Fenella
I look at this blank page and it scares me because I know it will be horrible and painfull to write about my best friend and soulmate which is not around me anymore.
Her name was Mishu. A Grey Tabby and we have nearly 17 years together. I suddenly lost her last friday.
She started breathing rapidly thursday afternoon and I tolk her to the vet. She listened to her heart and lungs and couldn't tell me what exactly was wrong with her, but gave her a antibiotic shot and sent me home with some pills, with the message that if it want better on monday, I should come back. In the evening I tried to comfort her and brought her chicken which she ate, but the breathing was still very Quick. At one time she went to lay on the Kitchen floor, which she never did before and that worried me. I missede her goodnight and went to bed. Three hours later I awoke because she called on me, with a horrible "help me" miaw!
I ran Down the stairs and found her in distress, tongue out of the mouth, panting, sinking, clearly wasnt able to breathe. I lifted her and tried to hop a little, getting her to cough and a little Walter came out, but it god worse and I started crying hysterically, calling my husband to help me. I called the vet and asked him to come right away, and then tried to comfort Mishu, but I saw the distress in her eyes and I couldn't take it. My husband took over and petted her while he softly sang some buddhist mantra, which should be soothing for the soul.. She meowed again and struggled with the breathing as alot of water came out from her lungs.
I was so horrified to see her in that State. She died after 30 minutes and I couldn't do anything to ease her pain and I hate myself for it.
I loved her so so much!!
I Got her when I was a teenager and moved in my own appartment for the first time. I came to watch these kittens, but one of them simply crawled onto my lap and fell fast asleep. She wasnt the most beautifull of them all, but she had these loving funny eyes and I knew, that we were ment to be. That night she slept beside me under the sheets, glose to my stomach.
We have lived five different places since then, she has met all of my boyfriends and friends and she has never left my side. We used to greet eachother when I Got home. She looked me straight into the eyes, wide open and then say this hhhrrrrmmmmm! Like a loud purr.
I love her so much and have a very difficult time letting go. I want her back! My husband didnt know her as I did and he tells me to let go, to move on, because he cant stand to see me hurting, but I am not ready. I havent been eating for three days and everything seem shallow and stupid. I dont want to do anything! Nothing makes me happy!

I want to know that she is alright and not alone and afraid and I hated putting her soft body into the could ground, as if I gave up on her and left her, while I was the one who should keep her safe!!
I cry and cry and I want to dig her up and hold her again! I am so sorry for not being able to help you when you needed me the most Mishu! I love you so much!

I dont Think I have ever loved anyone as unconditional as I have her!
My family dont quilte understand and my husbands two teenagedaugthers laughed behind my back and Said that I cried as if it was a human.
Well, they dont understand how I felt when I saw Mishu laying there,dying, crying for my help!
When I look at other cats, they are just that.. Cats! Nobody is like Mishu. She was a helping beautifull soul!

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Fenella
Sorry for the Strange spelling. I am from Denmark and my IPad make Strange autocorrect choices..
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janiebl
We form a bond with our pets and they give us unconditional love like which no other thing (even humans) can give us.  They are totally accepting of our faults and accept and love us in spite of this.

I lost my cat of 16 years 7 years ago and he presented the same symptoms as you describe.  Unfortunately, he had a tumor on his lungs and had to be euthanized.  To this day I still miss him and probably always will because of the years that we shared together.

Just last week we lost our 11.5 year old bunny and I find myself going through this intense grief again.  Through all my losses, whether it was a human loss or a pet loss, all I can tell you with time it will get better.  In fact, you will learn to live with it, and you will never forget.  It will take time, but cry your tears for they are healing.

The years we spend with these animals are long and it would be unnatural not to feel any of the feelings you are feeling.
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juju
Hi Fenella, I am so sorry for your loss of beautiful Mishu xxx You were with her at the end & she knew you loved her. I can't say I understand your pain but everyone on here has lost a much loved pet. You are with people who understand & care xxx Unfortunately some people don't understand the very strong bond we have with our pets. I too lost my Misty, 9 weeks ago now, I can't say the pain gets easier but you learn how to cope. Someone on here said your heart never heals properly & that they leave paw prints on our hearts. At first when Misty died, there were not enough tears, I could shed for him. I was absolutely devastated, I couldn't eat or sleep, I didn't know what to do with myself, I tried to pretend it hadn't happened, then I realized I had to go through the pain, to get to the other side. I think I am the other side, I didn't think I would be able to cope at first. My advice is to keep coming onto this forum & talking about Mishu, it does help. Once again I am so sorry for your loss, I hope you find peace. Sending hugs & take care of yourself, Juju xxx
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calismommy
What you went through with Mishu is almost exactly what I went through with my cali this past weekend. I feel like an awful person for letting her die in the car, on the way to the vet. She was sick for about a month, and I hope she is happy where she is . I'm trying to decide what to do with her body also, it is a very hard decision . I too felt like I was her guardian and feel guilt that I couldn't do anything for her. I hope our fur children are playing together, or laying next to eachother in the Sun's rays at rainbow bridge.
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Fenella
I have just had an argument with my husband. He is angry with me for not taking Care of myself, because I havent been eating or for not going for a walk and he claims that my sadness is because that I am starting to get winterdepression and I mix it up with having lost Mishu.
He Will never understand the Bond I had with her, for half of my life. She was my reason for getting up, my anchor when humans didnt understand and my comfort when I was sad. He says that reading all of your stories only Will make me more upset, and he dont understand that this is how I get comfort, because you understand me and that my pain is real. When we argued before and I cried, that was the time, when Mishu would come to me and purr and make me feel better with her smiling eyes and gentle warmth. Now I am alone with my tears and I not ready to let go. I know I will move on somehow, but after three days, and being attacked for still feeling sad, is to difficult!
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Katel
Fenella,  I can feel your pain at the loss of your precious Mishu and you are so right,
all of us here completely understand.  Some people just don't get it and that can be very hard
when we are so badly needing comfort.  I don't find reading others' stories here makes me more upset, on the contrary it makes me realize we're not alone, and loneliness is a horrible part of grief. 
I don't agree your sadness is winter depression, it is pure and simple mourning for your lost little baby. 

After 3 days it is way too soon to move on.   You will move on in time,  it does happen, but the deep grief we feel has to be gone through at our own pace and it is very hard.
Do come back here whenever you want and you will find comfort, I know I have done. Tell us more about Mishu if you feel like it and maybe one day post a photo.
Meanwhile I'm thinking of you,  
Blessings,

Kate 


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Fenella
Here she is!
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Katel
Oh what a beautiful little girl,  I just want to reach out and cuddle her.  You did everything you could for her.   Those photos show the strong love you had between you., I can hear her purring.  Again, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.    Hugs.  

Kate 
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Fenella
Have any of you read og heard about animal reincarnartion? I read about it last night and visited Brent Altwaters page. Allthough I find her a little to "American", for my liking, she Said some things that made sence about out pets returning to us, in this life in another shape.
Not every animal returns, but som will. My cat was a healer and I still need her, but if someone needs her more than I do, she will maybe go there.. I dont know.. But It brings me comfort believing in something, so I think that I will choose to believe that Mishu will come back to me. I just have to look for her.
Have any of you heard of these stories? - Pets coming home in a different form?
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Mistysmama
Dear Fenella,
I have just seen your post. I am so sorry. You must miss Mishu with all your heart and soul.
 
The grief with the loss of a loved one is different for everyone, but when they have first gone, what everyone feels is tremendous devastation. It is not depression. It is Grief. It is not an illness, to be got over as quickly as possible, and it's not something with any instant cure. Neither is it irrational or crazy, or selfish, or anything else. It is a natural response to the sudden absence of someone you love very much....whether that 'someone' is dog or cat-shaped, or human or Elephant-shaped -that doesn't matter.
 
Grief is something that has no time limit, and even though it slowly does change, so life becomes possible to live again, there is always an aching gap in our lives where that special loved one always was. That doesn't ever go away. But it is true that life becomes more livable in time. And there are many times it's possible to smile and have some happy memories, and the love becomes a great blessing instead of an agony as it is when they have just gone.
 
We are all (animals and humans) body, and Soul. The body isn't immortal and it dies. The Soul doesn't die, and goes to Spirit. I think it is basically the Soul of our loved ones which we bond with and love endlessly, and we think that has gone -but it hasn't. Only the body has gone.
The Soul lives on, and it is very real. My dog showed me that.
 
I have heard a lot about animal reincarnation, but don't really know from personal experience. I know animals have Souls -from personal experience. And I know they live on in Spirit in a very real way, and often come back to visit us -from personal experience.
But what my dog Misty has shown me is that she will wait for me there until I cross over too.
In the meantime she will visit whenever she can, and I often do sense her love crossing to me. It really is very beautiful. I wish it could happen more often. I would like it to be every day -but that is a bit selfish of me!
 
It has only been a very short time since your Mishu left. So you will feel grief very strongly, and that is natural. But don't forget Mishu still does love you very much, and is still very much alive in Spirit (which is a living real thing)

Mishu is a lovely sweet girl. Her pictures are so beautiful!
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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