spiritdog
Just an observation.

Some people embrace grief, as I think they should. imho.

Others deny or shove it down, put it aside, ignore it by choice because it hurts too much,  which is the way a lot of others do, to "get by" I guess.

I would never deny my grief for Sidekick, I found it a way to honor him. Moving on was not an option for me, moving through it is and was the only option painful as it is. I do believe going through it, learning to live with it is the healthiest, that is my opinion only.

Some may agree or disagree, but for myself I had to sink into it, honor him, and not pretend he is gone and life went on because it didn't. Life stopped with him, and life without him is less happy, less full no matter the adopted dog I have, or the rescued cat I did. Life is still missing my "happy".

"People disappoint, dogs never do" - spiritdog

"You MUST be your pets ADVOCATE, if it doesn't feel right walk away." - spiritdog
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Jinxandmatildas_mom
I feel exactly the same way, I don't want to stop missing them, I loved them half my life, I will never let them go, I know I have to get up everyday and live my life, although even that seems impossible right now, I am not the same person, I am forever changed by their loss, happiness is not something I can do anymore, I have tried explaining this to my husband, he doesn't get it, he just thinks I am gonna wake up one day with a smile on my face and be over it, that is NEVER gonna happen, this is the new normal, and if you can't deal with it there's the door because I am not pretending to be happy or over it for anyone
Kathy
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Gertie
I remember when my kitty had to be put to sleep last year. To some people he was just a cat. Then 6 months later I had to decide to put my Lhasa Duncan to sleep. He was 9 The reaction was some what the same. " You did the right thing" maybe people don't know what to say. In that case, say nothing. Grief is painful, different for everyone. I found grieving my two beautiful little guys was the loneliest time of my life. Not just the loss but the indifference of some people. To those of you early in your grief, take each day at a time. Feel what you feel. But I do promise you will smile again. It does not mean you have forgotten, the love you shared is so precious and special. Memories are what are left, they will bring a smile to your face, remembering that very special fur companion.

Duncan & Myles Mom xx
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Charliesmommy
I feel very protective of my grief and I don't want to share it with those around me(except for this forum) because they don't understand.  My kids were not all that close to Charlie so they didn't shed many tears.  My husband cried a little but is over it now.  He does try to be understanding and hasn't tried to push me, but he doesn't know what to say so we don't talk about it.  Its okay because I don't want to discuss it with him much.  Its all I have left of my boy so when I need or want my moments to cry, feel angry, or just sit and think, I want to keep them all to myself.
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Mistysmama
Spiritdog, I understand. When my Misty went I descended into a silent grief. It was the closest to dying I have ever been. I surrendered to it completely. There was no possibility of denying it. That was my every breath.
I was lucky, because after a while my own Misty showed me she was okay in spirit, and helped me through. But I will always miss her here, even though of course I am glad for her, that she is indeed ok and hasn't forgotten me.
 
My life is NOT the same, never ever COULD be the same. I am much less....and far more....than I ever was before. I am broken. I am helped. I am lost. I am found like never before. I am a mess. I am truly sacred, more than I ever realised I was because she showed me that.
I have found a 'new normal'. 
 
She is 'out there' and she loves me still, very much, and she is waiting for me because we go so deep we will never be truly parted. But at the same time I still miss her with a deep ache. Even though I smile and laugh, I still miss her with a deep ache. Even though she sometimes comes back to visit, I still miss her with a deep ache. 
 
Yes life goes on. I look after a cat. The cat loves me. I care a lot about the cat, and will give her the best I've got. But that is a whole different thing to my Misty.
 
When a loved one leaves, even if we know for sure as I do that they are happy, fulfilled, will always love us, that the bond goes on -even with all that there is still some kind of grief, and I agree. It can't be denied.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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MurphysMom_0831
spiritdog wrote:
Just an observation.

Some people embrace grief, as I think they should. imho.

Others deny or shove it down, put it aside, ignore it by choice because it hurts too much,  which is the way a lot of others do, to "get by" I guess.

I would never deny my grief for Sidekick, I found it a way to honor him. Moving on was not an option for me, moving through it is and was the only option painful as it is. I do believe going through it, learning to live with it is the healthiest, that is my opinion only.

Some may agree or disagree, but for myself I had to sink into it, honor him, and not pretend he is gone and life went on because it didn't. Life stopped with him, and life without him is less happy, less full no matter the adopted dog I have, or the rescued cat I did. Life is still missing my "happy".



I couldn't agree more with your comments, Spirit Dog, and the comments from Jinx and Matilda's mom and Charlie's mommy. It's been a little over 3 months since I lost Murphy and my happy is gone, life as I knew it has stopped, and I will never feel the same again. Sinking in and honoring the grief I feel is the only way I can possibly get through this devastation. I do love Spencer and Grady, but it's not the same as life with Murphy which was exquisitely wonderful. Losing Murphy has hit me harder than losing my 3-year-old son years ago when I was very young. I had all my family around me then, now I have no one. I learned a lot from my little boy's loss which I have carried with me into the loss of Murphy. I too am very protective of my grief because no one I know, other than those here, understands it. I feel like I have died inside and do what I have to do to survive, that's all. I carry on with life so I can care properly for Spencer and Grady. That's the way it is now. I just await the day I can join Murphy again and be joyful at our reunion.

Blessings to all of you,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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