Teagers
I came to this forum on the day we lost our very beloved Teagan just this past Friday.  She was such an amazing dog that gave us almost 11 years of complete joy, comfort and unconditional love.  For the past 10 years it was just my wife and I, and our two dogs, Teagan and Daze. They shared in everything we did.  This forum helped with that first devastating blow to the gut and while I still hurt very deeply I'll share what's been helping my grieving process.

This quote by C.S. Lewis in the Problem of Pain pretty much says it for me, "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing."

I myself have a constant feeling as if I am going to vomit and a sort of nervousness that everything in our life that we know just changed and I'm not sure when that feeling will leave.  It's been said that losing your pet can be just as hard, if not harder, than losing a family member or friend.  And that mostly rings true because our loved pets provide a continuous stream of unconditional love no matter what we have (or have not) done that day. They never hold back their love, it is always there providing comfort and when that leaves it hits harder than anything else ever felt before. 

I believe Teagan did let our other dog, Daze, know days before we did that she was going to be leaving us.  He just wasn't himself and very sad. I think I should've known but maybe was just in denial because she seemed great just the week prior. She took on very bad hip dysplasia and her back legs just all the sudden gave out. It happened a couple years back and she bounced right back from medication.  But this time it was different and you could see it wasn't going to get better and she was now just in pain and unable to function without use of her back legs.  The moment the vet said, " we need to talk about her quality of life " I knew it was time.  I never broke down so hard in my life. 

My wife and I spent some time with her, holding her head in my lap and just talking with her.  I did ask her to let me know that it's okay to let her go and moments after she put her paw up on my shoulder and I told the vet it's time, she is ready.  I do have some peace from getting that sign from her but even for those that do not I think the sign is really internal, you know and they know, can even just see it in their eyes.

I now let Daze wear her collar, he seemed to really want it when he saw us bring it in.  Teagan loved her walks and so as sad as it seems I took a memory walk with her leash wrapped around my hand and just tried to be thankful for all the wonderful times, joy and comfort she provided us.  I try to just focus on being grateful for the time she gave and not go down the path of wondering all the "what-ifs" and "wish I did ________ with her" .  It helped me to write a few posts and look through all the happy memories.  It's why I am even writing this, it just helps even if nobody ever reads it.

It will probably take some time before I am able to vacuum out my closet floor where she would always go in and lay when missing me while I was gone, think I'll just leave her scent in there for some time while I miss her. Same goes with the blanket her and I last laid on the night before. In time I will vacuum that spot and wash that blanket but for now it helps to leave it as is.

I am a Christian and I think my beliefs aid in giving some peace as well.  Especially when reading the entire chapter C.S. Lewis wrote on Animals in his book " The Problem of Pain ".  It is very deep but was really helpful to me to think of those possibilities.

Talking with other friends who have gone through this already has helped, as well as family. I know the deep pain is long from being over but I'll keep trying my best to focus on all the good and do things that I know would honor her well.  

I am now looking for songs that have helped others through the process? I know that healing can come through many forms and I might as well seek out all of them.

Goodbye Teagan, we love you, we miss you, you were such an amazing dog, family member, best friend.
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Ryan
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Bailey15
Hi Ryan,
I am so sorry for your loss! Teagan sounds like such a wonderful family member. I love that she put her paw on your shoulder to let you know it was time and that it was okay. I'm sure you know how important it is to spend lots of time with Daze right now as he won't be able to communicate his grief but I think you're right. He likely knew beforehand. I hadn't heard that quote by C.S. Lewis but it makes a lot of sense when I think back to losing Bailey. The only song I can suggest is an old song by Queen called "You're my best friend". I'm not sure if that's helpful. I sang it to Bailey for years. He passed on November 10/15 but on the anniversaries - the 10th of each month we play it and find it comforting. I hope you are able to find comforting songs and some peace in the midst of all this pain. You're so right about the loss and how bad it is... I know it's the worst thing I have ever gone through so you and your family have my heartfelt sympathy. Take Care!
MJ
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Bailey15
I just wanted to add that I love the picture you posted of Teagan! She really is a beautiful girl!
MJ
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Sampson
Yes, I agree! What a beautiful dog she was! Please accept my condolences on the loss of your beloved Teagan!
S.
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Teagers
Thank you MJ and S.  This morning was a bit easier on me, going to just keep taking this one day at a time!
Ryan
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Jody
Your Teagen was absolutely beautiful! What a happy, loved face. I am so sorry for your loss. One day, even one moment, at a time is all you can do. Breathe and be a peace knowing your baby will always be close to your heart and soul! With my sincere condolences at this hard time in your life...you are not alone
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CCIntrigue
I'm so sorry for your loss.  We are 9 weeks into losing our sweet Kassie, and we have had some very rough days too.  But we are slowly adjusting.  Just be patient -- take it one hour or one day at a time --  and remember all the good times you had with your beautiful companion.
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Buddysmama
Teagen's Dad,
I love what you wrote. It was so helpful for me to read it as it struck quite a few similar chords and since tomorrow will be 4 weeks since our 14 1/2 yo Buddy went to Heaven. I promised him I would continue to walk with my husband and to focus on being healthy. We put his name tag on our spare keys and these are what I hold tightly in my hand when we walk. I think of him with us. In my heart, I know he is, looking back at us with that smiling face of his saying hey why are you guys walking so slow?! But that's how I feel since he passed, tired and slow. Not motivated. And sad. I try so hard to focus on the happy moments. When his legs were strong and he could still run and catch frisbees and do all the things that he loved. Buddy, like your Teagen, let us know it was time. As clear as day. It did not lessen how difficult it was, but somehow it made us braver. Seeing how brave he was made us brave for him,
I have been reading a lot of quotes. I like what you wrote in your post as well. This site has been truly a great comfort.
I am so very sorry about the loss of your beautiful Teagen. She was a beautiful pup who looked strong and happy of heart. And loved.
Sending hugs and prayers,
Buddy's Mom
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meganwade3
I'm so very sorry for your loss of Teagan - she was a beautiful girl! I agree with your thought that your other dog Daze knew it was coming. My beloved cat Banks passed away 2 weeks ago from a battle with cancer - our dog Daisy (who he was very close with) began acting depressed, not eating as much and sleeping a lot a few days before he passed. I really feel like she sensed it was coming before we even made the decision, whether he communicated that to her or she could sense something coming that I hadn't picked up on yet. 

I'm going to get "The Problem Of Pain" - it sounds like a great read!

As for songs, my dad sent me one when Banks passed that I have found very moving --- "Keep Me In Your Heart" by Warren Zevon. I really love the lyrics, especially:
  • "If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less...Keep me in your heart for awhile" 
  • "Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house, Maybe you'll think of me and smile... You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse, Keep me in your heart for awhile"
I've also really liked listening to "Rise Up" - Andra Day... makes me feel hopeful for Banks.

Sending virtual hugs. 

Megan x
Megan
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Teagers
Buddysmama - Just wanted to say I really love that idea of the name tag on our key-chain!  Little things like that go a long way in helping move from the gut wrenching sadness to more of a sentimental one that is bearable.  I am sorry for your loss as well and thank you for your kind words.

Meganwade3 - If you are at all a C.S. Lewis fan, " The Problem of Pain" is a great book, helps in so many ways. I appreciate the song recommendations and I'll be listening to them.  Thank you. 
Ryan
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bklynbee75
Im so sorry for your loss. I put my yogi to sleep back in june and the first few weeks were the worse. Things got better for a little while but now I find myself crying almost daily again. I guess it goes through phases. A song that helps me is ill see you again by westlife. It makes me cry when I listen to it because the words are poweful and so true.
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grahamt
What a beautiful and happy looking girl. She seems really special and I am deeply sorry for your loss.
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denwill1310
I am so sorry about your lovely Teagan.  However the song I always think of is You're my friend by Don Williams.  The words are so beautiful and they sum up perfectly our feeling. for our beloved furbabies.  They are our anchor in life's ocean and our shelter from troubled winds.
denise
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