missmelissa
My baby boy (5 years old) woke up one morning with a yelp of pain (Friday). Took him to the emergency vet that same day. Doctors didnt find anything wrong, but guess perhaps its was IVDD, since he was a dashound, and it could be the start of their neck/back issues, but they werent convinced. They recommended I put him on cage restriction for 6-8 weeks with a neck brace. I then made an appt for a specialist for the following Saturday.

Five days later (Wednesday) I took off the neck brace and his whole body bend at an angle, like the letter C. The next day he was much improved (Thursday). I was so happy and couldnt wait to get the appointment two days later. 

The following morning (Friday), I opened the cage to let him out for breakfast, he was laying on his side. I squatted down to ask him if he was okay. No movement. So I reached out to touch him to comfort him, and immediately realized he was cold as ice. I have never screamed in such agony before. 

He was cremated that same day.
I was beyond words. I feel lost, broken and feel so guilty.
Over this past weekend, I swear I heard him three times, clear as day. And they were all sounds of complaint. The sound he used to make when he whined about wanting something or not liking something. I am so heartbroken. What if he doesnt know he is gone. What if he is mad at me. What if he is still hurting. I dont know. All i know is he was calling out to me.

I feel so guilty that after five years of love and service he died all alone in the cage. He never spent any real time in the cage as he always had full access to my apartment. He always slept with me in the bed. I feel so bad that his last week of life he spent nearly 24 hours a day in a cage.
I keep apologizing to him (when his body was still here) and now to his ashes, that I am so sorry that he died all alone.
Rationally I know he was in the cage for his own health, but emotionally I cant move past it. He died all alone, in the dark.
My only consolation is that he died with a smile on his face. So I can only hope he didnt feel it.
I dont know what killed him, but I pretty sure it had nothing to do with IVDD. Perhaps it was a mini stoke initially and massive one on Thursday into Friday night. But I will never know, it doesnt matter.
All that matters is that he is gone. 

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catiebee
MissMelissa, that is just devastating. Such a young boy! So unexpected for anything serious to go wrong! I am so, so sorry all of this happened. And I'm so sorry you have all the conflicted and guilty feelings about the required crate rest. You don't deserve that and in no way is any portion of this tragedy your fault. My heart aches to read your story and the terrible outcome and loss you sustained. And I know it's really hard to not know what happened and be left with empty arms. 

Please know you're not alone in your grief. I think everyone here understands and feels your pain. It's terrible. I hope you will receive comfort, connecting here. I wish you much, much peace.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Avabear
MissMelissa, try not to blame yourself, it's hard I know but like you said rationally you know the crate was for his own benefit but I can understand that right now you can only focus on the fact that he was alone and in the crate, tha's just part of grieving sadly.  Hopefully you will be able to move on from that thinking and remember all the love and good times you shared.  It's a cruel part of this process that we often end up focusing on the way things end because we are so traumatised by our loss that we 'forget' all of the good times we had and all the love we know we showed out babies, this wouldn't be so painful if we didn't love our babies so much.
Avabears mummy

'It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough all the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they are.' Anon

 

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Darleen
Dear Melissa,  I know how hard it is to lose a precious furbaby at such a young age.  I am so so sorry.  It seems no matter how our beloved pets pass we all experience guilt, thinking we could have changed the outcome somehow.  It is all part of this horrendous grieving process.  My Chihuahua, Sambucca was only 5 when he went into kidney failure.   He spent the last few days of his life in a veterinary hospital.  I brought him home for his last few hours hoping in denial I could have one more night with him.  He started to go into respiratory distress and I had to return to the hosp and have him euthanized.  Every fiber of my being wanted to yell "STOP"  before the final moment.  Just like you I relive this over and over.  Sambucca went to the rainbow Bridge on 1/19.  The pain is still raw and at times excruciating.  I feel so blessed by all the supportive people on this forum.  Know that everyone here is with you whenever you need them.  I am sending you hugs and prayers.  Darleen
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COOKIES4
catiebee wrote:
MissMelissa, that is just devastating. Such a young boy! So unexpected for anything serious to go wrong! I am so, so sorry all of this happened. And I'm so sorry you have all the conflicted and guilty feelings about the required crate rest. You don't deserve that and in no way is any portion of this tragedy your fault. My heart aches to read your story and the terrible outcome and loss you sustained. And I know it's really hard to not know what happened and be left with empty arms. 

Please know you're not alone in your grief. I think everyone here understands and feels your pain. It's terrible. I hope you will receive comfort, connecting here. I wish you much, much peace.
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COOKIES4
Miss Melissa. PRAYERS FOR YOUR LOSS. I CRY AS I READ THIS. SEEMS LIKE WE ALL GRIEVE AND FEEL GUILTY FOR THOSE SHOULD OF'S AND UNKNOWNS. WE FEEL THE SAME TODAY IS OUR PRECIOUS SWEET FEATHER BABY SPARKY' BIRTHDAY. HE PASSED 12/28/2017. HE IS A BEAUTIFUL, SMART COCKATIEL. *BIRDIE. 29 YEARS WE CHERISHED HIM OUR CHILD, HE MADE SOUNDS OF PLEASURE AND I THINK I HEAR HIM NOW. CHERISH YOUR BABIES ASHES. FIND COMFORT IN KEEPING HIS THINGS AROUND YOU IF IT COMFORTS YOU. YOU DID WHAT YOU WERE TOLD TO KEEP HIM SAFE. SPARKY HAS A STORY ON RAINBOWSBRIDGE AND A HOME. I WILL THINK OF YOU AND HOPE YOU WILL VISIT THE FORUM OFTEN. EVERYONE IS WONDERFUL, GENUINE AND CARING HERE I SURROUNDED MYSELF WITH SPARKY'S ANIMAKS, BABIES AND JUST EVERYTHING.
FRINDS
JOAN AND JI'M
SPARKY'SMOMMY AND DADDY .
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