SuggsMummy
It is my first visit here, as my eldest cat, Suggs has died - he has been missing for over 2 weeks now, is very old and was not well. I feel in my heart that he has gone somewhere to curl up and pass.

I am besides myself with grief - I had Suggs for just under a year. It's a strange story to tell really.

Suggs was known has the "street-cat" as he had been living on the streets for several years. I had seen him about, since moving into my flat, and he used to run over for me to stroke him.

I could see very quickly that he had had a hard life - despite the fact that he loved attention, he was still a little wary, and it took months of TLC for me to finally gain his trust.

I began feeding him, sitting with him and talking to him at all hours of day and night, until finally, we built a bond and he felt he could trust me enough to come into the flat, albeit just in the hallway, with the door open, so he could be fed. He didn't like to be indoors - and panicked if the door was shut. I suspect, that some time in the past, he had suffered, some form of cruelty, which is why I spent months rehabilitating him to show him that not all humans are cruel and abusive.

Suggs was an old boy - we tried to find out how old he was, but because he'd had it so hard, it was impossible to tell. But I would have said he was easily above 10 years old. He was fiercely independent and because of the psychological damage done to him, it would always have to be on his terms. He didn't like to be picked up, and he wasn't a lap cat, but he was still affectionate - and we would often spend hours sat together on the steps on my front garden. He knew my footsteps, and would come running as soon as he heard them.

I last saw Suggs two weeks ago, and I knew in my gut that he wasn't long for this world. He looked tired and suddenly very old. And I gave him extra special strokes that night, because I had a feeling he wouldn't be with me much longer.

Since then, he has completely disappeared and while I have spent days and nights looking for him, I know in my heart that he has gone somewhere to go peacefully. I can sense it, and while there was a part of me which was in denial, and hoped he would come home, my heart tells me that sadly, he has gone to Rainbow Bridge.

It's hard because I don't have him - if he'd have passed at home, he would have been buried in the garden with a special memorial on his grave. But I don't have that, because he chose to hide somewhere, clearly because he didn't want me to be upset. I thank him for that, because to me, it shows love. I know now how much he really did love me, because of this choice.

But I still miss him so much - I've been through this several times before, and it never gets any easier. But Suggs was special and because of the difficult life he'd had, I called him "my little soldier."

6 months ago, Suggs brought home a little friend, whom has adopted us and we love him very much. Puss misses his brother a lot, as I can tell with how clingy he is at the moment. But I think Suggs fetched puss home with him, because he knew that he wasn't going to be with us much longer. Another sign of how much he loved us - he didn't want us to be alone.

I'm starting to get to the stage where I need to start moving Suggs' things. He had a little kennel outside, where he would sleep during bad weather. I have moved that today, because walking past it when I go out is torture. I've also put his toys in a little box - and that will be his memory box.

I'm making plans for a memorial space in my garden - a little corner, with the most beautiful cast iron cat ornament, and a lovely rose. That little spot will be Suggs' garden, where I can sit when I want to feel close to him.

It is so hard right now - I go outside and I see all the places he used to sit - where he used to stretch out in the sun, and the neighbours, whom he used to "con" for food, even though he was being fed by me - he was the only cat around here who had about 8 meals and 12 snacks a day! He was very good and playing the "I'm a starving stray" act for more food!

I know my neighbours are very sad that he is gone. They too have been suggesting that he might come home eventually, but yesterday they started to admit that it's likely he has passed on. As I said to one yesterday - as a cat lover, I can just "feel" he's died.

I've spent the last 36 hours in tears on and off. One moment I'm fine and then it hits me. It's little things like walking to the shop - and seeing the various places he used to hang out.

I know it will get easier in time, but for now I need to grieve for my little soldier. We may have only had him in our lives for a short time, but I hope I gave him enough love to make up for the harder times he'd endured. One thing I'm grateful for is that at the end of his life, he found somebody he could love and depend on - who would always be there, who would love and care for him, and who would love him for the rest of his life and beyond.

Sleep tight my little soldier - I will always love you and I will never forget you. Mummy loves you very much xxxx
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Mistysmama
It really touched my heart, what you wrote about Suggs.
Yes, he may have gone to lie down, sleep, and not wake up. They often are inclined to pass so much easier than we humans do. They surrender, and are not afraid. They don't like pain and suffering but are not afraid of death.
I sense it might be because THEY sense it leads to their life in spirit. They have much more sensitivity to those things than we do. I feel it is just a step into a beautiful garden for them, where they are restored and healed. We fight against it for some reason.....

Dear Suggs. Your idea of making him a Memorial Garden is such a lovely idea.

I'm glad you have Puss. Suggs was not just a cat -he was a spiritual Being alive for a time in the world, as we all are. He brought you a beautiful gift. 
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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SuggsMummy
Thank you so much for your kind post. It has brought me comfort and even though it hurts so bad right now, this has helped.

I know deep down that Suggs is happy at Rainbow Bridge, probably chasing anything which moves and may stealing other cats' food - the little tinker! And I also know that with each passing day, the pain will get easier, even though now it is very raw.

But thank you so much for your reply - it means a lot to me xxxx
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Onetak
Suggs is so lucky to have you as his mommy. Even though you've had your little soldier for a short while , he was blessed to have years worth of love that he received from you. It is so sad that throughout the world there is so much abandoned and abused kitties that roam our streets. I personally have took in strays into our home years ago and became part of our family. My wife and I are currently feeding a family of them outside our home and they still won't get close to us after months of feeding them. Just 1 month ago, one stray kitten came scratching on our screen door which we have not seen before. This girl was different from the other ones because it loved attention and practically had to block the door so she won't run in. At that time I thought that she belonged to someone , cause no way this could be a stray. She would stay in our back porch area all night and sleep on our chairs and was very affectionate . Several weeks went by and we decided that we need to find a home for this baby. I could not take anymore into my home cause I already had 4 cats that have been with us for years, and I couldn't take anymore in. To make long story short my wife's friend agreed to take Snuffy (name that we gave her) in. They love Snuffy and they are all happy . Being . I ended up coming to this forum due to losing my baby Simba 6 days ago. The pain you feel, I know it too well. I am so emotional and just like you I end up looking at all the places he used to like. I still cry for him and its getting a little better coping. I still have to take care of his sister and 2 friends, just like you have to take care of Purr. Time will heal but the love we shared will be there forever. Everyone here gives me comfort to know that there is hope.
Mark
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SuggsMummy
I must admit, I'm getting a lot of comfort from everybody here. I had a little cry this morning, and have been feeling low all day. But I'm coping a little better. Keeping busy helps.

Today I've been planning his memorial garden. I've ordered the most beautiful cast iron sleeping cat ornament and on Wednesday I'm off to the garden centre to find suitable plant.

Sadly, still not seen my friend up the street to tell her - I know she will be as devastated as I am, because before I moved into my flat, she was looking after him too - she named him Prince, so essentially he had 2 names - talk about a spoiled kitty!

I'm getting there, but it's still very raw. But the memorial garden I'm working on is giving me something to focus on and I will post some pics for you all to see once I've completed it xxx
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SuggsMummy
Just been up to Homebase and bought a beautiful Hebe for Suggs' memorial. It's now planted in the garden and his memorial ornament has been dispatched.

The Hebe is called "Heartbreaker", which is very reflective of how I'm feeling. Time will heal I know, but for now my heart is still broken.

But at least now I have somewhere to sit when I want to talk to him xxx
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