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amanda
Ah, Willy. What I wouldn't give for a big cuddle from you right now. It's not yet 8 weeks since you left and here we are, preparing to say goodbye to Ruben. I look at all the pills the doctor has prescribed for him and I am drowning. He is 15. He seems OK now but I know I will need all those little pills soon to ease his symptoms. Or perhaps that is when I should let him go - when the little pills become necessary. 

I miss you always but tonight I miss the way you could hold everything still for me while the waves crashed around us. I miss you, beloved. xx
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amanda
Hi Big Mama,

I know I haven't written to you here for a while but please don't think I've forgotten you. You are in my head and heart every single day. I miss my big beautiful lady. I walk passed your tree everyday and touch the lovely leaves, it is big and strong and green now that the Spring is here. A willow for my Willow. 

Ruben is with you now and i hope you're taking good care of him. And he you. Losing the two of you has sapped me of all my strength and I am trying really hard to get through each day. Such a big hole in the house you two have left. But, I have to remember I was so blessed to have you in my life so I guess this is the price for such a precious gift. 

It still seems a bit unreal that you are not here Mama. So strange. I hope you are happy where you are and they have plenty of grass for you to roll around in. It always makes me smile to think of you doing that. 

I love you all the way to heaven Willy girl. And miss you every day. It doesn't get easier, I just get used to the pain. Be happy lovely lady and run free with my Ella and Ruben. My kids all together. What a wonderful sight to see. xx


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