Skhess1807
Hello,
I'm brand new to this site. I lost my beloved dog only 4 short days ago. I have been crying nonstop for a week now. I'm trying to deal with this loss the best that I can. I've been reading up on how to deal with a loss of a pet and I came across this site. I wanted to find other people like myself who knew what I am going through. In my findings, quite a few articles have stated that writing down my feelings about my dog might help. So, that's what I'm doing.
My family and I had to put our dog Bandit down last Thursday. He was 9 years old. He was a shih tzu /Maltese mix. And he was my best friend. He was always with me. Followed me everywhere and always laid at my feet. He loved me unconditionally and of course, I returned that love as well. And now that he's gone, my heart is broken and feels so empty.
Two short months ago, my husband and I noticed Bandits eyes were red. Then in the next day's noticed that he just wasn't himself. In fact, I described it as he was depressed because that's how he seemed. Then we noticed his stomach was very swollen and he wasn't really doing much moving or walking. We took him to the vet on Christmas Eve and they ran some bloodwork. Well, it turned out that Bandit was diagnosed with Cushings Disease. We were upset but didn't realize or think it was anything to be too alarmed about. I went home and googled it and many articles said it was treatable with medication. We didn't choose the real harsh meds, however we did put hi on medication recommended by the Vet. However, it didn't seem to help. As weeks went by Bandit then caught an upper respiratory infection because his immune system was low from the Cushings and was having trouble breathing. Then we noticed he started walking into things, tripping over things, could no longer see treats in front of his face. Then the last week stopped eating all together. We called the Vet and they said that unfortunately Bandit seemed to be on a rapid decline with his health and it would only continue to get worse. My husband and I agreed. Our Bandit was no longer "our Bandit". He was having trouble with some many things. Lost his happiness of life. We couldn't bare to watch him suffer any longer. So we had him put to sleep. Although it was the humane thing to do for him. That decision still haunts me. I know that it's selfish of me to still want him here with me after the way his health declined, but I miss him terribly. I do nothing but cry. I'm a teacher and it's so hard to teach when all I want to do is sit and cry. My eyes are so puffy.
I know it's going to take some time to get over him but I don't know how much more I can handle. Everywhere I look at my house I see him. When I come home from work, he's not waiting for me at the door, wagging his tail. It's awful. I'm not sure if anyone has any suggestions for me in how to deal with such a loss. I know everyone on here unfortunately knows what I am going through. How did you deal with going on without your loved one? What were some things that helped you cope? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. And I am so sorry for everyone else's loss of their beloved pet too. Thank you.
Kimberly Hess
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Tonym
Sorry for your loss..


You deal with it one day at a time...I remind myself of the great long life and all the good times I had with my little buddy, and knowing he is pain free now is what's getting me through
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Apollo_the_great
I am sorry for your loss. On 1-11-2015 we had to put our boy Apollo to sleep because his seizures couldn't be controlled.  I felt like you do now. I also went to work, and I would be working with a customer, and just start crying. I would just tell them I'm having a bad day, and tell them why. I couldn't go day by day, for a long time, it was hour by hour. When I got off work, I would drink until I passed out, I did that for the first 3 1/2 weeks. I couldn't/didn't want to deal with it. I knew that I was just destroying myself, so I stopped the drinking and dealt with the reality of it the best I could. I've never felt that horrible in all my life. I didn't think I could deal with it, but I had to. All of us have to deal with it. There are no magic words to make the pain go away. It's been almost 2 months, and I feel like crying for Apollo right now.  I miss him so much. I'm sure I will always miss him.
William
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Skhess1807
Wow! Thank you both so much for responding and for your advice. I truly appreciate it. It's a bit comforting to know that I am not the only one going through this and feeling this pain. Our pets are truly our best friends and our family and it hurts just as much losing them as it would someone else who we loved and lost.

William I am so sorry for all that you went through and are going through. I started to cry as I read your comment because of how much pain you went through and are feeling.. I hope time heals all our pain. It is comforting to know we have great people on here to share our thought with and who know exactly how we feel. I'm glad I found this site.
Kimberly Hess
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Missingher
I'm really sorry for your loss. We had to let our dog go 6 months ago and I will never forget the days that follow. I had never felt so devastated and empty in my life. So I completely understand what you are feeling. I will tell you that it does get easier with time. Each passing week I felt less devastated and more at peace in remembering what I loved so much about her. I still cry from time to time but it's more of an I miss you cry than a holy heck this is unbearable :) I do think writing things down helps. I have written a few letters to my dog. Just email it to yourself and it will be tucked away somewhere. I wish you peace as you heal.
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Skhess1807
Thank you very much @Missingher.
Kimberly Hess
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Apollo_the_great
Yes, it does get better. I have a dog named Onyx, and Apollo and Onyx lived their whole lives together and not only were boyfriend and girlfriend, were half brother and sister, same dad. Onyx is missing Apollo bad. She just goes by herself. Otherwise she is the same, loves walks, but the weather has been so bad. EVERYONE understands the joy that our babies brought to us. And the loss. Apollo was my sister's dog, but he was my son in law. Now I need to take care of Onyx, and make sure that her needs are taken care of. My sister doesn't feel the same way for Onyx, as I feel for Apollo. All of us are so lucky to have had such loving babies in our lives. Onyx gives me the will to live, because no one can take care of Onyx better than me. Well, I guess maybe a billionaire might be able to. I would be so afraid of what would happen if I were to go first. She would miss me so much. Would she think I had abandoned her. That is more painful to me. Would she end up in a cage somewhere? Things happen.
William
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Skhess1807
No. Don't think like that. She is very lucky to have you in her life. And you're not going anywhere anytime soon so don't even think like that.
Kimberly Hess
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helenbutcher
Feel guilty.  Maltese put to sleep as of this min.  She was 16.
Helen Butcher
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helenbutcher
We lost our beloved dog Molly and Maltese yesterday.  She was 16 and had been blind, deaf, had cushiness for several yrs but now was having bad seizers.  I'm home all alone and keep listening for her.
Helen Butcher
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paio77
It is OK to cry... I am also a teacher (high school) and probably every single student knew what happen to my dog two weeks ago.... because I was sad, and sometimes I even cried... you cant avoid your emotions.

I am going to tell you what I did with all that pain....and I am not going to lie, because I still cry thinking about her.

I found comfort in God's words, knowing that she is in heaven waiting for me and maybe even comforting someone else. I also wrote her a letter, and talked about my emotions with my son and husband. It is also great to know that she is not in pain.

Finally, two days ago we got a puppy... I know....some people still think it was way too early after only two weeks...but my heart is aching to love a little furry baby who will be there, and I know she will never replace my dog...but she has kept me occupied and all the cute things she does help ease my pain. Somebody told me...love does not go away...it just gets transformed...I will never love her like I loved my first dog, but I will love her...




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AliceM
Kimberly, I am so sorry for your loss of Bandit.  It is so devastating to lose our babies and having to actually make the decision to let them go just adds so much guilt and doubt to an already painful situation.  I lost my Cali 5 weeks ago today and I will think I am doing so well and some memory will pop into my mind and the pain, the guilt and the tears come back in full force.  I have so much guilt for not realizing how ill she was until it was almost too late for her to survive surgery.  It will haunt me forever.  Your sweet Bandit knows that you cherished him and also knows that your love was so great for him that you did not want him to suffer.  I hope your heart and spirit will begin to heal soon.  My thoughts are with you and Bandit.
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