I'm in shock. Our 10-month old kitten, Virgil, passed away suddenly in his sleep sometime between last Saturday night and Sunday morning. Saturday night he was happy, running around and playing with our other kitties. Sunday I found him stretched out like he usually is in sleep, but gone. 

I've lost animals before, but I don't know that I've ever had this much trouble accepting a death. Maybe because I'm the one who found him, or maybe because he was just so young. I don't know what it is, but I'm at such a loss now. I walk around the house and everything is "before" and "after." There's the bag of snacks I got at the gas station last Friday, Before. There's the new package from Amazon that was delivered Tuesday, After. It's like my whole life is divided in half: the half from before Virgil was gone, and the half after. I keep thinking things like, "A week ago today he was alive. Just the other day we were talking about how he might be about to hit another growth spurt, and wondering just how big he was going to get, but now he'll never get any bigger." 

The house feels empty, even with all our other cats (we have 5 now, and it should feel like a lot but it doesn't anymore). We have another rescue, adopted at the same time and almost the same age as Virgil. They were raised as siblings and she's been wandering the house, mewing. I think she's looking for him. I catch myself looking for him too. Remembering how last time I gave them treats, he was sitting on the counter watching, waiting patiently for his turn. Remembering how just a few days ago I was dragging his favorite shoelace toy for him with my toes, laughing as he chased me down the hall. 

It's like his ghost is everywhere, only it's not him. I want him back, and I know he'll never be here again. I'll never see him again. 

He's buried in the backyard, wrapped in a sheet, that shoelace with him. I worry he'll get cold. I worry he'll get lonely. But that's silly. He's gone. He's dead. 

We don't know what happened or why he's gone, though we suspect it was heart failure, as he had a few other congenital conditions. I keep wondering if there was something we should have caught, though nothing ever came up strange at his check-ups. He got sick once while we had him--high fever--but he got over it pretty quickly after some antibiotics. 

I don't know what would be worse at this point: knowing there was nothing we could have done or knowing we missed something. 

I want this pain to stop. I miss him so much. 

This is all over the place. Maybe I'd better stop writing. 

I'm just heartbroken and I don't know what to do. IMG_20190615_125206059.jpg 
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I am sorry for your loss and writing everything down and getting it all out really does help with the healing process. Virgil really was a handsome boy and it sounds like you gave him a really great life filled with love and great treats. Please know that you are in my thoughts.

RIP sweet Virgil.
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'm in shock, too, and I didn't even know Virgil, but he was much too young to just pass like that.  Playing the night before and then gone in the morning.  I am so sorry.  Please accept my sympathies. 

It never seems fair, does it?  You miss him, but his life was taken from him for whatever reason that you will never know.  What beautiful little guy he was. 

Again, I am sorry.

~ Parker's Mom
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AuralayKristine - I'm sending you my deepest sympathies for the shocking and devastating loss of your beautiful Virgil. He was an absolutely gorgeous boy; thank you for sharing that wonderful photo.

It's incomprehensible whenever we lose a beloved animal companion, and the fact that he was so young only adds to the already aching burden of his death. (I lost my spectacular cat Sammi when he was 2.5 years old, barely at his peak­. It's been about 2 months now, and I still cry every day.)

Please know that whatever emotions you feel are completely legitimate, and that the confusion and the disorientation are a totally appropriate response to such an immense recalibration of your reality.

I'm including the link to an article that I have found helpful:

My deepest condolences.

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