhaps putting him to sleep instead of prolonging his struggles was the right thing to do.

It's still very hard though when  I miss him so much!

I'm happy his personality shows-it really stood out to everyone that knew him! That pic of him when he was at his fattest-he was a very fat  kitty for awhile after he got neutered. :)
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heather16

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Reply with quote  #5 
I am so sorry for your loss, it is very hard and i too had a very similar experience when i had to put my cat princess to sleep. I had to put princess to sleep on March 11th and she was 14 years old, and i've had her since i was in 1st grade. We basically grew up together. I knew princess had diabetes but she was doing fine and acting normal until one night she was having a very hard time going to the bathroom, she was even lying on the floor just really trying hard to go and was struggling, so i took her to an emergency vet because i thought she was just having a hard time due to age but i didn't think of it that serious. Turns out her diabetes glucose level got extremely high and once we took her to the vet she was extremely stressed. The vet said she would have to stay there for around a week and it could cost thousands of dollars, and my parents also couldn't afford it but more importantly the stress alone would kill her there being alone. Never did i think that was the night i would not be bringing her home, and it hit me so bad. It's been 2 months and i still cry. I was better for the month of April but so far May is hitting me harder. I just thought to share my story since you were very young like me when we got our cats and the stories are kind of similar, and i know what you are going through and how much you miss your cat. Take care and reading these postings and everyone's stories really helped me and just the thought of other people knowing what you are going through is very helpful for me

Take Care 
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MagzMom

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Reply with quote  #6 
I am so sorry about Zeffie.  I am so caught up in my grief sometimes I have to remind myself how much Maggie's passing is hurting my children.  She was their dog too, and when we brought her home they were 10 and 9, now as adults 27 and 26 they are missing her too. One of my children still lives with me, the other was hurting so bad that they moved out and didn't have enough time with Maggie.  Sometimes it's hard to be the mom, when your life is falling apart.  I have to remind myself to try and be strong, for them, and for Maggie. 

Forgive me Maggie for being so sad, but I miss you, I miss you...I am having a hard time without you.
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MissYouZef

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Reply with quote  #7 
Thank you for your replies.

 Heather, I think we definitely can relate to eachother. I feel like I grew up with Zeffie, too. Now that he's gone I feel like that's another part of my childhood that's gone for good too. He was with me through so many big stages of my life and a constant best friend.

I'm sorry about Princess. The thing you mentioned about the ice cubes made me smile and there are similiar things about Zeffie that will always remind me of him. Cats sure do have fun personalities. They are just the best. Zeffie ws so loving, and I miss that. I hate that I didn't get to properly say goodbye either but at least the last time I saw him I was holding him and he was purring...

And I'm sorry about  Maggie. It's so sad we have to go through this but I always try to temember they led good, long lives and were very loved, and that's a good thing.
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MissYouZef

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Reply with quote  #8 
I'm feeling very sad right now. It's almost been a week since we put Zeffie to sleep. I still feel soooo guilty. I keep thinking 'what if' I hadn't brought him in and he got better? I'm doubting the vet, now, too...they were the emergency pet hospital and what if they didn't know what they were doing and what if Zeffie was in pain when they put him down? What if he was scared? What if they misdiagnosed him and it WASNT cancer, and his breathing COULD be helped??
What if....
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heather16

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Reply with quote  #9 
I know how you feel, i went through the same thing, and it still crosses my mind. But you can't think like that, i keep thinking what if princess could live with her diabetes and i should have just let her go in her own home with everyone? But all the what if's just make everything worse and you have to just think that Zeffie is in a very good place right now. I heard that a lot of times cat can show that they are not in pain very well, even though they are. I really think you should read this book it helps soo much and helps you through the grieving process. Its called Animals and the Afterlife by Kim Sheridan, you really should read it because its about true stories about people who have had real experiences from events that an animals came back to their owner in a dream or had given signs in other ways. It's just a very good book and has helped me a lot with guilt and sadness. The author goes through how pet owners feel guilt but how our animals are in a better place now and we will meet again. 

We all know how you feel, take care and don't be afraid to cry because crying does really help
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